Shifting Lines - Siriusly A Side Story
by DovahTobi
Summary: A Sirius-focused side story of Shifting Lines. Will be going over most the stuff in Shifting Lines though occasionally scenes we won't see in the main story (i.e. Sirius's time at home for holidays, scenes between Sirius & James, etc). Will be covering all of Sirius's time at Hogwarts. Won't be updated very often as this won't be my main focus.
1. Chapter One - The Beginning

_Big wheels rolling through fields_  
_Where sunlight streams_  
_Meet me in a land of hope and dreams_

_\- Land of Hope and Dreams, Bruce Springsteen_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The moment he saw the small boy, something shifted inside of Sirius Black.

The day had started off as he suspected. His father lecturing, his mother snip-snip-snipping, each word like a little blade digging under his skin. The worst part had been saying goodbye to his brother. He couldn't even properly hug him, since their father had been hovering over them with the Don't You Dare Think About Showing Emotion face. Regulus had felt a little shaky when he and Sirius clasped hands briefly, a flash of worry in his dark eyes.

_Be good_, Sirius thought as he turned to leave his brother. He knew Reg would be okay. Reg _was_ the good one. Sirius was the problem. Reg only got into trouble when Sirius was around so with Sirius gone...

The train ride had started out as boring. He ran up and down for a bit then found a compartment with a couple other first years. They all seemed as boring as the train ride until the doors burst open and a messy-haired Indian boy flounced in.

"This train," he announced as he dramatically flung himself into the seat next to Sirius, "is in sore need of entertainment. Really annoyed my parents made me pack my radio in my trunk, at least _then_ we'd have some tunes. I'd hide a firecracker in the treat trolley but that's a waste of sweets." He flipped his hair from his eyes, grinning at Sirius. "Hi! I'm James Potter, and incredibly bored. What team do _you_ support?"

He was like a whirlwind, pulling Sirius into conversation in an instant as they discussed Quidditch. James, who had a mischievous glint in his eyes, a cocky smile, and a pocket full of pranks mirroring the stuff Sirius had hidden away in his school bag for the trip. It was an instant connection. He'd never be able to properly explain it, only that it felt like it was meant to be, the two of them meeting like this. The only blip had been when someone else joined to talk to some crying girl huddled in the corner, and James overheard the word _Slytherin_.

"Slytherin?" James abandoned his conversation with Sirius immediately. "Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I'd leave, wouldn't you?" And he grinned at Sirius, waiting for agreement.

Sirius wasn't sure how to respond. _I'm going to be one_, he wanted to say. He completely understood the reason for James's words. He knew who the Potters were. Rich-beyond rich-and _Blood Traitors_. Not that they had _married_ anyone impure, of course, but their opinions...

"My whole family have been in Slytherin," Sirius settled on. The boy talking to the crying girl gave a slight sneer at that, probably realizing who was lounging there. He had never said his surname-not even to James, yet-but if this sallow-faced boy was from a long line of Slytherins he'd no doubt recognize a Black.

But Sirius just waited for James, a little bit worried, waiting for him to say something awful, cut them apart, give Sirius that emptiness back.

"Blimey, and I thought you seemed all right," the other boy responded. Sirius grinned at the teasing tone and the sparkling hazel eyes.

"Maybe I'll break the tradition..." He wanted to. The thought of being in Slytherin was more than Sirius could handle. He didn't want to be there, not for anything. He suspected, however, the Hat would go on him and announce SLYTHERIN! before he could even argue. He was ready, though. He was ready to assault the Hat with as much Anti-Slytherin thoughts as possible.

He wasn't sure he could _survive_ Slytherin.

He had barely survived his family this long. The thought of being around people like them at school...

"Where are you heading, if you've got the choice?" he asked James, already knowing the answer even before he pretended to brandish a sword and announce he was a Gryffindor through and through. _Gryffindor_, Sirius thought then wondered what that might be like. One of the _Traitor_ houses. That and Hufflepuff. Ravenclaw were okay. Sirius had a few cousins in Ravenclaw. He thought if he managed to wrangle his way out of Slytherin then maybe the Hat would put him in Ravenclaw. Not that he particularly viewed himself as intelligent, however he considered himself fairly creative with the trouble he caused. That counted, didn't it?

No Black had ever not been in Slytherin though (the cousins in Ravenclaw didn't have the Black surname, so they weren't quite the same), not even Andromeda who was the least Slytherin family member Sirius knew. If Andy couldn't manage it he doubted he could.

He was barely aware of the conversation going on around him until the sallow boy said, "...if you'd rather be brawny than brainy."

"Where're you hoping to go, seeing as you're neither?" Sirius asked, causing James to bust up laughing and the crying girl to get quite annoyed. She left the compartment with the wannabe-Slytherin, and then James gave Sirius a high five.

"See ya, Snivellus!" James called out.

"Snivellus?"

"She called him Snivellus, or close enough. He seemed snivelly to me. Didn't he to you?"

"Most definitely," Sirius agreed.

"Should have put a firecracker in his pocket," James sighed.

Sirius sat upright. "You _have_ got some, then? I wasn't sure if you meant it, about the treat trolley."

They began comparing some of the pranks they had bought in Diagon Alley. James had quite a lot, clearly having a big allowance which seemed to have been spent solely at Gambol and Japes. Sirius didn't have much of an allowance (technically he did, however it was typically taken away whenever he caused problems which was to say nearly daily) but he did manage to buy quite a bit of stuff when he sneaked off away from his parents for a bit. They had been busy talking at the entrance to Knockturn Alley with some relatives. Andromeda's family, actually, meaning Andy was around somewhere but only her younger sister had been there, and Sirius disliked Narcissa so he hadn't hung about.

After a bit Sirius left the compartment with James to go and mess with other students. They let some toads loose in a compartment of first years (James had brought them) then played quite a spectacular prank which was Sirius's idea to throw a lit firecracker into an occupied stall. The sputtering and screaming were definitely worth it even when they tried to escape and some big guy grabbed hold of them, and the guy from the stall came out with toilet water dripping off his clothes. Somehow James and Sirius managed to escape. They took off running, trying to figure out a good place to hide. When they got to one of the last sections of the train they began trying doors but most were completely full of older students, and the last one-whose curtains were shut tight-was locked.

"Gotta try," James said, whipping his wand out. "Alohomora!"

The door opened and the two fell in, immediately shutting the door and bursting into laughter. James got up, locking the door then apologizing to whoever was in the compartment but Sirius was still laughing. "His face, his stupid face!" The enraged expression, damp from _toilet water_. Perfect.

"Once he catches us, you're dead," James pointed off.

Sirius shook his head, not caring. "Totally worth it!" He had worse things happen to him than some toilet-water-covered teenager.

Then a tiny voice piped up from the other side of the compartment. "A-hem. Excuse me. Erm. E—excuse me…! Um, I—I'm sorry but—I–I… prefer-alone."

Sirius finally looked at the person they had intruded on, and that's when things shifted inside of him. There was something familiar about him, but Sirius knew he had never seen him before in his life.

The boy appeared like he could keel over dead at any second. Sirius had _never_ seen anyone looking so frail, delicate, or sickly (the shabby clothes certainly didn't help). He was even paler than Sirius so the dark smudges under his eyes stood out like beacons. Above the smudges were eyes the strangest color. Amber, with flashes of gold. His voice had matched his appearance: rather feeble and pathetic.

Sirius wanted to protect him.

He had never really felt that way before about anything or anyone except sometimes Regulus, but it felt different than it did with his brother. At least Regulus didn't seem as-as impossibly fragile as this kid, and Reg was a year younger!

James talking pulled Sirius out of his thoughts, then there was a knocking at the door. He and James retreated. "My poor face!" Sirius couldn't help but say, knowing that's probably what would get the brunt of the older student's vengeance.

Then miraculously the tiny boy got rid of the older students. It only took a few words, and the insistence he was sick. _He is sick_, Sirius thought, watching the back of the boy's head. Tawny hair. Light orange-brown, a few strands of gold mingled in that brought to mind his eye color. Except his hair was rather limp, clinging to his skull. _He's very sick_. With what, though? Something really bad, if Saint Mungo's couldn't fix him. Not bad enough that the kid couldn't come to school, though. _He's going to be eaten alive_. Sirius's heart lurched a little. No matter what house this child was put in, he'd be bullied in an instant. Sirius had been around enough bullies (aka his family) to know their thought process. There'd be housemates that would take pity on the infirm, but the bullies would be drawn to him like flies to honey.

There was something honey-ish about the boy. Golden and light.

James pulled Sirius to the door as the boy shut it. When he turned around and found the two of them right there he jumped a little, fear filling his eyes. "Bloody brilliant!" Sirius said, as a way of thanks.

"Are you really sick?" James asked, studying the boy. Sirius wanted to smack him. _It's obvious he is_! Sirius wanted to snap. He kept his mouth shut.

The boy scurried off to the seats, drawing himself into a corner, as if he wanted to shrink himself into nothingness. "Nothing catching," he whispered. "Erm, you c-can stay in–in–for… for a few– m–m–until… they go to–carriage…"

He could barely speak. Was that part of the illness? Even though he could barely talk, however, he had saved James and Sirius just using words. Sirius was glad the older student hadn't tried to push his way in. He could easily picture the small boy being shoved to the floor and breaking into thousands of pieces like glass.

Then the boy asked them what they did, and James and Sirius happily shared with him their prank. The boy looked rather startled when Sirius explained but didn't say anything mean about it. Sirius wasn't sure if he didn't care, thought it was funny, or wanted to turn them in. It could be any of those. Hard to tell.

After a few seconds Sirius was aware the boy was staring at them, and he finally decided to ask the question that had been burning in his mind since the second he had spoken. "So, what's your name?" He needed to know the boy's surname, needed to know who he was. Maybe if he did, he'd be able to know what was wrong. He wanted to know.

The boy looked as if Sirius had asked him something very personal. He shrank a bit more. "Th-they're probably g-gone by now."

Sirius flinched at how brunt the other boy was, but of course they _had_ literally spelled their way into his locked compartment. But he didn't want to leave. He wanted to know more about the kid, and why he had made Sirius feel strange. "Right-o. Thanks for your help!" He rarely thanked people (wasn't supposed to) but the kid deserved it.

"Our hero," James added.

After making sure the coast was clear, James and Sirius left. As soon as the door shut behind him, he heard the click of the lock. _Why is he keeping it locked_? Sirius wondered.

"That was weird," James said as they went down the hallway.

"What do you suppose is wrong with him?" Sirius looked over his shoulder, staring at the closed door. "You think he's really okay?"

"Huh? Oh, I guess so. They wouldn't let him come to Hogwarts if he had anything contagious, right?"

"Yeah. But it must be bad-"

"Let's go set off some firecrackers in a girl's bathroom!"

Sirius finally looked back at his new-whatever James was. He hesitated to use the term 'friend' after such a short time, especially as they'd be going to separate houses. James was one hundred percent a Gryffindor. And Gryffindors and Slytherins weren't friends. "Yes, let's do that," Sirius laughed, pushing aside the dark thoughts for now. At least he'd have this one shining, beautiful train ride to get him through the darkness of Slytherin.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Except before Sirius knew it they were at the castle. It loomed above them, a grand piece of history that had been around for a thousand years. So many witches and wizards living out their teenaged lives. Sirius craned his neck back to look up-up-up to the tallest tower and glittering sky above. He felt his breath being taken away. He had watched it come closer during the trip over the lake, of course, but now standing in front of it he felt... incredible. Like he just did a loop-de-loop on a broom.

The doors opened and he went up the steps with James at his side. Then James slid his arm through Sirius's, linking them together. Sirius blinked in surprise while James grinned.

"I've dreamed of this moment my whole life," James whispered, "but it's better than I ever expected."

Together the two of them walked into Hogwarts, and Sirius couldn't agree more.

The time between that and the Sorting went by in a bit of a blur, though. He stood next to James in the Great Hall, wanting to grab onto him, not daring to. He just kept himself ramrod straight, aware of the eyes on him from the Slytherin table, from his many cousins. There were Blacks in almost every pureblood family somewhere.

"Beetle, Beatrice?"

Sirius clenched his teeth, clenched his fists as he watched the girl be Sorted into Ravenclaw. _Please let there be one more student... I'm not ready to go to Slytherin_. He wanted to put the Sorting off. Skip over his name.

"Black, Sirius?"

His time was up. He tossed his hair back, sticking his nose into the air as he went to the stool. He could hear the Slytherin table whispering. The voices faded as the black-haired witch placed the Hat over his head. _GRYFFINDOR! HUFFLEPUFF! RAVENCLAW! GRYFFINDORHUFFLEPUFFRAVENCLAW!_

_Ah, but you _are_ a Slytherin, my boy_, the Hat said, almost cackling. _A Black? Not wanting to be in Slytherin? This is quite an event._

Sirius grit his teeth. If_ you put me in Slytherin I swear to Merlin I__'ll light you on fire and dance on your ashes_.

_I__'ve had worse threats from more frightening students than yourself_, the Hat chuckled. _You are cunning, young Black, and have the desire to make something great of yourself._

_Yes_, he agreed reluctantly, _something great that isn__'t Slytherin or my family. Don't. Just don't. Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, I'll tear up the Slytherin dorms if you put me there, you know what Blacks can be like-oh, I'll do HEAPS of terrible things if you put me there! I'll hex everyone, I'll tell all the houses the password, I'll find a way to crack the windows to the lake, I'll–_

"GRYFFINDOR!"

He sat absolutely stunned as the Hat was removed. Everything was a blur. There were a couple of people at the Gryffindor table clapping but only a few and they immediately stopped when they realized nobody else was cheering. It was like someone had put the silencing spell on the entire Great Hall. He did his best to stand up, to hide his shaky legs. Gryffindor? He had been put in... Gryffindor?

Then voices began springing up at the Slytherin table. _Traitor_. Sirius felt his heart freeze. _Traitor_. He could hear them, the voices getting louder. _Traitor_!

He jerked a little when someone pressed their hand against his shoulder. It was the black-haired witch. Dimly he remembered her introducing herself as McGonagall. "Go on down to your table now." Her voice was kind and gentle, and so soft nobody else could hear. She gave him a slight nudge.

His heart began hammering as he put the Hat down on the stool, his entire body felt like ice now except for something hot burning in the pit of his stomach. The fire blazed as he kept hearing _traitor traitor traitor, _and caught a glimpse of glares, so many angry faces from the Slytherin table watching him.

He turned to face them completely. _I'm not one of you. I'm not, and I've finally got proof_. He wanted to shout at them, curse them, call them all idiots. He wanted to do something. The words ripped out of him. "SUCK ON THAT, SLYTHERIN!" He threw his hair back again, heading happily to the Gryffindor table, heart thawing and soaring. Gryffindor! GRYFFINDOR!

None of which were cheering but then someone was cheering, just one person. Sirius sat down, smiling at James standing with the other first years. He was clapping and whistling, grinning at Sirius, giving him a thumbs up. The Sorting began proceeding, and Sirius focused only on James. He felt the hostility up and down the Gryffindor table, felt the glares that weren't just from the Slytherins. The message was clear: he wasn't going to have an easy time at Hogwarts.

_Easier than if I were in Slytherin_, he thought, eyes finally breaking from James to look at the sickly boy. He wore his uniform now which should have made him look better now that he was out of his secondhand clothes but the uniform was clearly secondhand as well, and enormous, practically swallowing the kid. Sirius couldn't believe that his family hadn't gotten him a properly fitted uniform. Didn't they understand how important it was? Did they not care? _Or maybe,_ whispered a cold voice in the back of his head, _they couldn't afford it_. Couldn't even afford a tailor? No, that was absurd.

_If he's put in Gryffindor, I can protect him_, Sirius suddenly thought, unsure why he felt so-so protective. It made no sense. Plus he had no idea what family tree the boy had so he didn't have any kind of hint where he'd end up. He _had_ been leaning against a redheaded girl and-no that was the crying girl from the train, Sirius realized that only because the greasy-haired Snivellus stood on her other side until she was Sorted into Gryffindor, leaving the small boy alone next to Snivellus. Did the sick kid know him?

_Merlin, is he going to be a Slytherin_? Sirius clenched his teeth. _He won't survive._ The Slytherins would tear him to pieces.

"Lupin, Remus?" The sickly kid started to sway a bit like he might fall over. "Lupin, Remus?" Sirius raised his eyebrows at that, breaking out of his focus on the sick kid. No other name had been called twice. McGonagall had a frown on her face and the first years were looking at each other. Whoever this Lupin kid was, they were holding up the line. "Lupin, Remus?" McGonagall said a third time, very firmly. She was looking at the first years and then suddenly the greasy-haired Snivellus gave the sickly boy a rather rude shove forward.

He began creeping along, a slight blush in his cheeks as several students laughed. _Lupin_, Sirius thought, staring as he sat on the stool, the Hat sliding over his small head. The boy jumped almost immediately, probably from the Hat talking to him. _Lupin_. The name sounded a bit familiar but not enough to be very pure.

Lupin began shaking, clutching at the Hat. Sirius's fingers twitched as he waited. _Not Slytherin. Surely the Hat can see that_!

"GRYFFINDOR!"

Lupin jumped, pulling the Hat off. He looked rather impassive however his hands shook as he set the Hat down. Sirius began waving at him (so did the redheaded girl) but Lupin went past both of them, going to the far end of the table, shrinking the second he sat down. Sirius lowered his hand with a puzzled frown.

There were still quite a few students to go until they reached the Ps then it was close to James. Sirius wriggled in anticipation while some pudgy kid took _aaagggeeesss_ to be Sorted into Gryffindor and then Pocklington went to Hufflepuff then _FINALLY _James was called up. Sirius barely had time to lean forward when the Hat announced Gryffindor. The fastest Sorting of the night. The Hat had barely even touched James's _hair_.

James beamed and ran down to the table, crashing into Sirius who caught him. "Well done!" Sirius said, high fiving him.

"We're together!" James whispered as he slid into the seat next to Sirius. Something about the way he said it sent shivers down Sirius's spine. Together. It sounded... really good. Kinda warm in a strange way he hadn't expected-or experienced before. It felt _right_. Like some part of him had been missing for eleven years and now everything had clicked into place.

"We're going to cause so much trouble," Sirius laughed quietly. _We're together. It's not just the train ride. I'm actually in Gryffindor, with this wild boy who doesn't seem to mind who I am._ It felt too good to be true, and Sirius wondered briefly if he was about to wake up to find it had all been a dream.

"Definitely!" James adjusted his glasses, looking beyond happy. "I'm so glad I was put in Gryffindor. But of course there's no where else I would've been put."

They talked during the rest of the Sorting, the rest of the meal, and all the way up to the Gryffindor tower which felt like it took _forever_ to get to. The common room was hidden behind a portrait of a huge woman and the kids clamored inside excitedly. Well, mostly sleepily. Sirius was excited. That's when Toilet-Water appeared. He grabbed Sirius, lifting him up off the ground, threatening to hurt him. Sirius didn't particularly care. He was in Gryffindor now. Let Toilet-Water pummel or hex him. What did it matter? He wasn't in Slytherin, he was in _Gryffindor!_ But the prefect who took them up to the tower was rescuing him, though mostly she sounded bored.

The six first year Gryffindor boys went up to their dorm. Sirius tingled with excitement. This would be his new home. It was so different from his actual home. Home Back There was cold, dark, empty. This place... Gryffindor... felt warm, bright, and cozy. Of course it helped that he actually had someone with him. _Together_, he thought as he scanned the room for his trunk. It was easy to spot: it was the only black one. It sat next right by the door, on its other ide a bed with a rather nice, new trunk labeled 'M. Spinnet'. Next to Spinnet's sat very battered trunk whose initials 'R. J. L' were covering another set of initials. Next to R.J.L. was Struthers and then J. Potter and finally P.P.. James's trunk was really expensive and fancy looking. Mahogany where his was ebony, gold where his was silver. "Hey. Struthers, switch me beds."

Then, since Struthers didn't seem to take kindly to the order, Sirius began moving his trunk on his own. Struthers yelled at Sirius but then just moved his trunk, complaining bitterly as he did so. Sirius pulled his trunk to his new bed, next to James who beamed at him. Then James began getting pajamas out of his trunk, stripping off right there in front of everyone. Sirius hesitated then jerked back a little as someone rushed past him out of the room. Lupin.

Struthers and the pudgy kid (initials P.P. which made Sirius want to snort) left for the bathroom to change, while Spinnet changed in the dorm. Sirius pulled black silk out of his trunk. He didn't want to seem like a prude and really if things were different wouldn't _care_ about anyone seeing his body but...

He crawled onto his bed and shut the curtains to change. Most his scars were on his back where he couldn't see though he had one on his side, one on his shoulder, and one on his thigh. His newest one. He ran his finger along the silvery mark, shivering a bit. Then quickly he pulled out his pajamas and emerged out into the dorm, hoping James would want to stay up and talk for a while.

Oh boy did he. He motioned for Sirius to join him on his bed, which he did a little nervously. He drew his legs up, feeling awkward at sharing but James seemed completely comfortable as if he owned the place. In fact, a lot of his mannerisms suggested a well-thought-of family history which, as a Potter, he had. They found they had a lot in common, not just enjoying pranks. They both loved Quidditch as they already knew (Puddlemere United all the way for both of them, though they both admitted the Montrose Magpies were pretty darn good too), flying, music groups, comic books, the same types of candies, the list kept going on and on. They talked and talked as everyone else fell asleep, then talked some more until finally James just outright asked, "Friends forever?" And held out his hand.

Sirius was taken aback. "Friends forever!" he agreed, more startled than anything else. He shook James's hand solemnly, then the two began snickering a bit. He had never, ever met anyone so… _open_ before. It seemed a bit unnatural. And a little unnerving. But in a good sort of way.

Sirius returned to his own bed, feeling the pull of sleep. _Friend, _he thought, yanking the covers up. _He's my friend_. He had had 'friends' before, or at least kids his parents told him were to be his companions growing up. Other purebloods, stuck up, boring, none of them even finding it remotely funny whenever Sirius tried to pull a joke on someone (most of them tattled anyway, the rats). James was different. This was a real, proper friend.

For the first time in his entire life, Sirius fell asleep feeling rather at ease. He had some awful dreams though. Foggy, creepy, long-fingered hands reaching out to him, his mother's shrill voice yelling, Regulus whimpering in the dark, whimpering, wouldn't stop, someone hurt him, whimpering-

Sirius sat up. The whimpering continued. He blinked, fuzzily recalling where he was. Not his home back in London-no, no. Hogwarts. Gryffindor. And someone was whimpering. Then there was a sobbing sound that was cut off, as its owner quieted. The bed next to Sirius's. Lupin. Lupin was upset.

Sirius looked at his closed curtains, not sure what to do. He then heard Lupin's timid, frail voice whisper, "I want to go home." Then silence.

_Homesick_. Sirius lay back down, closing his eyes. He couldn't imagine that kind of feeling. Wanting to go home. If he had his way he'd just stay at Hogwarts every day of the year until graduation and escape. Homesick. Huh.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Morning arrived all too soon and Sirius woke up before the alarms went off. He was used to waking up early. Everyone else seemed to be still asleep so Sirius took this opportunity to change into his new uniform, very pleased with the gold and scarlet accents. The trim on his vest, his tie, it looked _beautiful. _He stood in front of the mirror, admiring himself, adjusting his wavy black hair, and staring nonstop at his tie. He ran his fingers down the colors, unable to stop grinning. He was still looking at it when the other students started to get up.

James tumbled out of his bed, his messy hair positively everywhere. "Morning!" he said.

"Morning, fellow Gryffindor!" Sirius couldn't help but say. James darted to the bathroom for stuff needed done then he returned, changing right there in the dorm, not caring.

Tiny little Lupin emerged from his bed, looking like a frightened animal. Sirius considered saying good morning to him but he just snatched up some stuff and took off to the bathroom like the night before. Sirius couldn't help but notice even the kid's pajamas were too big for him which seemed strangely novel to Sirius. Even as the hated member of his family, he had always had perfectly tailored clothes his entire life. Anytime something was ripped or stained it would be fixed meticulously.

"Um. Um." The pudgy P.P. kid nervously came over to Sirius. "D–do you remember wh-where the Great Hall is?"

Sirius frowned and looked at James. "Uhhhh…"

James was finishing tying his shoes. "I don't," he said carelessly. "Be an adventure to find our food." His eyes twinkled.

The other two kids in their dorm were gone by now and Sirius had no idea what to do. "I'm sure the portraits might help…" He thought of the portraits back at his house, how they always yelled at him too.

Then the Lupin kid came creeping back in, depositing his toiletries back in his trunk and then getting his socks, shoes, and tie on. He began knotting his tie completely the wrong way, clearly no idea what to do. His socks also didn't match. James marched right over. "Hey, Lupin!" he said. Sirius felt a little bad when the boy jumped, turning frightened eyes up at James. Lupin began trembling just very slightly. Sirius frowned, wondering what was going on. Why did he seem so… _terrified_? "You remember the way to the Great Hall?"

"Erm… th–think so."

James beamed. "Groovy! We'll follow you, then."

Sirius, James, and P.P. followed Lupin out of the common room and down through the halls and staircases. Lupin seemed fairly sure where he was going. Sirius looked around as they went, taking in the infamous school, a bubble of rarely felt happiness inside which only grew when he looked at James. James flashed him a grin and Sirius grinned back.

The bubble stayed until owl mail, then it burst when his mother's owl dropped a scarlet envelope in front of Sirius. It didn't surprise him at all.

"SIRIUS—BLACK—HOW—DARE—YOU—BE—PLACED—IN—GRYFFINDOR!" His mother's voice, digging into him, wrapping its tentacles around every fiber of his being, blacking out the warmth. He felt cold, so cold. "YOU HAVE BROUGHT ABSOLUTE SHAME ON THE BLACK FAMILY NAME WHICH CONSIDERING YOUR LIFE UP UNTIL NOW IS A WONDER YOU'VE MANAGED TO HUMILIATE US MORE THAN YOU ALREADY HAVE! YOUR GRANDFATHER NEARLY HAD A HEART ATTACK WHEN WE GOT THE NEWS!" _Good_, Sirius thought wickedly. _Hope he dies_. "THIS IS YET ANOTHER STEP DOWN YOUR MISGUIDED PATH! YOU BEST CHANGE COURSE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE OR YOU WILL REGRET IT! WE WILL BE WRITING TO THE HEADMASTER TO DEMAND A RESORTING AT ONCE!"

The Howler turned to ash as Sirius tried to drag himself out of the freezing abyss. Resorting? That-wasn't real. Was it? He asked the other first years but they didn't seem to know, except then Lupin mumbled that it wasn't, sending relief flooding through Sirius's body. Of course. Empty threats. His mother couldn't force him to be in Slytherin.

The four boys got onto the topic of family though Lupin quickly ran out of the Great Hall, hardly speaking one word. They watched him go then James brought his hand up to his head, twirling his finger in a circle. Pudgy kid-Pettigrew, he knew now-laughed. Sirius felt a stab of annoyance. He didn't want to say anything, however. There'd be time for that later. Once Lupin became their friend, James would understand.

_Understand_ _what_? Sirius wondered. Something he himself didn't quite understand. Only that he _wanted_ Lupin to stick around. Then there he was again, cheeks flushed as he approached the three boys again. "W–was asked to g-g-give you these." He dropped papers in front of Pettigrew then took off again.

"What did he g-g-give us?" James asked, trying to keep a straight face as he mocked Lupin.

"Schedules," Pettigrew answered, pushing one to each of the others.

Sirius took his, not really caring. He was looking forward to classes, he supposed, but mostly just looking forward to being at Hogwarts. "You shouldn't really make fun of the way he talks, you know."

"I wasn't," James protested, despite the fact he 100% had been.

The two of them stayed side-by-side, running to classes together, sitting together, whispering to each other. James laughed in Transfiguration when Sirius set his matchstick on fire by accident. Sirius complimented James when James managed to transfigure his matchstick fairly well. The only two people McGonagall really commented on were James and Lupin. Sirius craned his neck to try to see Lupin's matchstick, oddly pleased the tiny boy managed to do so well.

After McGonagall dismissed class she asked Lupin to stay behind. Sirius looked over at him. His golden eyes were enormous, a little fearful. "Oooooh someone's in trouble!" Sirius couldn't help but sing, wanting to tease Lupin. Something inside him _wanted_ Lupin to look at him, to give him attention, even if it was annoyance.

"What did you do, Lupin?" James asked, also teasing, but McGonagall pushed them out of the room. "Whatcha think that was about?" James then asked as they strode off to their next class.

"No idea, probably wanted to tell him how lovely his matchstick turned out or something," Sirius joked, hoping that Lupin _wasn't_ in trouble over anything. It was the first morning! Besides, if anyone got into trouble for something it should be him and James. Actually, it didn't seem _fair_ they hadn't gotten into trouble yet. He mentioned this and James agreed they really needed to cause mischief soon.

After History of Magic (which was an absolute SNOOZE FEST!) Sirius tried to be friendly, asking Lupin if he enjoyed the class since he had observed the boy taking lots of notes (actually he spent quite a bit of History watching Lupin). But Lupin just blushed (which made Sirius's stomach flipflop for some reason) and took off.

"What a weirdo," James said. Sirius lightly elbowed him, however he couldn't disagree completely. "So, I was thinking since we have the afternoon free after Potions, that we figure out something to do," James said as they walked to the Great Hall.

"Something to do along the lines of pranking?" Sirius asked with a grin.

James grinned back. "Naturally."

At lunch they sat together with that Pettigrew kid. James seemed friendly enough with Pettigrew. There was something about him Sirius wasn't too sure about yet however figured if James liked him, he would too. The three of them talked for a bit until Sirius started watching Lupin again, leaving James and Pettigrew to talk.

Lupin was sitting off by himself, nose buried in a book. He was trying to eat while reading, and it wasn't working out so well. He scooped some food up onto his fork then brought it to his mouth... except most the food would slide off the fork during the travel, so only a tiny bit (or none at all) would end up in Lupin's mouth, but Lupin just chewed whether there had been food or not. He seemed _really_ into the book. Sirius tilted his head a bit, trying to see what book it was. _And Then There Were None_ by Agatha Christie. Sirius had never heard of that author but since he barely ever read it didn't surprise him. Maybe it was a book about vanishing spells?

Sirius propped an elbow on the table and put his chin on his hand, just watching, tuning out James and Pettigrew talking about Quidditch. Scoop, went the fork. Plop, went the food. And Lupin put the empty fork in his mouth, pulled it away, and chewed without looking once away from his book. Then suddenly he dropped his fork, his golden-amber eyes going huge, his mouth forming a little 'O'. His eyes darted back and forth, reading rapidly. He quickly turned the page, even more invested in the book for a moment until whatever it was calmed down, and he returned to eating. His hand groped around on the table, fingers curling around the handle of his spoon instead of his fork. Lupin began trying to eat again, with a spoon. Since he had chosen pasta it really didn't work.

Lupin didn't seem to care or even notice.

_What an oblivious dumbass_, Sirius thought rather dreamily, and knew in that moment there was no doubt whatsoever inside of him: he _had_ to have the strange boy in his life.


	2. Chapter Two - September 1971 Part One

_Before you came into my life I missed you so bad_

_And you should know that_

_I missed you so, so bad_

_\- Call Me Maybe, Carly Rae Jepsen_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Sirius had never felt this way about anyone before.

He wasn't quite sure what the feeling _was_, precisely, just that it was big, warm, comforting, and _wonderful_. He supposed probably the closest thing was how he felt about Regulus, but his feelings for Regulus came with a lot of negative stuff too. Like jealousy. Anger. Constantly-being-pitted-against-one-another-in-which-Sirius-inevitably-came-out-the-loser-because-his-whole-family-reviled-him-and-they-loved-Reg. You know, complicated stuff. But this _wasn't_ so complicated, and it was a feeling he liked.

Was it love?

He wasn't sure, couldn't be sure. He never felt that sort of feeling before. If he did, it was about Regulus which was why he thought it might be love, since the feeling was vaguely similar-just without the bad stuff.

Either way, he felt this way about James Potter.

Sirius woke up every day expecting the tower to topple over, for James to change his mind and decide they shouldn't be friends, that he didn't want to be friends with a _Black_. But every day James was right by Sirius's side, a sort of invisible bond between the two of them that Sirius _hoped_ would prove to be unbreakable. He wasn't sure what would happen the day James realized they _shouldn't_ be friends... only that it would happen, because what good ever happened to Sirius Orion Black? Besides getting into Gryffindor, of course.

His feelings for Lupin were another matter entirely, one even more complicated and confusing than his feelings for James. All he knew was he wanted to be friends with Lupin, wanted to be around him, and that sometimes when Lupin looked at him his stomach felt weird. Once when Lupin brushed against him Sirius got all weirdly sweaty.

Lupin was one thing that Sirius and James didn't fully agree on. It started out both of them agreeing to be friends with Lupin, and they did try. The first weekend of school when Lupin went _missing_ he and James tried to hunt him down. They were told by McGonagall that Lupin was ill, so they went to the hospital wing but Pomfrey wouldn't let them see him, not even when James pretended to be hurt so they could stay in the hospital wing (she didn't believe him which was ridiculous in Sirius's opinion, James's act of having a broken leg was completely believable).

Course that weekend wasn't great in other ways either. He and Struthers had gotten into a small argument and Sirius told him, "As a Mudblood, you wouldn't understand." which made Spinnet go absolutely nuts. James had gotten rather pale, managing to pull Sirius out of the room and explain to him that that word was a very, very, very bad word.

"It literally means dirty blood," James said, a little exasperated. "It's _vile_. Nice people don't _say_ that. It's worse than cussing!"

Sirius felt super sick when James told him this. His parents used that word all the time, most his family did. "I just-I thought it meant-Muggleborn..."

"It _does_ but it's a _very_ bad word for Muggleborn," James hissed out.

"I-I didn't know-"

James looked at him rather anxiously which made Sirius wonder if that was that, if James would end things there. But then James smiled and gave Sirius's arm a squeeze. "Now you do. So don't ever use it again, okay? It's really disgusting."

"Yeah, no, uh, of course not. I won't. I didn't know. I promise I won't."

He went back into the dorm, doing the one thing he hated doing: apologize. However he was completely in the wrong, had hurt Struthers, had done something _so very wrong_. So he apologized. Struthers accepted the apology but Spinnet didn't seem to believe him, marking Sirius as an enemy then and there. A few days later after Astronomy it came to a head. Before that, though, Lupin returned from the depths of the hospital wing looking peaky.

They were in the dorm when Lupin came back. He was so pale, the dark under his eyes seeming even darker. He was shaky, and his voice trembled even more when he spoke. Sirius's heart lurched.

"You look dreadful. You're as white as a sheet and…" He trailed off, looking Lupin up and down. He wasn't healthy in any way. "Should you… be out of the wing, mate?"

"I'm f—f–f–... f–fine." Lupin could barely even talk. "Um–ex–excuse me." With that he crept up the stairs, like expecting someone to throw something at him or something.

"What was up with that?" James asked. Sirius just shrugged, watching him go.

Later when they went up to the dorm Lupin was no where to be seen. Remembering he had hidden under his bed before, Sirius quietly got down and saw Lupin curled up there. He looked even smaller somehow. Helpless. Pettigrew properly became Peter in Sirius's mind as he was with them and, seeing how horrible Lupin looked, put one of his chocolate frogs down by the bed. "For when he wakes up," Peter said. Sirius pat his arm.

Later on after supper (which Lupin never showed up for) they returned to the dorm to find the chocolate frog on a little table. James and Peter talked while Sirius worried. "If he's come out from under the bed, why did he miss dinner?" he asked then went over to look under Lupin's bed. Lupin was still there, awake now, still looking ill. "Oh, you're still there."

"You scared him!" James said as he went down to look as well. Lupin wriggled, pushing farther back under his bed. "You feeling better? You're still really white."

"Why didn't you want the chocolate frog?" Peter asked.

But Sirius had noticed something. A dark stain on Lupin's shirt. He knew immediately what it was. "Is that… blood?" Sirius asked, knowing perfectly well it was. He knew precisely what blood looked like on clothes-fresh or dried.

"No." Lupin yanked at the blanket he had to try and hide the stain. Sirius wanted to call him a liar except had the feeling if he pressured Lupin it would distress him. Still... how did he get so much dried blood on his shirt? What _happened_? Wasn't he in the hospital wing? Or did he get it _after_ he left the hospital wing? Sirius remembered the way Lupin had been walking earlier. Creeping about. He thought as the time it was shyness, the desire to not want to be seen. Was it instead because he was injured?

Sirius couldn't keep his mouth shut (a problem he already knew he had). "You still look pretty sick. What happened? What did you get?" _Why are you injured? Why are you bloody_? Those questions he kept to himself. He wasn't entirely stupid.

"I thought healers could fix almost anything," James said.

"D–d–doesn't m–matter," came the quiet response.

"Is it your stomach? Cause if it's not you can still have my chocolate frog." Peter pushed the chocolate frog closer to Lupin which made him start breathing all raggedy and weird. Then James stated that Lupin probably wanted to be alone. A flash of relief appeared in those eyes which made Sirius feel slightly guilty for peppering him with question. He gave one last anxious look at Lupin then got up off the floor.

The next day he seemed to be looking a lot better and in the evening even helped James defeat Sirius in chess (cheaters). But then that night they had Astronomy, and afterwards Spinnet went mental. It started off with the Ravenclaws quizzing Lupin about his enormous brain. Then Spinnet said that Lupin didn't belong in Gryffindor.

"Shame Resorting _isn__'t_ a thing." Spinnet looked right at Sirius as he said, "I think Gryffindor got a couple of accidentals."

Sirius clenched his teeth, fury flaring up in him but before he could respond James put his arm around him. "The Sorting Hat is never wrong." The fury tamped down a bit, Sirius feeling a bit better.

"_I_ think they were _pity_ Sortings." Spinnet came closer, eyes narrowed. "Lupin belongs with the birds, and Black… Black is a _Slytherin_."

That pushed Sirius to the edge. He had always had a quick temper, one of his shortcomings. He pulled his wand out without even thinking. "You take that back!" There were gasps at the sight of his wand. Out of the corner of his eye Sirius could see little Lupin going paler.

Spinnet sneered. "Not until you've apologized to Dave."

So that was what was going on. It didn't surprise him, really. "I _have_ apologized!" He had, even though he wasn't supposed to apologize for _anything_ to _anyone_. Saying the words were difficult, but he had said them-and meant them. Struthers tried to get Spinnet to back down but Spinnet didn't. He mentioned a duel then the redheaded Gryffindor girl stated that dueling was against the rules.

"Careful, Evans," Spinnet said, "or he'll call you the same thing he called Dave."

Sirius felt his wick getting shorter, ready to explode. "It was an accident."

"Accident?! It wasn't anything such!" Suddenly Spinnet was on top of him, shoving him back against the wall before he could react. He hadn't expected that. "You're a Black, you don't belong in Gryffindor–"

"LET GO OF HIM!" James jumped onto Spinnet's back, arms going around his neck to keep him off of Sirius. "HE'S APOLOGIZED!"

They began spinning around, Spinnet finally managing to chuck James off then he hit James with a spell that didn't do anything. Sirius went to help James up, hoping that would be the end of that. Then there were gasps, James's eyes got really big, and a small voice cried out, "Locomotor mortis!" The same spell Spinnet had attempted.

Sirius yanked James to his feet, turning around in shock. Spinnet was on the floor, his legs glued together. Beyond him stood Lupin with his wand out. Sirius's stomach did that flipflop thing again. Lupin had done that? He-he wasn't really sure _why_ but it was really cool.

Spinnet called Lupin a freak (making Sirius's wick go even shorter) then Professor Spring appeared. That's when Sirius found out Spinnet tried to punch him while he was helping James up, when his back was turned. Spring took away a lot of points-especially from Lupin for trying to save Sirius which seemed quite unfair. Then he demanded everyone go back to their dorms.

Sirius, James, and Peter stayed by Lupin's side. Sirius tried to compliment him on the spell-it _had_ been spectacular-but Lupin just seemed upset. He started shaking, looking on the verge of tears. Then he did begin crying which for some reason hurt Sirius.

"Lupin… you all right?" Sirius asked, cautiously placing a hand on Lupin's shoulder. Lupin pulled back as if he couldn't stand Sirius's touch, then took off running. "O...kay..."

"Wow, what a weird kid," James said, pushing his glasses up. "Try to thank him for saving us and he cries?"

It was weird, too, the next day when they finally saw him again. Lupin stared in horror as the three of them crowded around him after Transfiguration class, like he expected them to start hitting him or something. Had he been bullied before Hogwarts? That was a possibility.

Sirius gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "Thanks for helping out. Spinnet's a right git." He hoped that would make him smile but Lupin just continued to look frightened. James asked him to come with them to put firecrackers in some bathrooms but Lupin shook his head then hurried off.

After History class Sirius and James set up loads of firecrackers in several bathrooms as near to the Great Hall as they could get, with Peter playing lookout. James kept giggling, mentioning the possibility of one of them blowing up on someone's bare butt which sent Sirius into giggles as well. They missed a lot of lunch but managed to shove some food into their faces before Potions class.

Sirius went right to where Lupin was sitting, determined to become friends with him. Lupin looked scared however didn't run off so Sirius supposed that was a start. When class started, Sirius goofed off. He couldn't really take Potions _that_ seriously. Who could? Professor Slughorn's words went in one ear and out the other.

"Hey, James, it's a Slytherin!" Sirius had some weird stuff on a spoon and jiggled it, making James laugh. Then Sirius splattered it on that greasy Snivellus who sat right behind them. Snivellus looked disgusted (when did he not?). Then Slughorn came over so Sirius pretended to be doing whatever he was supposed to be doing except the jelly stuff turned out to _burn_ his hands. Slughorn sent him to the hospital wing with Lupin, since Sirius couldn't remember the way.

Sirius followed Lupin out, rather happy the small boy was going somewhere with him like this. He had to take a few long strides to catch up and once he did Lupin gave him an annoyed look. "You went to the hospital wing multiple times, I don't understand how you…" Lupin stopped then when he began speaking again his stutter had returned. "How y-you c–c-could f-orget?" He wondered how come Lupin's stutter wasn't with him _all_ the time. Nerves? Then when Sirius asked what the stuff was (his wrists weren't looking so good) Lupin replied with, "Poison." which Sirius thought was a joke. Lupin raised his eyebrows. "N–no, it… is. You r–really didn't read th–the–the–info?"

Sirius suddenly felt super sick. Poison. Oohhhh great. "Could we please walk a little faster then, Lupin? I don't feel so good." He felt like he was about to keel over. He was probably going to _die_ now.

Lupin began going a little faster so Sirius was able to walk almost normally. His legs were so long that it was easy to keep up with Lupin. Lupin said something about it being his fault to which Sirius answered that _no_ it was most assuredly _Slughorn's_ fault.

"H–_how _is it po–possibly S–Sss-lughorn's fa-f-fault?!" Lupin asked, sounding a bit exasperated.

Sirius thought for a moment. "….he panicked me."

"Oh, of–of–of course how silly of me to th–to think otherwise."

Then Lupin began blushing for some reason which made Sirius's stomach and chest hurt proving the poison was seeping through his body. They finally got to the hospital wing where Madame Pomfrey slathered some potion all over his hands then had him stay in a bed for a while. Lupin shifted from foot to foot, clearly not sure whether he should stay or not. Sirius wanted him to stay. He was afraid if he said so, Lupin would leave.

Then he knew exactly what to say. "You can go back to Potions class, it's okay." He suspected Lupin didn't really _enjoy_ Potions class and sure enough a look of distaste crossed the boy's face. He hesitantly perched in a chair next to Sirius's bed. Good! Now what? He didn't want Lupin to run off... he really didn't seem to be very chatty. In fact he was getting a book out. Not a school text book but some other book.

"You sure like to read, don't you?" Sirius asked. Lupin just buried his nose behind the book, ears slightly pink. "It's cool if you do, I mean, I don't really read but-everyone's different." Lupin said nothing. "Guess I made a big booboo in class, eh?"

Lupin glanced over his book. "You p-p-poisoned your-self," he said flatly.

"Whoooops!" Sirius said with a grin. Lupin narrowed his eyes as if trying to figure out what the heck Sirius was going on about then he just returned to reading. "You don't like Potions, do you?"

Lupin didn't bother looking up this time. "I-I have a... s-sensitive n-nose so th-the smells g-get to me a-a little bit."

Sensitive nose? "That sounds neat. I mean, having a strong sense of smell." Something flashed across Lupin's face and Sirius suspected he just put his foot in it. Another big whoops. "So... you said your dad's magic and your mom's Muggle?"

"Yeah," Lupin muttered in a tone that meant he had zero intention of talking about it.

_Tough nut to crack_, Sirius thought, trying to figure out what else to say. _You can talk, it's all right_. He thought back to the other day when he told Lupin it was all right to talk to him and then Lupin just started laughing in a weirdly creepy way before he took off running. _Oh_, Sirius realized, heart sinking. _It's probably because I'm a Black. _Of course. He didn't want to talk about his Muggle mother to a Black. Who would? How could he say he wasn't like his family without making it obvious? "I don't know any Muggles so that must have been really interesting. Having a Muggle mother."

Sure enough suspicion filled Lupin's gold-amber eyes (Sirius really liked those eyes though he wasn't sure why). "I s-suppose." That was it, back to reading. Definitely the Black thing.

Sirius settled back, feeling sick again. He just set his hands in his lap, watching the redness fade. He felt the familiar fiery anger about his parents consuming him. _They ruin everything, my family ruins everything._ He hated them all. He wanted to tear himself from their reputation but it would never happen. He was a Black. No, he wasn't just a Black he was the _heir_. The Heir. Capital letters. He would be the patriarch one day. And when he did, oh boy there'd be changes. Until one of his relatives inevitably killed him. _Probably Bellatrix, she's insane_, he figured. He wouldn't put it past 99% of his relatives to murder him but if he had to bet on any of them actually doing it, it'd be her. The only ones he could trust were Regulus, Uncle Alphard, and Andromeda.

He had hoped to see more of Andy at school however with her being a seventh year Slytherin and him being a first year Gryffindor they had only managed to have a brief little momentary chat over the weekend, mostly her worried about him. Her sister, second year Narcissa, had been there too. He didn't particularly like her however her pale blue eyes were wide as Andromeda spoke, nodding in agreement when Andy said how much the Slytherins were _furious_ at him being a Gryffindor. Andy seemed to love Narcissa so Sirius vaguely tolerated her presence.

Sirius wondered how Uncle Cygnus and Aunt Druella could have someone as wonderful and perfect as Andy but also have someone as insane and cruel as Bellatrix, and someone as bland and dull as Narcissa.

Sirius looked back at Lupin who was still reading. _I'm not like them. I promise I'm not_. _I might be a Black but I'm _not_ a Black._ He stared at that tawny head bent over the book._ Please._

However, he just remained silent.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

On Saturday afternoon Sirius and James broke into the Transfiguration storage. James was super at unlocking spells. Peter was lookout down the hall though they doubted he'd do too good as it. Still, they had to trust him. Once inside they began going around trying to figure out which cages to take. Mice, obviously. Toads. Then Sirius took some of the rabbits, stuffing them into a small crate (big enough for them not to be hurt).

"I wonder if these are even real," James mused, holding up the cage where a dozen mice scurried about. "They're probably rocks turned into mice or something."

"Probably," Sirius agreed. Personally he hoped that were the case. Surely McGonagall wouldn't have them transfigure actual, real, live animals, would she? No. Of course not. Right?

They snuck the cages into the tower and released them all before hurrying up the stairs, standing at the top and listening to the chaos before going to their dorm to play cards, still laughing at all the screams. After a bit Lupin came in and James asked if there were still animals loose in the common room. Lupin answered yes then asked if there were any up here.

"Nah, just in the common room," Sirius said then joked, "Afraid of rabbits, are you?"

"D-deathly so." Sirius stared, feeling awful. He hadn't really thought of anyone being afraid of mice, toads, or rabbits but-Lupin gave them a glance. "Th–that was–was s–sarcasm," he said.

Sirius grinned again. Ha! He knew it. Lupin had a streak in him, he wasn't just the uptight little weirdo James called him the night before (which had really annoyed Sirius). Even though Lupin wouldn't play cards with them (instead reading again which didn't seem very healthy) he did stay in the room and wound up laughing at dumb jokes Sirius and James kept telling. Sirius felt strange hearing Lupin's laughter. Not the same kind of laughter from the other day when he ran off, that seemed more like panicked, freaked out laughter. This was genuine. It was light and bubbly, sounding delightful to Sirius's ears. He wanted to make Lupin laugh every single day, though the boy soon withdrew back into his book, returning to his usual solemn self.

Sirius just watched him read, wondering.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

The next week went by in a blur of pranks, mischief, jokes, and boring classes. He received several letters from home complaining about how Dumbledore wouldn't allow Sirius to be resorted, what a joke the headmaster was, and that they were considering just sending him to Durmstrangs. Sirius crumpled up the letters, never replying. _Durmstrangs_. He didn't want to go to Russia or-wherever Durmstrangs was. He didn't want to leave Hogwarts.

_Blacks have always gone to Hogwarts_, his mother wrote in one letter. _However they have always been Slytherin. Your intent to destroy the Black Family would perhaps be better dealt with in the North._

Sirius suspected his mother wanted to write 'your intent to destroy the Black Family would perhaps be better dealt with by locking you in our basement forever'. He was a bit surprised that hadn't happened yet. He had been locked up in the basement multiple times and recently whenever he went in he wondered if that would be it, if his mother would keep him there. Every time she let him out he was astonished. He didn't like the basement. It wasn't the worst punishment however it definitely sucked rotten grindylow eggs.

On Friday afternoon Peter came running into the common room, face bright red, very out of breath. He doubled over, hands on his thighs as he gasped for air. "-Slytherin-" he wheezed out. "-Lupin-" The he sort of collapsed on a couch.

"What? Did the Slytherins do something to Lupin?" Sirius asked, sitting upright, feeling ready to go to war if they had touched him. They had just gotten out of Defense Against the Dark Arts. Peter had stayed behind to ask Dedenne a question and Sirius vaguely recalled Lupin going towards the bathroom. Had some Slytherin ambushed him there?

Peter shook his head. "Me-hurt-me-was-but-Lupin-hair-"

James lightly smacked Peter's back. "C'mon then, buddy, deep breaths."

Peter gulped in some air, finally managing to calm down. "Slytherins attacked me. Was gonna hurt me. Then-Lupin-did something. Was passing by." He took in another deep breath. "Mulciber-Avery-"

"Those jerks?" James demanded. Sirius shushed him, wanting to hear.

"-their hair-nose-nose hair, their nose hair just _burst_ out of their noses!" Now Peter began laughing even though he couldn't breathe very well. "Got super long-like beard! Kept getting in their mouth."

"Lupin did that?" James inquired and Peter nodded before he collapsed back again, this time laughing. Soon James and Sirius were both laughing as well. Sirius wished he had been there, to see the expressions on those idiotic Slytherins' faces. He always hated Mulciber and Avery, having known them vaguely since childhood. They were sorta related in a distance manner. Sirius was related to pretty much any Pureblood Slytherin. Hell, he was probably related to any Pureblood _period_. He wondered about if he and James shared blood but never asked about the Potter family history. Bringing up Black blood just seemed to be a bad idea.

That night when Lupin came back from the library the three boys hauled him up to their dorm. When they released him Sirius couldn't help notice how terrified he appeared. He toyed with the hem of his school vest, shaking very slightly. _Does he really think we're going to hurt him_? Before he could say anything reassuring, Lupin asked, "D–did I–d–do something wr-wrong?"

Sirius felt like he wanted to dissolve at how awful he felt, for scaring Lupin. He thought he had done something bad? He thought... they were... going to _punish_ him?

"Wrong?" James sounded as shocked as Sirius felt.

"You were brilliant!" Peter insisted.

"I wish I could have_ seen_ them," Sirius put in, trying his best to imagine Avery and Mulciber suddenly sprouting beard-length nose hairs. Lupin didn't seem to understand until Peter told him, then Lupin _pretended_ like he didn't understand. Peter insisted again it was him, James made a joke about puberty (sending them into laughter) then finally Sirius said, "Come on then, Lupin, it sounds like a perfect spell for us to know. All the spells _I_ know aren't the sort to use for fun like that." All the spells he knew were rather nasty spells. Dark spells. Spells perfect for the Black family to use but not decent witches or wizards.

The four of them began talking, Lupin still looking quite nervous but at least he hadn't run off yet. Soon James got the brilliant idea for a _furry_ bat-bogey spell, and he and Sirius began begging Lupin to help him. Poor Lupin looked quite dazed, as if the Hogwarts Express had run over him or something but he faintly agreed. Or at least Sirius thought he did. As he lay in bed that night he wondered if Lupin actually said 'yes' or if they had taken it for granted that he did since he didn't say _no_.

Sirius rolled onto his side, staring at the bed curtains on the side facing Lupin's bed. He wondered why Lupin seemed to hold them at a distance. He didn't want friends. That seemed bizarre to Sirius. Life was _definitely_ better with friends. With James. Lupin deserved that. He didn't appear to hang out with anyone at all... just his books... it seemed _lonely_.

Sirius had been lonely most his life, he didn't want Lupin to be lonely too.

He rolled over the other way, looking at the curtains that faced James's bed. He knew now for sure that he loved James. That James was the most important person in his life. His other half. A missing piece of his _soul. _That's how it felt. Even when James made fun of Lupin Sirius easily forgave him because he was James.

Now Sirius rolled onto his back, staring at the canopy, thinking about the letter he had received that morning.

_I hear from certain members of the family that you are running around with the Potter Heir. Must I remind you that the Potters are a traitorous family? They view Mudbloods as equal. They see nothing wrong with Pure marrying Dirt. Or worse than dirt. They do not seem to mind Pure marrying _Muggle_. This is beyond distasteful and wrong. You must cease being around this Creature unless of course he does not agree with his insane parents. He is a young Pureblood perhaps he is smarter than his parents who clearly have no brains inside of them. I also must reminds you that none of the other dorm mates are anywhere NEAR acceptable as companions. The Spinnet family is mostly pure however they have in past mingled with _**Mudbloods**_**.**__ Lupin and Pettigrew have filthy _**Muggle **_blood in them, if you did not know. Lupin's father is a_ whore_ and Pettigrew's mother is a _slut_ for breeding with Muggles. And that other one is actually _**Mudblood**_. How dare it even be allowed to touch the grounds of Hogwarts let alone sleep in the same room as the Black Heir!? Breathing the same air as you?! It is INDECENT! Don't you even THINK about talking to any of them. They are _ALL_ beneath us. Beneath you. Do NOT forget this. If you must speak with the Potter Heir then try to bring him back to the _**PROPER**_ way of Purebloods. What a triumph that would be for the Black Heir. There is still time for you to make things Right despite being in the wrong House._

He had ripped the letter to shreds and tossed them in the common room fire, rage whipping through his body. He couldn't believe he ever thought the M word wasn't disgusting. He couldn't believe-no... he _could _believe the shit his mother spouted about his dorm mates. He worried about her looking into their families, worried she might do something. However that required _effort_ which his mother typically lacked when it came to doing anything besides abusing her heir and spending the Black fortune.

_Six more years_. He rolled over once more, a few tears dripping onto his pillow. _Six years_.

If he could survive that long.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Sirius still felt down in the morning however almost immediately the shadows were banished when James gave him one of his big smiles, slapping his shoulder. "I _love_ weekends, don't you?"

"Without a doubt!" Sirius replied, warmth spreading through his body from where James had touched him. He still felt vaguely uneasy whenever James did that. Physical contact was very much so frowned down on in his family to the point of the last time Sirius had been caught hugging Regulus they had been been disciplined. So whenever James did touch him, Sirius halfway expected punishment to follow.

After breakfast they noticed Lupin leaving. James and Sirius exchanged looks then just ran after him, Peter following. After all weren't they supposed to be doing some research together? Lupin looked a little startled when they approached him but went with them to the library where he began looking for the bat-bogey hex. He was _definitely_ in his element among the books. He began mumbling to himself as he searched, not stuttering once; nor did he stutter when they sat down at the table and he began explaining.

"What?" he asked, realizing they were staring at him.

Sirius put his foot in it by saying, "You're not stuttering." Immediately Lupin went red and began stuttering worse than usual.

"You shouldn't have said anything!" James complained, hitting Sirius.

Sirius considered apologizing but then figured what did he have to apologize for? He hadn't meant to _upset_ Lupin but it had been a harmless remark. Still... he probably should be more careful about what he said around Lupin. It was obvious the kid was delicate in every way, not just physical. Which _should_ have made him annoying to Sirius however just furthered Sirius's overwhelming desire to protect him.

A desire that kicked in pretty hard on Monday. After classes were over Lupin pretty much disappeared, which wasn't so unusual... however when he did finally make an appearance at supper Professor McGonagall herself came down the aisle to him, carrying Lupin's school bag. She handed it over, stating that it had been turned in by another student. Sirius, James, and Peter all looked at Lupin who remained completely silent. He didn't even have any kind of excuse! McGonagall told him off for leaving his wand laying around which spurred Lupin into finally speaking, sounding in near tears as he stammered out an apology. Sirius frowned, wondering what on earth could have happened to make Lupin leave his _wand_? That was as weird as leaving your clothes behind!

McGonagall took Lupin out of the Great Hall and without even consulting each other Sirius and James both got up and followed.

"Who loses their wand?" James whispered. "I didn't think anyone was that mental."

He wanted to snap at James however they were right outside the door that McGonagall and Lupin had gone behind. Sirius and James pressed their ears against the wood.

McGonagall was talking. "...imagine why anyone would just abandon their wand. Books, perhaps; never their wand. Unless you were run off and couldn't get it."

Sirius clenched his teeth. Of course. Someone had taken it from him, or knocked his bag away and chased him somewhere. His temper began flaring up as Lupin squeaked a response so faint neither of them heard it. McGonagall said something else then Lupin said, "I'm fine. It w–was an accident th-that's all."

Sirius's hands curled into fists when McGonagall asked if it was Spinnet. Lupin denied this. Then suddenly the door was flung open and Sirius and James both fell forward onto the floor at McGonagall's feet.

"Do you two know anything about this?" McGonagall demanded, not bothering to tell them off for listening in.

"No, Professor," Sirius said, noticing how pale and upset Lupin looked. He _had_ been bullied. James said they didn't know he had been attacked, then Sirius suggested it was probably Slytherins because it _was_ probably Slytherins, who else _would_ it be? McGonagall gave him a warning for that one but he didn't care. All he saw was Lupin shaking, eyes full of fear. He denied again being attacked. McGonagall tried again but then Lupin shocked them all by snapping quite angrily at McGonagall.

Once he left, McGonagall turned to Sirius and James. "Do you have any ideas as to who could have hurt him?"

"Probably Slytherins," Sirius suggested again.

McGonagall narrowed her eyes however James then spoke up with, "We'll keep an eye on him, Professor."

"Do you know _anything_ about this at all?" she inquired. "Has he mentioned anyone bullying him?"

Sirius and James looked at each other. "Lupin... doesn't really talk to us," Sirius admitted.

"He doesn't really talk to _anyone_, really," James added.

Sirius began rubbing the back of his head. "I mean, I _try_ to talk to him. He just seems like... he... doesn't want company."

"But as I said, we'll keep watch," James promised.

"If anyone tries anything on him I'll hex them," Sirius said. McGonagall gave him a _look_, and Sirius grinned. "I mean, er, I'll come let you know, Professor. I promise."

Back in the Great Hall they sat with Lupin, trying to find out who did this to him-whatever 'this' was. Lupin ate silently, cheeks vaguely pink. At one point his eyes darted to the Slytherin table and Sirius followed his gaze to see Mulciber and Avery. "Is that who did it?" Sirius asked, anger taking hold of his body. Lupin said no but Sirius knew he was lying. It _was_ those jerks. James opened his mouth to probably call him out on his lie however Lupin just left the Great Hall.

"Why is he protecting _Slytherins_?" Peter asked.

"He's probably scared they'll do worse to him," James said.

All three of them were looking at Mulciber and Avery now. The two Slytherins were laughing about something with a third Slytherin. "We don't know for sure," Sirius said, returning to his food. "Let's ask him tonight."

Except when they tried to Lupin finally snapped that he wouldn't help them with the furry bat-bogies if they continued to pursue this, which stopped them in their tracks. _He really is defending Slytherins_, Sirius thought, absolutely confused. _Why_? He went to bed, brain whirling around possible revenge plans. Even if Lupin didn't confirm it was those two he wanted revenge anyway. Mulciber and Avery were nasty pieces of work, they probably deserved something happening to them anyway.

That night Sirius lay awake, feeling rather uncomfortable at the fact there was someone else in his bed. James had fallen asleep a few moments ago, arms and legs sprawled, mouth hanging open a little. Sirius just stared at the top of his canopy, breathing slowly and carefully. It had been a strange hour: they had all been awoken by Lupin's screams. Another nightmare. He had had _tears_ on his face when he emerged from his bundle of blankets which made Sirius feel things he rarely felt. After everyone calmed down (aka: Spinnet, being rude to Lupin) and went to bed, James crawled into Sirius's bed to talk to him, about Lupin. Wondering what was wrong with him. His illness, his nightmares... Sirius didn't have any more idea than James did, but they talked for quite a bit until James yawned, said he was too tired, goodnight, and just rolled over, going to sleep in Sirius's bed.

So now he lay there, too frightened to move, too _unsure_.

Sirius and Regulus had occasionally slept in the same bed when they were very young, until Sirius was five and Regulus four. Then their parents told them they were too old to behave like babies. After that occasionally they'd slip into each other's rooms, sharing a bed. They tried to part before their parents woke up but sometimes they were caught and punished.

The last time had been in '67. It was the middle of the night when there was a soft tapping at his bedroom door, then Reg came creeping in. _Ri_? he had whispered in the darkness. _I don't feel good_.

Sirius had moved over and Reg climbed up into his bed, curling up next to him. _It's okay_, Sirius had replied, sensing it was bad dreams, _you can stay here_. He had held onto Reg until Reg fell asleep, breathing into his neck. In the morning their mother found them there together and went ballistic. Sirius told her it had been his fault, that he had gotten up and dragged Regulus into his room, so he took the brunt of the punishment.

Now, in '71, Sirius reached down to touch the scar along his side, the one he had gotten that day. He gave an involuntary shiver then rolled over, edging away from James.

Sirius didn't get any sleep at all that night as he subconsciously awaited his mother bursting in with her wand out to punish him.


	3. Chapter Three - September 1971 Part Two

_And when I wake tomorrow I'll bet_  
_That you and I will walk together again_

_\- We're Going To Be Friends, The White Stripes_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Sirius felt pretty miserable in the morning, mostly due to lack of sleep. He didn't know how to really put into words how he felt, so he just pushed the feelings back as far as they could, plastered a smile on his face, and pretended like everything was fine. He knew he was a good actor when he actually tried, so he doubted James noticed anything weird. _Hoped_ James didn't notice. He tried not to be upset with James (that was one of the feelings he pushed aside) since his friend obviously never had been told sharing a bed was babyish and _wrong_. Or supposed to be. Like physical contact, which was something else James was so free with.

"Flying lessons again today," James said, hand on Sirius's shoulder. "So excited! Even with the _awful_ old school brooms. I can't wait till I can have my _own_ broom next year. Course, I'll also be on the team."

Sirius could feel the warmth from James's hand burning into him. He was torn between pushing James away and wanting James to never let go because deep down, where he didn't want to admit it, it felt rather nice to be touched like that instead of being smacked around. "I can't wait to see you fly again," he said.

"You're pretty good yourself," James replied, letting go of Sirius's shoulder.

Sirius smiled. "Thanks. I didn't get to fly a whole lot growing up since I live in _London_ but whenever we went to relatives who live away from cities I was able to."

"We've got a lot of land protected from Muggle eyes-kinda like Hogwarts-so I was able to fly whenever I wanted. We even have a miniature pitch in the yard, just one set of hoops but good for practice." James then gave a disgusted sound, eyes narrowing as they passed by some Slytherins. "I just wish we didn't have to learn with them."

"Same." It was harder to pretend everything was fine when he had Slytherins glaring at him with accusing eyes. Especially the ones related to him, which he knew were the ones writing nasty letters to his parents. _Sirius did this, Sirius did that, Sirius is talking to Potter, Sirius is running around with Pettigrew, Sirius wants to be friends with Lupin_.

Okay, maybe not that last one since nobody knew how _much_ he needed to be friends with Lupin. He didn't think James even realized. In fact, he twisted around, trying to see where Lupin went. He had _no_ idea where the small boy scarpered off to. He frowned, then kept walking with James to the common room to play some cards. They had just gotten things set up when a hushed sound went across the tower. Professor McGonagall had just come in. Everyone tried to act like they were doing whatever they had been doing but they were definitely watching their head of house scanning the room. McGonagall frowned after she scanned the room a second time.

Then she approached them. Sirius felt slightly panicked, trying to think of what they'd done to cause so much chaos that McGonagall was fetching them herself. He and James exchanged panicked looks which smoothed into innocent smiles. "Hullo Professor," James said brightly. "Can we help you?"

"Is Mr. Lupin up in his dorm room, do you know?"

Sirius arched his eyebrow. Lupin? "Uh, don't think so, we were just in there a moment ago," Sirius said slowly. "D'you want me to check?"

"Please."

Sirius pushed his chair back then went up to the dorm room. Lupin? What did she want with him? Did this have to do with him being bullied the other day? Did she find his wand again? Sirius went into the empty dorm, checking under Lupin's bed, then checking the bathrooms. Nope. He hurried back down to let her know Lupin wasn't around.

"Thank you," she said. "If you see him could you tell him he needs to report to Professor Dumbledore's office?" With that she swept out of the common room, leaving two shocked boys in her wake.

"Dumbledore?!" James whispered, clutching at his cards. "What does _Dumbledore_ want with him?!"

"I-I don't know." Sirius picked up his cards but didn't really see them. Instead he saw tiny little Lupin getting into so much trouble the headmaster needed to see him. "Let's go find him."

James pulled a face. "If McGonagall hasn't found him, what makes you think we can?"

"She's probably not _looked_-looked, just come up here," Sirius reasoned.

James sighed, slapping the cards down. "All right, then. We can do some exploring while we go. Though he's probably just in the library, isn't that where he always go?"

But he wasn't in the library, though they picked Peter up during the search. He wasn't in the Great Hall either, or in any of the corridors they checked. Sirius even asked a few ghosts since he knew Lupin talked to them however none of them knew. By the time supper started they gave up, trudging back to the Great Hall for some food. James was, at least, pleased they had done so much exploring of the school though Sirius felt disappointed, as well as worried. He poked at his supper until Peter nudged him. He looked up to see Lupin coming into the Great Hall, taking a seat far from the other boys.

"Come on," James said, getting up. All three of them went down to where Lupin was hunched over. "Hey! Professor McGonagall said that Professor Dumbledore needs to see you."

Lupin jumped slightly as they sat around him, visibly anxious. It took him a few seconds to speak. "Th-thank you, b-b-but I know, I've-I've been to s-ssee him."

He didn't sound distressed, per say, just his usual stuttering self. Plus no explanation. Sirius leaned in closely. "What did the _headmaster_ want with you? What did you do?"

"_Nothing_!" Remus scooted away, sounding very indignant and vaguely offended. He frowned, brow wrinkling, as he slowly began talking again. "It-it was-it-..." He swallowed, eyes flickering down towards his food. "About my-my mother." Sirius had a flash of understanding that lasted only a second, assuming Lupin was in trouble with his parents. Had they shown up to punish him? But then he continued talking, erasing that thought. "She's ill, y-you see, and sometimes she gets these really bad relapses. P-Professor Dumbledore w-wanted to let me know if-if I needed to leave to-to go see her, I could. So if s-something happens, it's all arranged."

Sirius was stunned. Lupin's mother was ill? Not only that, Lupin wanted to go _see_ her? Peter said something, Lupin replied, Sirius barely hearing him at first until the words sank in.

"I l-like being with her when it's r-really bad."

Lupin _liked_ being with his mother? Why would anyone purposely spend more time around their parents? It just meant more opportunity to be punished. What did Lupin mean? Potter expressed sympathy which sounded weird too. _He likes being with her_? Sirius just stared at Lupin, trying to decode these words, trying to find a real meaning, because obviously nobody wanted to spend time with their parents. Even if Walburga was ill Sirius couldn't imagine-fathom-_dream_ about _purposely_ going in and sitting with her. Unless he was forced. Was Lupin forced? That was a probability. Perhaps if he didn't go in to sit with his ill mother he got into deep trouble. Yes, that had to be it.

Then there was that annoying redheaded girl, rudely shoving James off the bench, pushing herself into the conversation, asking Lupin about the meeting with Dumbledore. Lupin repeated his words then the girl hugged him.

Just hugged him.

A flare of irritation went up in Sirius at the sight, though he wasn't sure _why_ he was irritated, just that it bugged him seeing her hug him. Lupin looked shocked, eyes huge, mouth slightly open. He hadn't been expecting the hug and didn't look all that pleased to be hugged which helped dampen the irritation.

"I'm so sorry," Evans said once she let go. Sirius figured she meant the hug except she went on to say something that sounded like she was sorry that Lupin's mother was sick. She said she'd be there for him, which brought the irritation back. Who was she that she assumed she was so welcome in Lupin's life? Also, why was it such a bad thing that his mother was sick?

The girl left, Lupin went back to eating, James and Peter chattered away, Sirius just stared at his food, trying to sort through the confusion.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

James thought it was hilarious that Evans had hugged Lupin. He kept making jokes about it all evening then when Lupin came into the dorm it seemed as though everyone was teasing him except for Struthers. Sirius joined in the teasing because he liked to tease plus provoking a reaction from Lupin made him feel good. Even if it was annoyed attention at least Lupin wasn't ignoring him. Except they went a little too far with their teasing because the tiny boy exploded.

"You two can do your _own_ research then, if that's how you feel about it, you-you-you poisonous bunch-backed TOADS!" He stormed out of the dorm leaving everyone in surprise.

"What a freak," Spinnet said.

"You're a freak," Sirius snapped then left the dorm without another word, hurrying down the stairs. He couldn't see Lupin anywhere in the common room. Surely he hadn't had time to cross to the entrance! Besides, it was after curfew. He went over to a group of second year boys playing cards near the staircase. "Hey, have you seen Lupin?" Sirius held his hand up to indicate Lupin's height. "He would have come down here just a couple seconds ago."

All three of them shrugged. "Sorry, haven't seen him," said the boy who seemed to be the leader of that trio, a rather pudgy round-faced boy who really didn't appear to be, at first glance, the type of boy to be the James of the group. But Sirius could tell by the way the other two kept glancing at him that he was.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, now bugger off, we're busy," said the tall redhead.

Sirius narrowed his eyes. The pudgy one snorted. "Quin, be nice," he warned then smiled at Sirius. "Sorry about that."

"Mmm." He glared at the redhead again then went to ask someone else but nobody had seen him. He went back up the stairs, checking the bathrooms (empty) before returning to the dorm. "He's gone."

"Who?" James asked.

Sirius stared at him. "Lupin."

"Oh. I'm sure he's fine. Come on, I wanna show you something."

Sirius got onto James's bed as James flipped through a magazine, not really paying attention. He kept seeing the hurt on Lupin's face. Heard the anger in his voice. The way he stormed out. The evening stretched on, he and James and Peter played games but Sirius was hardly there. James finally gave up trying to get much of anything from his friend and played chess with Peter. Sirius went down to the common room a couple more times though didn't see him, not even after everyone else started to go to bed. He got ready for bed, threw on his pajamas behind his bed curtains, tried to go to sleep, gave up, and sat up drawing. He sketched out an outline of James with his cocky grin. It wasn't that great but wasn't too bad. Then he drew Peter sticking his lower lip out in a pout. Finally he slowly began trying to make a drawing of Lupin. This turned out horribly. It just didn't look right at all. He erased lines over and over then tried again. He was just trying a third time-focusing on Lupin's unusual eyes even though it was in pencil for now-when the door opened. Sirius's curtains were closed so he couldn't see anything but who else would it be besides Lupin? He was about to get out of bed when Lupin left the room again.

Sirius opened his curtains and waited. Soon Lupin crept back in wearing one of his raggedy pairs of pajamas, freezing like an animal when he spotted Sirius. Sirius waited for him to say something. Anything. Instead Lupin went to his bed, closing the curtains. Sirius scrambled off his bed, hurrying over. He knew he shouldn't be doing this, knew it was wrong. He just didn't feel like listening to that tiny voice (which sounded suspiciously like his mother).

He tapped at one of the bedposts. "Psst. Hey, Lupin. Pssssst." Silence. "I know you're still awake, nobody can fall asleep in five seconds." Silence. "Come on, open up."

"Go away," hissed out a tiny voice.

Sirius opened the curtains, deciding to ignore Lupin's voice too. Lupin rolled over so he could glare furiously at Sirius in a way that sent a chill down Sirius's spine. His golden-amber eyes had something almost animalistic in them. "I said go away! Hey!" he complained as Sirius just climbed into Lupin's bed. "S-stop it!"

Sirius looked into those strange eyes and said the words he hated to say, that he barely ever said yet was saying for the second time in as many weeks. Or had it been three weeks? Either way, he was saying _those words_ again. "I'm sorry."

He truly meant it, and not in the same way when he apologized to Struthers. With Struthers he had done something extremely wrong, used a vile term that sure he didn't understand at the time was vile but quickly realized how _wrong_ it was. He meant his apology then, for his stupidity, for saying something so horrible, for not understanding, for hurting someone.

With Lupin... he hadn't really done anything particular _wrong_, it had just been teasing and nothing _nasty_... it was just for some reason he couldn't stand the thought of Lupin being actually mad at him, or the thought that he had hurt Lupin specifically. It made him feel sick.

He expected Lupin to just accept the apology, to be _impressed_ by the apology. After all, Blacks never apologized. Instead Lupin said, "For what, invading my privacy?"

Sirius was taken aback by that response. "For teasing you," he replied, feeling awkward. Lupin was still scowling, eyes glinting. Hopefully that would be enough... however Lupin rolled onto his side, his back now to Sirius as he told him to again go away. _It's not good enough then_, he thought, running his fingers through his hair as he tried to sort out how to _fix_ this. How to apologize better. Was there such a thing as apologizing better? "Hey, look, I-I'm not good at apologizing," he said as he moved closer to Lupin, wishing he could find the right words to soothe the boy. How did one do a _good_ apology besides 'I'm sorry'? Was it not enough? He wasn't even supposed to say those words! "I don't do it often so give me a break."

Lupin didn't even bother looking at Sirius as he responded, "It's not that your apology is bad, it's that I don't care right now."

Sirius sat back against his heels, mind whirling. Okay, his apology was all right then. Lupin just didn't care. _We really upset him_... He thought back to what they had done. The teasing song. What was so wrong with that? Lupin _was_ hanging out with Evans. They probably were boyfriend-girlfriend which sent a rather angry shiver through Sirius's body, though he couldn't explain why it annoyed him so much. Probably because he hated Evans so much. Except he wasn't really sure why he hated her. Just that he did.

His mind was a jumbled mess, full of tangling threads he couldn't follow to the source, to explain why he felt the things he felt. It was like everything inside of him was rebelling. Rebelling, he could understand. He'd been rebelling against his parents for ages. But why did his own mind and soul had to rebel against _him_? It didn't seem right. He should _know_ why he felt certain things. Like why hurting Lupin left such a deep ache inside his chest. It made no sense. But he still had to fix it.

_All right, he doesn't care_. Sirius considered leaving the bed but he didn't want to end things on such a sour note. "What's a back-bunched toad?" he asked.

That worked. Lupin turned around, forehead wrinkled as he gave Sirius such a confused look. "_What_?"

Sirius smiled, tilting his head. "You called us poisonous back-bunched toads, what are they?"

"Bunch-backed. It's nothing. It's an insult. From Shakespeare." His voice had an odd lilt to it, like he didn't want to answer but _did_ want to answer. Like he had to correct Sirius no matter what. Which got rid of the bit of anger inside of Sirius, pleasure flooding in instead.

"It was a good insult. Mind if we use it on the Slytherins? I bet they wouldn't like being called poisonous back-bunched toads."

"_Bunch-backed_." He sounded so annoyed, thankfully not angry-annoyed but the sort of irritation that Sirius liked, like Lupin _having_ to pay attention to him without being angry or hurt. That was nice.

"Right. So, erm..." He fiddled with the cuff of his pajama tops, a bit worried to ask, yet having to ask. "Apology accepted?"

Lupin blinked then lay back down with his back to Sirius. "Just go away. Please."

Sirius got out of his bed, watching Lupin's back for several seconds before shutting the curtains and returning to his own bed, more confused than ever although he had certainly noticed Lupin hadn't stammered once during their interaction.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The next day in Defense they were learning beginning dueling spells which was _amazing_ except all they were learning were sparks which _wasn't_ amazing, it was quite boring, actually. Sirius got paired up with Alice Colgate who had a mass of brown curls and big eyes behind glasses. The class seemed to be going all right for the most part, to start with; Sirius and Colgate waved their wands at each other to no avail. It seemed to be out of grasp for everyone... then, just as Dedenne began chiding James for being too show off-y with his stance, Lupin shouted the spell and there was a huge shower of green sparks.

Lupin looked rather startled while Sirius began clapping, as did the rest of the class. Dedenne stared at him and Sirius expected him to be getting some points.

Instead Dedenne seemed... angry. "How _dare_ you attack when your partner's back is turned!" she snarled. Lupin's smile slowly faded like the sparks. "Good sportsmanship and proper dueling form states to never attack someone with their back turned! Ten points from Gryffindor!"

Sirius's eyes bulged a little and he glanced over at James who seemed just as shocked. But nothing could have prepared them for what happened next.

"You had your back turned to me practically this entire time, was I not supposed to practice the spell then?!" Lupin demanded, eyes blazing, cheeks going rather pink.

Sirius choked, unable to believe his ears, unable to believe Lupin-shy, quiet, timid little teacher's pet Lupin who could barely speak-just gave attitude to a teacher! Even if she did deserve it.

Everyone waited for Dedenne's response who was coloring darkly. Her voice was tense as she spoke, like she was holding back. "Ten more points from Gryffindor for talking back, _and_ detention." Lupin began shaking, like _he_ was holding something back too. "Now remove yourself from my class since you obviously can't _control yourself."_

Sirius's eyes got even bigger as Lupin walked to retrieve his bag from the side of the room then left, slamming the door shut behind him. Everyone just sort of stood there, stunned.

Dedenne brushed herself off then told the students to begin practicing again. Nobody moved. "Continue," she said, a little snappish.

Some of the others began working again however Sirius just stood there, putting his hand in the air. She ignored him. "Professor?"

"Questions after class, please," she said, still not looking at him.

"Professor," he said again, not letting it go. "Why did you take points away from him for getting it right?"

Dedenne turned her sharp eyes on him. "Were you not listening, Mr. Black? He used the spell on me while my attention was elsewhere. That is not good form for dueling, attacking someone's back. Now-"

"But we weren't dueling," Sirius pressed. "You said to just practice the spell, you didn't say anything about dueling."

"Enough, Mr. Black-"

"I just want to know, are we practicing the spell or are we dueling?"

She looked like she wanted to throw him out of class too. "Dueling," she finally said. "Now, please, return to-"

"If we're dueling shouldn't we learn a shielding sp-"

"Stop running that mouth of yours, Mr. Black, before I lose my temper! Get back to practicing!" She gave a curt nod as if that were that.

Sirius just raised his eyebrows. "You mean dueling?"

The room was absolutely silent once more, except for Dedenne's heavy breathing through her nose. "Ten more points from Gryffindor. And if you cannot conduct yourself properly you can leave as well."

Sirius hesitated then shrugged, going over to get his bag, ignoring everyone's stares as he left the classroom. _I just did that_, he thought, heart pounding in his chest. _I just walked out of class_. He felt quite pleased, actually, and rather wished James would leave too. He considered waiting but also wanted to find Lupin who couldn't have gotten too far...

Except he _had_, because Sirius couldn't find him anywhere before Defense was over. He returned to wait outside the class, rather dejected. He had wanted to tell Lupin he had done amazing with the spell, and it wasn't fair for Dedenne to kick him out. Her reaction to him managing the spell seemed very out of proportion. Why would she act like that? Take points away for doing what she asked? It made _zero_ sense.

"Siiiriiiusss!" James bounced out of the classroom, wrapping an arm around him which sent a shudder of revulsion through Sirius's body. "That was-wow! Just _wow_! You just-and then you-"

"She looked ready to kill anyone else who spoke up," said Peter, giggling a bit. "You and Lupin really made her _mad_."

"I was just asking questions," Sirius said rather haughtily as they walked through the halls. "Surely you must agree that Lupin didn't deserve that."

"Of course he didn't," James agreed. "Dedenne completely went off the deep end there. Have you seen Lupin?"

"No, couldn't find him," he replied.

Peter shrugged. "He's probably in the library."

Sirius shook his head. "Already checked." He had also checked under Lupin's bed. "No idea where he went."

"We'll see him at supper," James said, reassuringly. "I managed the sparks by the way! Not as well as Lupin did. Still..." He puffed out his chest, looked up and down the hall, then brandished his wand. "Verdimillious!"

About half a dozen green sparks shot out.

Sirius gave him a thumbs up. "Brilliant work there! I should probably practice."

"I can help you," James said loftily.

Sirius shoved at him. "Thank you, O Great Master of Dueling! Or is it Practicing?"

All three boys bust up laughing at that as they went to find somewhere to pass the time. They wound up outside near the lake, chattering about nothing in particular. Then James nudged Sirius, jerking his chin towards a lone figure a little ways down the beach.

"Isn't that the git from the train? 'More brawn than brains'?" he asked.

"Huh?" Sirius tried to remember the train ride but the interaction had long slipped out of his head. "Yeah, I think so. Yeah, big nose. That's him."

James began marching over, Sirius and Peter following. "What's he doing?" Pete whispered, tugging at Sirius's sleeve.

"Probably getting us into trouble!" laughed Sirius.

"Oi! Big nose!" James called as soon as they were close enough. The Slytherin turned around, frowning. "Hey, you. More brawn than brains, right? That's what you said about Gryffindors, right?"

The Slytherin clenched his teeth, lip curling back in a sneer. "Go away, Potter."

James began twirling his wand between his fingers. "What say we test that out? Huh? How about it?"

"Are you challenging me to a duel?" The Slytherin sounded like he were talking to a slug.

"_Obviously_!" James rolled his eyes. "Sorry, didn't realize how _dense_ you were. Should I talk slower?"

The snake went for his wand for a split second then his hand dropped. "Go bother someone who cares."

"Awww, too scared to take me on?"

"Three against one." The snake's eyes darted to Sirius then Peter. "I always knew Gryffindors were cheaters."

"Who said anything about them? Just you and me. Come on, then, Big Nose." James got into the dueling stance he had been doing in Defense. "Unless you're too much of a coward."

"Oh, yes, that's me," the Slytherin said in a derisive tone. "I'm so afraid of a few sparks. I'm shaking in my boots." His turned his focus to Sirius. "Now if you were dueling, I might actually be a touch afraid." He didn't actually sound afraid, more like mocking that set Sirius's teeth on edge. "I bet you know all sorts of nasty stuff. _Black_." Sirius's stomach curled while fury shot through his entire body. He whipped his wand out which amused the Slytherin more than anything else. "How in Merlin's name did you mess up so badly you wound up in _Gryffindor_? Your family must be _so_ proud."

"Stuff it, Slytherin," Sirius growled, tightening his grip.

The Slytherin's black eyes lit up, very aware of the fact he had gotten under Sirius's skin. Now he turned, rather gleefully, towards James. "Are you even aware of who you're running around with, Potter?"

"Yeah, my best mate," James said, lifting his wand. "You got anything to say about him, you might as well be writing your death certificate."

"You're quite right about that," the Slytherin said, silkily now. "To cross a Black is the same thing as jumping off the highest tower without a wand or broom. They're all crazy. Oh, I know who you are, Sirius Black, even if you don't know me. I know your lineage..." He began chuckling. "Careful, Potter. The slightest thing might just make him _snap_." He was eyeing Sirius as he said this, clearly trying to push him into lashing out. To prove what he just said.

The temptation was very high.

But someone else beat him to it.

He was on the verge of using one of the spells he did know when James's fist went flying out, crashing hard into the Slytherin's large nose, sending him reeling back to the ground. "To cross Sirius is the same thing as crossing me, you slime-headed, big-nosed _flobberworm_!" James shouted.

The Slytherin was wallowing on the ground, crying in pain as blood gushed around his fingers.

"Come on," James said, tucking his wand away. "A dung pile is better company than this thing!" He stepped over the Slytherin's body without another word. Sirius followed, practically floating. This was the second time James had fought for Sirius's honor. It was such a strange, disorienting feeling. He didn't deserve it. What the Slytherin said _was_ right. The Blacks were crazy. Liable to snap. Horrible tempers. Well, some of them. Like his mother. Unfortunately that's something else he inherited from her... that temper...

"Thanks, James," Sirius said when they were nearly to the castle.

"Any time." James began shaking his hand. "That hurt," he complained. "His face is harder than I expected."

"What was his name again?" Sirius asked, since he couldn't remember.

James spread his arms out. "I dunno. Snivellus I think. Yeah, that was it. Snivellus."

"Snape," Peter said.

They both stopped, turning. Sirius had completely forgotten Peter was with them and judging by the look on James's face he had too. "Snape?" Sirius asked.

"Uh-huh." Peter began wringing his hands. "I remember from roll call in Potions. Severus Snape."

"Nah, it's Snivellus," laughed James.

Sirius tried to remember if he ever heard anything about the Snape name. It wasn't one he recognized at all. "He's not pureblood," he said simply.

Peter's face flushed while James coughed. "Does that matter?"

Sirius blinked then realized Peter wasn't pureblood either. _Neither is Lupin_, he thought, remembering Lupin saying that his mother was Muggle. "Of course not," he said quickly. "Just... I assumed I'd know who he was, since he knows who I am. Then again, I guess it's not so strange to know about the Black name..." He looked down at that, shame burning into his skin.

James reached out, squeezing Sirius's shoulder. "Who gives a horklump that you're a Black? I don't."

"N-neither do I," Peter mumbled.

_Lupin does_. He remembered the look on Lupin's face when they were in the hospital wing the other day, when Sirius tried talking to him. "Thanks," he said, managing a smile. He gave James a playful punch in the shoulder. "Now, you should really go clean your hand off. Who _knows_ what kind of diseases that slimy git had on his dumb face."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

That night in the dorms Spinnet started teasing Lupin again about Evans. Sirius stood up for Lupin with James backing him up, which irritated Spinnet. He accused them of changing their tune because Lupin wouldn't do their homework for them which was an absolutely ridiculous claim that made Sirius laugh. Lupin snapped at Spinnet, then at Sirius and James before leaving. Sirius just sighed. Even when he hadn't done anything wrong Lupin seemed to hate him. _He still hasn't accepted my apology_, he thought miserably, joining in James and Peter's card game without really paying attention while Struthers worked on a puzzle and Spinnet worked on his homework. It was all fine until Spinnet began complaining about Lupin again for no apparent reason. Almost like he wanted everyone else to agree with him, that he was looking for validation on teasing Lupin. He pointed out again that Sirius and James had teased the night before.

"Yeah, well, we changed our minds," said James.

"Afraid of him?" Spinnet asked.

"Why would we be afraid of him?" Sirius asked, not even looking up.

"There's something not right about him." Spinnet got up, folding his arms, staring hard at the other boys. Struthers sighed pushing his chair back so he could go to his bed, as if wanting to avoid this. "C'mon, you have to admit that. He's... weird."

"He's shy, that's all," Sirius said.

"He's not _normal_!" Spinnet spat out. "He-he's like if someone threw in the wrong piece." He pointed at Struthers' puzzle now. "He doesn't fit in. At all. Lupin's just _wrong_." Sirius finally looked up, feeling the familiar fire of his temper. "He's a freak! Who even has nightmares like that? He's woken us up twice now, _screaming_. Screaming!" Spinnet flailed his arms. "He can't even talk!"

James spoke up. "You don't know his background. It's not his fault he isn't normal." Sirius shot a dark look at his friend but didn't say anything.

"Maybe he's mad," Spinnet continued, licking his lips, nodding as if what James said made him figure it all out. "Maybe he lived at Saint Mungo's. That's why he can't talk and has nightmares and attacked Professor Dedenne like that."

"He didn't attack her," Sirius said, furious. "He just did what was asked."

"He was c-" Spinnet stopped as the door opened, and in came Lupin. Nobody said anything at all. Actually Struthers acted like he was asleep. Lupin's eyes darted around the room as if waiting for someone to say something, and Sirius had a sinking suspicion the boy had heard everything. He watched Lupin go to his bed, hoping at least he had heard Sirius and James sticking up for him.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

_Dear Brother, 21/9/71_

_I'm sorry I haven't been able to write until now. I have to do it in secret because Mother and Father say I should not be in contact with you. They say since your a Gryffindor your even more of a bad inflewence on me. but I still miss you even if you are. I know you probably don't want to hear this but maybe if you try to be friends with the Slytherins and not the Gryffindors Mother and Father won't be so mad? I'm just worried about you. I thoght that you going to Hogwarts would make things better but it just seems like its worser._

_I just really miss you. I wish you were in Slytherin so when I get there we could spend more time together. I'm scared when I start Hogwarts Mother and Father will say I shouldn't be around you because of who your around (they say you are running with a blood traitor and a half dirty blood but that can't be right can it?)._

_I know you've written to me but I haven't seen the letters because Mother has taken both of them. Tell Filibuster to take them only to me in my room. Maybe I can get them then._

_Miss you lots_

_Regulus_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Lupin began fading. That's how it seemed to Sirius. He watched him as the days passed. Lupin somehow got even quieter than usual, often gazing off into nothing with a sad expression. Even when he had his nose in a book, his brow furrowed, he seemed sad. Sirius had no idea what to do. How to help him.

On Saturday things just got worse. Sirius, James, and Peter were playing with a Quaffle when it disappeared onto a hill. James ran up to fetch it but instead of coming back they could hear him talking to someone, his voice rising.

"It isn't pity!" James said quite loudly. Sirius and Peter trotted up the hill to find Lupin there, face flushed pink. "You think that's the only reason anyone would want to be your friend?" James continued. "Out of pity? What sort of friends did you have before?"

Lupin spat out the words that felt like a familiar knife into Sirius. "None, actually!" His face went beet red as he covered his mouth. He hadn't meant to say that. He looked horrified. Embarrassed, and horrified.

"Mate," James began, his voice gentle, but Lupin took off, shoving pas them, nearly knocking Sirius to his feet. "Wait, Lupin!" James called but Lupin was faster than any of them expected, sprinting towards the school. "Bloody hell," James said. "Did... did he say he never had any friends? I didn't imagine that, did I?"

"No," Peter said. "I mean, yeah. I mean. Uh. You heard that."

"I didn't have friends like _you_," James said, turning to face them, "but I had friends."

"Me too." Peter nodded.

Then they both waited, watching Sirius who was busy staring at Lupin's nearly gone figure. He darted into the school, the doors shutting behind him. "Huh?" He blinked, coming back to the moment. "Oh. I dunno. I had people pretending to be my friends but I wouldn't consider any of them actual friends, if that counts."

No friends? _Lupin's like me then_, he thought then frowned. No. Not quite. He had Regulus. They fought a lot but they were brothers, they cared about each other. Did Lupin have _nobody_? That... explained a lot. His difficulty speaking. His fear of people. Alone? Really?

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Monday was one of the best days of Sirius's life. In Charms Flitwick paired everyone up to do the locomotor spell, and he put Sirius with Lupin who had spent the entirety of the previous day avoiding them. Sirius gladly scootched in next to Lupin. Lupin hunkered down, trying to make himself as small as possible, fingers plucking idly at the end of his sleeve, obviously distressed. He managed to do the spell beautifully though-he stuck the feather they were using up Flitwick's nose which was pretty much amazing. Then at lunch, Lupin actually allowed them to sit with him, even joining in some of their conversation, and ended up helping James tip a glass of pumpkin juice over into Snape's lap.

He sat with them at supper, too. He didn't even seem too angry when he came back from the library after James and Sirius set off a bunch of fireworks in there, only lecturing them a little bit with a puzzled look on his face. He didn't talk to them much more that evening, but Sirius considered it a very successful day.

It seemed Lupin was finally thawing out a little bit, although the next day in flying lessons he partnered up with a Slytherin for some reason. Sirius approached them at first, not sure why Lupin was standing with a familiar pale boy. He hesitated slightly, then asked if Lupin wanted to be partners.

Lupin shrank a little. "I th-thought you w-w-were with P-Pettigrew?"

_Does that mean he wanted to be with me_? Sirius wondered. "I'd rather you," he replied then glanced again at the blonde, finally realizing he knew who he was. Aegis Silverlocke. Why was he standing next to Lupin? "What do _you_ want?" he demanded, feeling uncomfortable, wanting to pull Lupin away from the Slytherin.

"We're-t-t-teamed up," Lupin admitted.

"Oh." Teamed up? With _Aegis Silverlocke_?! He wanted to ask why. He also wanted to tell Silverlocke to go jump in the lake. But he had the feeling if he did Lupin would get mad. So all he said was, "I see. Well, maybe next week." He returned to Peter's side, trying not to stare. _Why are you with him_? He mounted his broom then wondered if Lupin didn't know Silverlocke's lineage. Who he was.

After the lesson was over Sirius, James, and Peter started heading back to the castle but then he stopped, looking back at Lupin who was still standing close-too close-by Silverlocke. "Come on, Lupin!" Sirius called. "Hurry up!"

"Like he'll come," James muttered.

Lupin said something to Silverlocke then actually jogged over, joining them as they went back to the castle. Sirius felt a little better except he wanted to warn Lupin about the Slytherin, only not in front of James and Peter. They didn't get a chance to be alone and after supper Lupin left, probably to the library. Sirius wanted to follow him but couldn't since he and James were banned from the library. Instead he waited outside until just before curfew.

"Where's Lupin?" he asked when Evans and Twycross came out. Then to his shock Silverlocke came out too. "What are you doing here?" he asked bluntly.

"He's part of our study group," Evans said.

Sirius took a step back. Looking at Silverlocke. Then back at Evans. "With... Lupin...?"

"Yes?" Evans narrowed her eyes. "Remus never came to group. I assumed he was with you lot."

"He's not in there?" Sirius shifted his weight, confused. Where was Lupin? Why was Silverlocke in their study group? Was that why they partnered in flying lessons?

"No." With that Evans flounced off, followed by Twycross. Others were leaving the library but Silverlocke still stood there. He and Sirius stared at each other then Silverlocke walked off, glancing behind him. Sirius followed.

"What are you up to?" Sirius asked once they were in a side corridor.

"Trying to further my education," Silverlocke replied coolly. "Is there a problem with that?"

"Did you say something to Lupin?" he blurted out.

Silverlocke tilted his head. "I have not seen him since flying lessons. The last thing I told him was I'd see him tonight however as you can see..." He flourished one arm out. "He is not here. He said he had things to do."

"What things?"

"I haven't the faintest." Silverlocke tucked some of his hair behind one ear. "I'm assuming you're questioning me like this because you have an objection to my being part of the study group with your friend."

Sirius folded his arms. "Wow, brilliant deduction there, _Silverlocke_."

Silverlocke flinched slightly, clutching his books tightly against his chest. "I understand your... suspicions. However, I am not..." He stopped then looked away. "We are more alike than you might think."

"We're nothing alike," Sirius spat out.

His pale blue eyes locked onto Sirius's grey ones. "My apologies. I assumed you were as displeased with what's coursing through your veins as I am with mine." Sirius remained silent, not liking that because it was true. His side of it, of course. A little wormy sort of feeling dug its way into his brain but he dismissed it. Silverlocke continued to speak. "At least you were able to break free a little from your history by being put into Gryffindor, whereas..." He trailed off, finally looking at from Sirius. "In any case, I have nothing against Gryffindors. Nor Muggleborns. Or even Muggles."

Sirius tightened his arms, wanting to say something snarky, say something rude. "If I ever find out you've done something to Lupin-"

"Is there a particular reason you care so much?" Silverlocke asked lightly.

"He... he-he's my friend," Sirius spluttered out, not sure else how to answer. Why _did_ he care to this degree? What about Lupin drew him in so much?

"I shan't do anything," Silverlocke assured him. "I just want to live my own life. As I suspect you do, Black." He grit his teeth, wanting to pop that smug little face in. "I don't wish to be enemies," Silverlocke continued, "and I think we could be friends."

"You think wrong," Sirius said then stormed off, knowing that he couldn't warn Lupin. Somehow Silverlocke put on enough of an act to fool everyone in that study group to think he was a decent person. If he tried to tell Lupin... he thought that Lupin might get angry again. They weren't really friends yet, but Lupin was letting Sirius, James, and Peter into his life and Sirius didn't want to risk that.

_No_, he decided as he went to the Gryffindor tower, getting into trouble for being out five minutes after curfew. _I'll tell him later_.

The worm from a few minutes earlier returned: a thought that he might be being unfair, judging Silverlocke based on his blood. Like so many judged Sirius on his blood. He faltered a little as this realization struck him like lightning, then he shook it off. Or tried to. It still clung to him as he hung out with James, got ready for bed, curled up under his covers. He really didn't know a _lot_ about Silverlocke, just his blood, and what Walburga and Orion Black said about him.

_Is he really bad... or am I judging him for his blood, for being a Slytherin_? Sirius stared at the canopy above him, miserable that another tangle of thread had sunk into his chest.


	4. Chapter Four - October 1971 Part One

_Folding my clothes And I feel useless_

_Don't think I know How to do this_

_\- Wisdom, Mother Mother_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

_Sirius,_

_I wish to make it clear you are not to write unsupervised to Regulus. You've always had mad ideas in your head, insane urges that are NOT aligned with the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. Now that you are in a Shameful house you must understand how risky it is for your words to reach Regulus. Why you couldn't be in Slytherin is beyond me. You are a Black, we are _Slytherins_! There is NOTHING Right about being a Gryffindor. They are all thick-headed idiots! Unworthy to even look at us! Including that Creature you are spending time with, Pettigrew is FILTHY and you shall NOT speak to him anymore! Potter is only slightly tolerable, as long as you help bring him Back to the Pureblood side. Have you heard what his disgusting father said at the Ministry the other day? He spoke up in defense of a Mudblood at a trial involving a duel, against one of our own! Not a Black, mind you, but one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight, a Yaxley. Personally, if you ask me, we should be down to the Sacred Twenty-Seven because of Euphemia Shafiq's marriage to that Blood Traitor. How her family agreed to that match is beyond me though I suppose to their credit she is not of the Main Line._

_Speaking of matches, I think perhaps it is time to begin thinking of your own match. You will be twelve soon, so we only have a few years before a Proper age for betrothal._

_Walburga_

Sirius stood in front of the loo, rereading his mother's loathsome words. His hand shook a little then he began ripping the parchment to shreds, dropping the piece into the toilet and flushing. As the parchment swirled down the drain he bent forward, punching the wall so hard his knuckles burst open.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Sirius was ready to release some of his pent up anger the next day. He was ready for the littlest of excuses and it happened after Defense. Lupin had long disappeared which made Sirius feel even more irritated. He and James strode through the corridors with Peter trailing after them when they passed by some fourth year Slytherins. At first Sirius had no intention of doing anything until he heard one of them say snottily, "Personally, if you ask me, _some_ family trees seem to need a little _pruning."_

Sirius froze then spun around, hands curling into fists. "Want me to do some pruning on yours, Lestrange?"

Rabastan Lestrange turned as well, eyes narrowing, lips twisting into a smirk. "Got a problem, _Black_?"

"Yeah, I'm looking at it," Sirius sneered, ignoring the nervous sounds James and Peter were both making behind him.

"Big words for a little first year."

"Oh I'm sorry, I forgot how stupid you were, I'll try using simpler ones in the future." Sirius immediately ducked as a hex was flung his way, knowing that would push his buttons. "Gotta be faster than that."

He knew Lestrange, knew perfectly well he was the type to rely fully on magic. Making him weaker in a certain area Sirius was quite capable in. Sirius ducked under another hex then his fist connected _very_ loudly with Lestrange's mouth. Lestrange staggered back, clutching his bleeding mouth, eyes wide with shock.

"You-little-_bastard_!"

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

They wound up in the hospital wing and not in any trouble at all which Sirius considered an incredible amount of luck. Lestrange and his gang had slammed hexes into Sirius, James, and Peter without them able to put up much of a fight or even protect themselves. A teacher happened to be passing by, and assumed the older Slytherins had started it due to the fact they were several years older in addition to the miserable state the Gryffindors were in. Madame Pomfrey healed them up and sent them on their way. Sirius put his hands in his pockets, whistling cheerfully as they walked through the castle as if he hadn't just had burning boils all over his beautiful face.

"So... you wanna tell me why you started that?" James asked. "I'm not _mad_. Just curious."

Sirius shrugged. "I hate him." It had felt so good to pop him in the mouth too. He smiled to himself, reliving that second over and over in his head. It wasn't quite enough to shake off the memory of his mother's letter but it did help. Maybe they could do something else, to someone else-maybe to that idiot Snape.

"S-Sirius you attacked a fourth year," Peter mumbled.

"Point being?" Sirius asked, clenching his teeth a little. Peter squeaked then shook his head. "Didn't mean to get you guys involved though. You're okay now?"

"Yeah, mostly," James said with a sigh. "Next time, a little warning before you go hunting older students, all right?"

Sirius grinned. "All right. Oh, Merlin!" He had just stepped into their dorm and had to cover his nose.

James pinched his nose, looking around the smelly room. "What happened in here? Did Professor Sprout attack you or something?"

Lupin was sitting at his desk, surrounding by the stench of roses, looking a little embarrassed. "No, s-sorry, w-was trying a spell. Didn't w-work out so well."

Sirius raised his eyebrows, wondering what sort of spell Lupin had failed at. He figured Lupin could manage anything!

"It stinks! What _is_ that?" Peter asked, making a face.

"Roses, I think. A lot of roses. What were you even trying?" Sirius wanted to know, had to know. But Lupin's response was so soft and mumble-y that he didn't really get one. Sirius moved closer, intending to ask him to repeat it but he saw the parchment on the desk. There was quite a bit written down in a horrifying scrawl. How could someone so smart have such messy writing? It looked like Regulus's handwriting from when he was a little kid just learning to write. "Could you help me with my essay? You've got loads of stuff here I never even thought of." Forgetting entirely trying to find out what spell Lupin had clogged the room up with, he bent in closer, more curious about the essay.

They discussed homework for a while then Lupin actually agreed to help them out which was absolutely brilliant aside from the fact Sirius hadn't started his yet.

Lupin gave him such an exasperated look that it sent a thrill through Sirius's body. "It's d-d-due Monday! And it's supposed to be two feet long!"

Sirius wasn't sure _why_ that look made him feel so good, just that it did. "I'll work on it this weekend and you can help me smooth it out Sunday night, eh?" He hoped for another annoyed look, and got one along with an eye roll as Sirius tried not to grin. Provoking Lupin was a lot of fun!

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The weekend went pretty well, as Lupin joined them in card games and laughed quite a bit. He seemed to be in high spirits so on Sunday when Sirius went to wake him up he was worried to see Lupin now looked terrible. He was paler than normal, the shadows under his eyes darker than normal, and he had a slight sheen to him like he had a fever. Sirius watched him as he trudged along, obviously not well. Sirius held back comments about how he thought Lupin needed to see Pomfrey, especially when Lupin insisted he was just tired. So Sirius shrugged it off, hoping that that's all it was.

In the afternoon they managed to pull off a terrific prank, thanks to Lupin. He got one of his ghost friends to distract Filch so James and Sirius snuck into Filch's office with some dung bombs. They shut the door behind them, giggling. James started to open up Filch's desk but Sirius shook his head.

"Let's look around first," he said then went immediately over to a drawer labeled _Confiscated and Highly Dangerous_. James's eyes lit up and he ran over to go through the drawer with him. "More dung bombs," Sirius laughed, taking them out.

"Oh wowee look at all these!" James pulled out a long string of firecrackers, longer even than his arm. He draped them around his neck.

"Bloody hell this is amazing!" Sirius reached in the back then yanked his hand out with a cry of pain.

"You all right?" James asked.

Sirius sucked at his sore finger. "Something bit me."

"Did Filch booby trap his own stuff?" James asked, pulling the drawer out further. "Oh. No, fanged Frisbees. Look! Three of them!" James picked them up by their far edges, laughing as they snapped at him. "Whoa there." He shoved them down into his satchel then yelped as one of them managed to bite him. "Three! This is our lucky day."

"It won't be if we continue mucking about for much longer," Sirius pointed out though he went back to the drawer. "Man, this is a treasure trove of-oh. _Oh_. J-James!" Sirius carefully pulled out a very small vial full of blue-grey powder. "_James_!"

James looked over. "Yeah?"

"You-you know what this is?" He cradled the vial, stepping closer to one of the lights. "It's exploding powder."

James began choking on nothing. "What? _What_!? But that's-"

"Illegal." Sirius began grinning broadly. "And it's ours."

"Blimey." James bent in close, studying the vial closely. "This is gonna be absolutely incredible."

Sirius looked around then got a clean(ish) handkerchief off of Filch's desk, wrapping it around the vial before tucking it into his own satchel. "Let's go, we've spent too long in here already."

They put the dung bombs in Filch's desk carefully then left, resisting the urge to run because they didn't want to jostle the exploding powder too much. They rounded up Peter and Lupin, going to the dorm to show them everything except the exploding powder; Peter and Lupin seemed fine with things like the fanged Frisbees and Quickie-Quills but he wasn't too sure about something _illegal_. James seemed to agree since he didn't mention it either.

The rest of the afternoon passed by super happily until Lupin returned from the bathroom saying he mother was very ill, and he needed to go see her. He had a sheen on him again as he went for his cloak, putting a book in his pocket, apologizing.

Sirius got off the bed. "You don't need to apologize, mate. Is it really bad?"

"Y–yes, I–I suppose so. I–er–see you later." Lupin ran out of the dorm without another word, leaving the three of them just staring at the door.

"Ooookay," James drew out, scratching his head. "I hope she's okay."

Sirius was a little more concerned about Lupin. He didn't really look well enough to be traveling, though he supposed if he were to go anywhere Saint Mungo's was probably the best place. Unless, his mother _wasn't_ sick and it was Lupin instead. It did seem very odd to suddenly get a note while going to the bathroom...

Sirius excused himself, going down into common room. If someone had given Lupin a note it would probably be a prefect. Sirius scanned the room then began going to each prefect, asking them if they had spoken to Lupin this evening. Two of them weren't sure who Lupin even was, one of them said she had seen him run through the common room a few minutes ago but hadn't said anything to him, and the fourth one he found laughed and said, "That little weird kid? Nah."

Sirius glared. "You're a prefect, you shouldn't be talking about students that way."

The prefect-a seventh year-shrugged. "Me being a prefect has nothing to do with the fact your little friend is _weird_. I haven't talked to him. Now go away."

Sirius looked around again for other prefects then headed up the boys' side, knocking on the sixth years' dorm. No answer. He peeked in to see it was completely empty, so the sixth year male prefect wasn't around. He finally returned to his own dorm, a little puzzled as to who had given the note to Lupin.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"A _prefect_?" James hissed out. It was a little after midnight and the two of them were sitting on James's bed, trying to be as quiet as they could.

"Yes," Sirius replied, trying to sound casual. "It's be hilarious. The perfect prank."

James shook his head. "Merlin, Sirius, you're _crazy_. It's too dangerous. Exploding powder, on a prefect!"

"Not really!" Sirius scooted a little closer to James, making sure there was still enough space between them. "Think about it. Pranking a _seventh year prefect_! It'd be brilliant."

"I dunno..." James crossed his legs, pulling his glasses off so he could rub the lenses clean as he thought. "First you attack a fourth year, now you wanna attack a seventh year." Sirius just spread his hands out, not sure why it mattered how old their victims were! "What do you have against this prefect?"

"N-nothing. I just thought it'd be... fun..." James gave him a _look_ and Sirius sighed. "All right, fine. He called Lupin weird."

James put his glasses back on. "Lupin _is_ weird." Sirius pursed his lips, trying not to get too angry. "Aw, come on, he is!"

Sirius looked down now, not really able to deny that. "Whether he is or not doesn't change the fact a prefect shouldn't be calling kids _weird_. It's rude. Mean, even."

"So. Revenge."

"Yup!"

James drummed his fingers against his leg then slowly smiled. "All right, let's do it."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

A day and a half later James and Sirius were in Professor McGonagall's office being questioned over the exploding powder that had gone off in a seventh year prefect's underwear and sock drawer the night before. Both boys professed their absolute innocence, pointing out that exploding powder was illegal so how could they ever have gotten any?

"A small vial was stolen from Mr. Filch's office on Sunday," McGonagall said, eyes cutting into both of them. "Along with multiple other objects including three fanged Frisbees." She leaned forward, tilting her head forward to look over her glasses at them. "Wasn't a fanged Frisbee taken from you on Sunday? And a second one last night?"

James and Sirius exchanged looks. "Yeah, I bought them over the summer," James lied.

"Mmhmm. And only just now using them?"

Sirius shrugged. "Why not?"

"You had nothing to do with the dung bombs in Filch's office on Sunday?"

"Professor!" James gasped, pressing a hand against his chest. "You truly believe we would do such a thing?"

"Yes," she replied flatly.

Sirius folded his arms, lifting his chin. "Is there any evidence against us, Professor?" She pressed her lips thin which told Sirius everything he needed to know. "If exploding powder _was_ stolen and used against a seventh year Gryffindor, there are loads of other people who could be guilty, not just us," he continued.

McGonagall took her glasses off, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I'm beginning to get the feeling that if trouble ever occurs you two are at the other end of it!"

Sirius cleared his throat. "Look, Professor, I'm not going to lie. Exploding powder would be pretty neat to have. However, if I ever _did_ get my hands on it why would I _ever_ waste it on a fellow Gryffindor and not a _Slytherin_?"

McGonagall just stared at him for a few seconds then slipped her glasses back on. "Very well, you may go."

James and Sirius jumped up, trying not to look too giddy. Sirius paused at the door, turning back to face McGonagall. "Oh, um, Professor? Is-is Lupin doing all right? Have you heard from him? Will he be coming back soon?"

"Back?" McGonagall asked, obviously bewildered.

"Yes, from visiting his mother."

"Oh. Yes, of course. I'm not sure... I-I have not heard from him. Have a good day."

They left, Sirius frowning. "Did she seem confused to you?" he whispered as they headed off. "About Lupin? Like she didn't even know he was gone? I just think-"

"Who _cares_?" James slid his arm through Sirius's arm, pulling him down the corridor. "We got away with it! That's the important thing. Man, that was a great excuse you gave. Perfect! Course now I wanna do something to some Slytherins. Shame we didn't keep any of the powder. We shoulda kept some back for a real special occasion. Maybe I can try to get some..."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Lupin returned on Wednesday afternoon, coming into Defense Against the Dark Arts looking incredibly pale and tired. He definitely looked like he had been the sick one, not his mother. After class they all returned to the tower, Lupin limping very faintly. Sirius frowned, watching him struggle to get through the entrance hole of the Gryffindor tower. He usually struggled but this time he seemed to have more trouble than usual. He was shaky as they went up to the boys' dorm, then disappeared behind his curtains.

When it was time for supper Sirius knocked a couple times then peeked through the curtains to see him curled up asleep. He looked rather strange like that, one of his hands twitching a little, a frown on his face; it seemed he wasn't having a very peaceful sleep. Sirius considered waking him up then changed his mind figuring disturbed sleep or not, Lupin needed to rest.

Sirius poked at his food, not very hungry. Especially since Lupin never showed up. "Let's just eat in the dorm," Sirius suggested, pushing his plate away and getting new plates, piling food on them. "Take him some food..." He tried to balance the plates in his hands, unable to. "Um, a little help maybe?"

"If you're going to do it, do it right," James said, nicking a tray, putting the plates on it. "There."

"I'll bring up some dessert," Peter said. "I think that'd be nice. Go on ahead, I'll be there in a minute."

They went through the school, trying to stay out of sight of anyone who might complain about them taking food to the dorms. When they went through the tower they hurried along, avoiding other students.

"Still don't know why we're going through all this trouble," James said as they finally made it to the stairs. "I'm sure he'll come down to supper whenever he wakes up."

Sirius rolled his eyes, stopping in front of the door. "You saw him, he looked sick."

"He said he was just tired. He must have had a really rough time with his mother being so ill..."

"Yes but he didn't look too well himself," Sirius protested, pushing open the door. The curtains around Lupin's bed were still shut.

"Is he awake yet?" James asked.

Sirius went over, opening the curtains just as Lupin was sitting up in bed, yawning and rubbing his eyes, looking strangely compelling; Sirius's belly twisted and it took him a second to speak. "We brought supper," he finally managed.

James put the tray down across Remus's lap then gave a gasp. "Whoa, is that _blood_?"

Sirius's eyes darted down seeing what was definitely a blood stain on the blanket. Lupin yanked the blanket around, hiding the stain, insisting it was just cherry soda that had spilled. Sirius's belly twisted again though this time he knew why. It _was_ blood, not cherry soda. He searched Lupin's face but he was giving a vague sort of smile as he sat up a bit more, taking one of the plates as Peter came in with a tray full of dessert which definitely brought some light into Lupin's eyes, making Sirius feeling a little angry that Peter had been the one to bring the dessert instead of him.

Pushing the annoyed feelings aside, Sirius sat down on the bed, taking another plate, trying to see the stain. _You're bleeding again_, he thought, remembering the last time Lupin had been ill he had come back with bloodstains, when he was hidden under the bed. _Is it whatever's wrong with him_? Because obviously something was. Something that caused... bleeding? If that were the case, though, why lie about the stain on the blanket? Was he embarrassed about the truth or was it something else? Sirius wasn't sure what else. In his experience, blood was usually the result of punishment.

_If he went home to see his ill mother, was he_ _punished_? That made a bit of sense. He had done something wrong, been punished, didn't want to talk about it. Sirius wouldn't want to either. However that didn't explain the _first_ blood, back in September. He had gone to the hospital wing, not home. _Unless he did go home_, Sirius wondered, trying not to be obvious about glancing towards Lupin. Lupin had abandoned the chicken and rice and was going through a piece of chocolate cake. Again, Sirius felt that flash of irritation, not sure why it made him so upset that Peter had made Lupin so happy.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Things seemed to be going so well with Lupin that when everything shattered, Sirius felt a little dazed as if he had fallen off a broom at a great height. It was a couple days after he came back-he had been a little on and off distant during those days-when Sirius realized Lupin hadn't left History yet. He asked James to wait, so they leaned up against the wall in the corridor he'd have to walk. Soon they heard a voice. Evans, that stupid redhead.

"...right back to showing off, but Hooch couldn't do anything since he wasn't near us..."

Sirius smiled, realizing she was complaining about James. James heard this too and began grinning, giving Sirius a wink. Sirius tried not to laugh. She was probably talking to Lupin, then, since he hadn't been at flying lessons.

Then suddenly Evans asked, "Are you really friends with them?"

Sirius rested his head back against the wall, waiting to hear Lupin say yes. They hadn't really talked about it but Sirius assumed they were getting close to being friends. He straightened up, frowning, as Lupin replied with, "N-not really, just play c-cards with them."

James looked at Sirius who stared right back, a bit confused. Just play cards? They were more than that, weren't they?

"I thought you were," Evans said.

Sirius's heart sank as Lupin replied with, "Hmm-mm. I th-think they just s-sometimes like a fourth p-person around."

_What_?! Sirius couldn't believe what he was hearing!

"Well, don't you like them?"

Sirius's heart now stopped, waiting for a response. It felt like an eternity of silence before Lupin began speaking.

"Er. I–I mean I'm j–just more of a… a… you know, I'm not–not good with… people. I prefer being by-by myself. I d-don't really… need… them."

James raised an eyebrow at Sirius who just stared at the far wall, unable to comprehend what he just heard. _Lupin didn't mean it_, he tried to reason. _He's just... just..._

What?

Lupin and Evans came around the corner, both of them coming to a halt seeing the two boys. Lupin jerked a little, teeth nipping at his bottom lip as what little color he had in his face drained away. James whirled around, storming off. Sirius stared at Lupin, wishing he'd say something-laugh, say he had just been joking. Lupin just looked terrified. Sirius turned, following James.

With each step he heard Lupin. _Prefer being by myself. Don't really need them_. His fingers curled into fists and when he turned another corner he punched the wall.

"Whoa," James said. "You all right?"

"No. You-you heard-"

"Yeah, I heard." James ran his fingers through his hair then reached out, gently taking Sirius's wrist. "Your knuckles are bleeding."

"I don't care," Sirius growled, flinching a little as James's finger ran across the base of his own fingers, just under the scraped knuckles. "Let's go somewhere else, they might come down this corridor."

If Lupin wanted to be alone why was he chatting away with that stupid, dumb, idiotic redhead? He claimed to prefer to be alone but obviously he didn't mind _her_ so much. That thought made him want to punch the wall again and he might have if James wasn't still holding his hand.

"Let's get you to Pomfrey."

"Merlin, they're just scratches," Sirius snapped, yanking his hand away.

"Could still get infected," James pointed out. "Come on."

Sirius miserably followed him to the hospital wing where Pomfrey rubbed some healing salve. She questioned about what happened and Sirius just said he had tripped, whacking his hand against the wall. Pomfrey sighed, accepting this though not fully believing it. When they got to the Great Hall they joined Peter though Sirius glanced around. Lupin wasn't there though Evans was, sitting with two other girls. Sirius half considered asking her where Lupin went then changed his mind. Obviously it wasn't any of his business.

_What did we do wrong_? he wondered, pushing food around his plate. He looked up at James and Peter chattering away cheerfully. _Or, what did _I_ do wrong?_ James and Peter seemed like pretty normal guys. Sirius knew he... well, wasn't. Growing up in the Black house made him a little different. He thought he did a good job acting normal, hiding the darkness that hovered just under the surface. Maybe some of it slipped through the cracks for Lupin to see.

_Or maybe he's just being a brat_. Sirius sat back, folding his arms, sighing.

At least Lupin showed up for Potions though sat away from the three of them. He ran off after, too, and sat by himself at supper. By that point Peter realized _something_ was going on so James explained in a stiff, irritated voice about how Lupin didn't want any friends.

"Oh," Peter said, looking down the table towards Lupin who had his head down, a book in one hand, barely eating.

Lupin disappeared after supper then when he returned to the dorms after curfew he didn't say a single word to anyone. He avoided the three of them the following day though Sirius watched him carefully, wishing he knew what was _wrong_. He tried talking about it with James once but James just said 'he made his bed now he can lie in it'.

"Come _on_," James whined after supper when they were slowly wandering the corridors, trying to figure out something to do. "Let's do something fun. I'm bored of brooding over Lupin."

"I'm not brooding," Sirius grumbled, kicking at the ground.

"We could go toss a ball around?" Pete suggested.

"Yeah, let's do that," James agreed.

Sirius jammed his hands in his pockets, not really wanting to but following them up to the tower to get James's Quaffle, then back out to a side corridor where James and Pete could kick the Quaffle back and forth. Sirius just leaned against the wall, watching them. James kicked the Quaffle his way and he caught it.

"Siriuuusss!" James clapped his hands. "Come _on_, get your mind off things."

Sirius dropped the Quaffle and gave it a kick. He reluctantly joined in the game, body easing up a bit, smiling soon, laughing. Soon curfew hit and they went back to the common room to play some cards, joking with one another until Lupin came into the common room. He sat down in one of the armchairs, a thick book in his lap. Sirius watched him for a few minutes then finally put his hand of cards down.

"Don't worry about it," James whispered.

"I'm gonna ask."

"He won't come over. He made his ch-Sirius..."

Sirius went over, slowly approaching Lupin whose body stiffened slightly although he didn't look up until Sirius was right in front of him. Those golden-amber eyes met Sirius's and Sirius glanced up, above Lupin's head; if there was hate or anger inside of the small boy, Sirius rather not see it. He invited Lupin to join them in cards, and of course Lupin declined. Sirius nodded and returned to his friends.

"I told you he'd say no," James whispered.

Sirius sat down, scooping his cards back up. "Doesn't hurt to ask." That was a lie. It had hurt. Well, not to ask, but to be turned down.

"I don't understand what's happened," Peter said, mirroring Sirius's current thoughts. He didn't understand either.

James took all the cards since the round was over, shuffling and re-dealing the cards. "I _told_ you," he growled, "Lupin doesn't _want_ any friends, that's what happened, says he prefers being _alone_ to hanging out with us. He's stuck up." James began shuffling more frantically. "Mental, and stuck up."

Sirius shook his head. "I don't think he's either." There had to be something else going on. He didn't think Lupin was crazy even though he knew that word was going around the school in connection with Lupin's name; he knew the Slytherins had started calling him Loopy. He also didn't think Lupin was stuck up. Sirius fanned his cards out in his hand, not really seeing them, a new idea taking root into his mind.

He thought about his mother's letters to him, threatening him for being friends with James and Peter. He thought of Lupin going home and returning bleeding... obviously punished for _something_. Were his parents hurting him for being friends-or, rather _starting_ to be friends with Sirius, James, and Peter?

Or just Sirius?

Sirius bowed his head a little, feeling absolutely miserable if he had been the reason Lupin was punished so badly he was _bleeding_, but it did make a sort of sense. Him being punished for being friends with a _Black_. Sirius sighed, setting a card down, trying not to dwell on how much he hated his family, his name, the blood inside of him that he wished he could get rid of. Tainted Noble House of Black Blood. Ugh.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

_He was wandering Grimmauld Place, darkness surrounding him. One hand reached out, fingers brushing the wall as he walked to keep himself from disappearing. He heard someone crying in the darkness. He thought it was Regulus. He called out, his voice dying as soon as his brother's name expelled from his lips. He tried to breathe, couldn't. He kept walking, faster, towards the crying. The hallway stretched long in front of him. He began running. Regulus! He wanted to call out but had nothing left inside of him to do so._

_Sirius came to a door, a huge black door. He grabbed the silver handle and pushed the door open. It wasn't Regulus curled up on the floor in his house, it was Remus Lupin. He was bleeding out. Marks all over his body. Half a dozen faceless people stood in a semi-circle behind him, holding knives. "A Black and a half-dirty-blood cannot be friends," he heard his mother say. One of the knives flashed through the air. Sirius tried screaming out-_

And jerked awake, hand covering his mouth to prevent himself from making any noise. Tears were dripping out as his body shook with the effort to remain silent. He sat upright in bed, fingers digging into his cheek as he pressed his palm tighter against his mouth. Snot drizzled down onto his knuckles and his chest hurt. Finally he took in a deep breath through his nose then pulled his hand away, slowly breathing out. He clutched his chest, bending forward, nails digging against his shirt fabric.

He heard whimpering.

He swung his legs out of bed, looking over at Lupin's bed where the whimpering was coming from, sounding rather like a hurt animal. Sirius hesitated then pulled his legs back into bed, shutting his curtains and curling up on his side.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Sirius continued trying to get Lupin to join them despite James beginning to get frustrated over this fact. On Saturday as they went to booby trap the third year boys' dorm, James immediately began grumbling about Sirius's intent on bringing Lupin into the group.

"I _don't_ get why you want him around!" James began stripping the beds so they could short sheet them, a Muggle prank Peter had described to them. "Peeeterrrrr get in here!" Peter crept in from where he was keeping an eye out. "I'm not sure if I'm doing this right."

"I _showed_ you last night," Peter said, coming over to help him.

"Have you done it before?" Sirius asked as he began going through a desk drawer, curious.

"Errr, not quite? My cousins have done it to me though."

"Whoa!" James shrieked. Sirius dropped the packet of crisps, hurrying to see what was wrong.

"Whoa," he agreed as James held up a magazine with a very breasty woman on the front.

"Whoa," Peter breathed out when James turned it around to show him.

They all crowded around it as James began flipping through, the women getting breastier and less clothed until a foldout fell out of a very naked woman writhing about on a bed. They just stared with huge eyes for several seconds until slowly James folded the page back in, closed the magazine, then pushed it under the mattress.

"I get the feeling I should wash my hands after touching that," he said, hands outstretched in a disgusted manner.

"I get the same feeling," Sirius laughed, pushing James to the door. "Go on, we'll continue."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

They got blamed for the prank after the third years came back, and some of the older students believed them even though _really_ how could anyone know they did that? They seemed to blame them since they hadn't been around all day, which was stupid since Sirius, James, and Peter spent most the day outside. Just when it seemed they would get in some serious trouble (and possible physical pain) Lupin intervened, lying, saying the four of them had been together all day doing essays. Despite the 'Loopy' thing, the third years and prefect seemed to believe him.

Lupin scarpered up the stairs, Sirius, James, and Peter following.

"Why did he save our skins?" James whispered as they went up the stairs.

"Because he isn't all that bad," Sirius replied. They banged open the dorm door to find Lupin had already disappeared behind closed curtains. They exchanged looks then Sirius went over. "Aren't you even gonna let us _thank_ you?" Silence. He turned to the others who both shrugged. "Fine then, be that way."

They left, Sirius feeling frustrated now. He just didn't understand Lupin! First he seemed too terrified to make friends, then he suddenly seemed like he was possibly okay with being friends, then 'oh no I'm a loner!', then _this_! It was hot and cold and hot and cold, and he had no idea where he stood, what Lupin was thinking.

"Least we're not in trouble," Peter muttered as they found seats in the common room, ignoring the fact a lot of people were looking their way.

James stuck his nose in the air. "I could have gotten us out of that."

Sirius grinned. "You didn't seem to be doing much of a job at that!"

"Well. If I had a little more time..."

"If you had a little more time we probably would have been in _more_ trouble," Sirius teased. James snorted, kicking at his ankles.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

That night Lupin woke up the dorm with screams. "No! No! Go away!" Lupin shrieked as Sirius dove for his bed. He yanked back the curtains which made Lupin scream again. He was partially crouched on his bed, pale, body trembling as he stared at the other first year boys at his bed. He sank back, kneeling now. "No, I-s-s-sorry, sorry, I-I'm sorry-"

"He did it again!" Spinnet said, glowering at Lupin.

Sirius turned to glare at the other boy, furious. "Shut _up_!" Of course the jerk was causing problems. Peter stood up for Lupin, then James began arguing with Spinnet leaving Sirius free to help Lupin. Or attempt to. With the way Lupin had been lately he wasn't sure if the small boy would accept any sort of... comfort. If Sirius was able to give that at all, he wasn't sure. He was able to comfort his brother but that was different. "Are you all right?"

Lupin just trembled even more, eyes wet. "No-yes-I-I'm sorry," he forced out, voice a little hoarse from the screaming. "I d-d-didn't mean to wake everyone up-"

Before Sirius could promise him it wasn't any problem Spinnet began talking again. "You should be. Psycho. Honestly, why would anyone let a lunatic like you into the school?" he demanded as he went back into his own bed.

Sirius grit his teeth, wanting to pop Spinnet in the mouth like he had Lestrange. Fury washed through his body then slowly ebbed out as he struggled to keep his Black temper under control. It didn't help that Lupin looked ready to cry.

Peter and Struthers went back to bed as well as James who glared at Lupin before going to his own bed, which sent another wave of anger through Sirius. He couldn't believe James gave Lupin that look.

Sirius decided to check on Lupin one more time. "Do you need anything?" Lupin shook his head, very obviously about to cry again. "Okay. Erm. Well. If you do…" He returned to bed, closing his curtains, very worried. Not necessarily about Lupin but about the fact _James_ had seemed irritated. That-that wasn't right. Lupin couldn't control nightmares. Sirius, of all people, knew that. All right so he had been able to control himself coming out of a nightmare but that was different.

He rolled over so he face the direction of James's bed. He'd have to have a talk with him tomorrow,

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

_Dear Reg_

_Thanks for the letter but if your having trouble sneaking letters out please dont risk it. i dont want them getting mad at you because of me. i really miss you tho and cant wait to see you again but please just be careful._

_Schools going not so great right now. it seems no matter what I do someones mad at me. just like home i guess. and its been getting harder to keep my temper under control. i know what will happen if i lose it so im trying to stay calm but sometimes im just so mad i want to lash out. i dont know im just tired of things, tired of being unable to be myself. well i guess not really myself just tired of having to keep things inside. at least at home i had you to talk to. your the only one who can understand what its like._

_i really miss you_

_stay safe_

_Sirius_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"He's _weird_!"

The two of them were walking through the school with the intention of finding something to do-someone to prank-but now James was scowling. Sirius had finally brought up the look James had given Lupin the night before, hoping to have a semi-simple conversation which was now obviously out the window.

"He's not weird," Sirius grumbled. "He's just... not used to... people. You heard him, he's never had friends before."

James pushed his hair back, rolling his eyes. "Is that why he wakes us up screaming?"

"Not you too."

"He's _weird_," he repeated. "Maybe Spinnet's right."

Sirius stopped in his tracks, narrowing his eyes. "Excuse me?"

James hesitated, slowly smiling. "Come on, Sirius. Lupin's... different."

"Different?" Sirius folded his arms. "Is that code word for something else? Something Spinnet's used?"

"Please. I don't understand why you're so obsessed with him but he's-"

"I'm not obsessed," Sirius snapped, feeling extremely uneasy now. Uncomfortable. He really didn't like that word being used for how he felt about Lupin. "All right yeah, there is something different about him but not-it's not a bad... way. He's just..." Sirius searched for the right word, to explain things. Nothing seemed right. He grew angry again, not in the same way he felt the night before. This one was more of a frustrated anger instead of fury. He _couldn't_ explain about Lupin! "Just... you know. He reminds me of my brother."

That _definitely_ wasn't right and he felt a little sick saying that. A disgusted shudder went through his body.

"Whatever. He's weird. Come on, I don't wanna argue about this. Over _Lupin_ of all things!" James laughed, patting Sirius's shoulder. "Let's go find someone to do something to."

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

That night somehow things got even worse. James, Peter, and Sirius were playing a board game while everyone else in the dorm were hanging out too. Lupin was behind his curtains but Struthers went over, asking to talk to Lupin alone. They left the room then a few minutes later returned. Sirius looked up then nearly physically reeled back at what was in Lupin's eyes when they met his. Sirius smiled but Lupin just glared in a ferocious, frightening, animalistic manner. Sirius frowned, looking away, unable to stand that look a second longer, relieved when Lupin disappeared behind his curtains as always.

Sirius stared at the board game, head spinning. He had _felt_ Lupin's rage. He slowly looked at Struthers wondering what on earth he had done to make Lupin so mad? But then why would Lupin be mad at Sirius like that? He tried to continue playing the game but felt too sick now. What had Struthers said? What happened?

The next day Lupin still seemed absolutely furious at Sirius. Any time he tried to get near him Lupin would give that animalistic glare again or else just flat out ignore him. He and the other to tries to sit with Lupin at lunch and Lupin actually got up, going to sit with Evans and her friends.

"Ooookay," James drew out, raising his eyebrows at Sirius who didn't respond.

After Defense Against the Dark Arts in the afternoon Sirius tried again. Lupin hurried off and Sirius followed, grabbing Lupin's arm to turn him around. "Hey, Lupin, we were going to play sphinxes again, wanna be our fourth?" he asked hopefully.

"No," Lupin responded in a dark tone that reminded Sirius far too much of his own family, that absolute disgust and loathing, as if he wanted Sirius to wither into nothing. "And don't touch me." Lupin wrenched his arm free then spun back around, storming off.

Sirius couldn't move. He was too shaken up by that tone, that voice. The way he pulled his arm away as if he couldn't even stand Sirius's touch. His fingers twitched and he pressed his hands against his thighs, clenching his teeth.

"What was _that_ about?" James asked, coming up behind Sirius.

"No idea," he managed to get out. Lupin didn't just not care or dislike, he hated Sirius.

Now Peter came closer. "I think he's mad at you, he was glaring at you last night."

"Brilliant observation there," Sirius said, trying not to just take his temper out on Peter.

"I w-was just observing," Peter mumbled.

Sirius knew he couldn't stand there staring like some sort of-of... "Guess he's just in a bad mood. Come on, let's go outside then."

He began walking, having to get away from this hallway, from these thoughts, from Lupin's detestation. For the first time since he met him, Sirius felt something beyond bewildering emotions for Lupin: he felt a twinge of hatred. Then it faded. He didn't hate Lupin, he just didn't... _couldn't_ understand. Why was Lupin suddenly treating Sirius like-like his family treated him?

"Struthers," Sirius said.

"What?" James asked.

"I'll meet you outside, I need to talk to Struthers." Sirius turned and ran down the hall, hoping the other two Gryffindors were just heading back to the tower. Which they were. "Struthers!" Sirius jogged up as both he and Spinnet frowned at him. Well Struthers frowned, Spinnet glared. "Can I speak to you a moment?"

"No," Spinnet said.

"Um, sure," Struthers said, edging away. "Hold on, Andy." Struthers and Sirius ducked down a side hall and Sirius pushed Struthers against the wall. Struthers yelped. "What the-!?" He fumbled for his wand, gave up, and just shoved Sirius away. "What's the idea?! Andy's right, you are a-"

"Look." Sirius grabbed him again, pushing him against the wall. "What did you say to Lupin last night?"

"_What_? Let go of me!"

Sirius blinked then released Struthers. "Right. What did you say to Lupin last night?"

"Lupin?" Struthers brushed himself off then stepped away from Sirius. "Nothing. I asked him to be friends, that's all. Why? Did he say something to make you mad at me?"

"No..." Sirius realized what he had just done, feeling a little guilty for his reaction. "But you said something to him to make him mad at me?"

Struthers rolled his eyes. "I didn't say anything, Black. I just figured since he was fighting with you guys maybe he'd want to hang out with me and Andy, but he doesn't. He... er, doesn't like Andy."

Sirius sneered. "Wow, considering the fact Spinnet calls him crazy every other day, what a shocker!"

"At least he doesn't grab people throwing them against the wall!" Struthers snapped right back. "Now leave me alone. Whatever happened, I had nothing to do with it." He adjusted his robes then stomped back to Spinnet. Sirius remained where he was, rubbing his head, realizing he was at a dead end now. He had hoped to be able to blame Struthers but he couldn't. He couldn't blame James, or Peter, or anyone else. Only himself.

_I'm a Black_, he thought as he headed out of the castle. _What else should I expect?_


	5. Chapter Five - October 1971 Part Two

_Author's Note: A HUGE thanks to YellowWomanontheBrink who gave me a really helpful insight as to why I was having problems with this, and I was able to get past them. Thank you so much! And thank you to everyone else who has been asking and wanting more of Sirius's story. I am so overwhelmed with happiness you guys are liking this so much!_

_/\/\/\/\/\_

_It's so good to learn that from right here the view goes on forever_

_And you'll never want for comfort and you'll never be alone_

_\- Never Quite Free, Mountain Goats_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Lupin brushed aside any attempt Sirius made to reach out to him. After Lupin stormed up to the dorm in the evening, James suggested Sirius stop trying.

"Face it, he's not interested in making friends."

Sirius pressed his lips thin, not wanting to hear that. Not wanting to accept that. It just made him feel more determined to befriend Lupin somehow. He seemed so lonely. He seemed so...

_Like me_, Sirius thought, not paying much attention to the game he was playing with James and Peter. He kept staring at the fire, trying to work out a way past Lupin's shell. He was into books. Sirius had read quite a bit growing up however most the books he read wasn't really suited for sharing. The books he had to read were more suited for the 'biographies of so called misunderstood heroes who were actually crazy villains' section of the library. Or books full of dark magic. Spells he knew none of the classes would be covering, except maybe how to protect against said spells in Defense. His Uncle Alphard had snuck him a few fictional books which Sirius had enjoyed, but his mother had found them a couple years ago and taken them away. But maybe he could go find some books to read to try to wriggle his way into Lupin's life?

Sirius had a nightmare that night. His mother's laughter as she wound chains around him tighter and tighter until he couldn't breathe, telling him he was a Black and would always be a Black.

Sirius jerked away, hand tight across his mouth, struggling to remain silent and still. He choked slightly then let his hand drop as he managed to take control of his breathing. He slumped down, pressing his fingertips into his forehead. Then he looked at his hands in the dark. His hands curled into fists and he twisted around, punching his pillow. He punched it a few more times then flopped down, curling into a ball as he tried to get back to sleep.

/\/\/\/\/\

"Class dismissed."

Everyone in Transfiguration gathered their things, getting to their feet to leave. Sirius saw Lupin bolt out of the room. "Lupin!" he called out but he was long gone. Sirius went over to Lupin's desk, picking up the book he had left. He tucked it under his arm then shook his head as James went towards the door. "I want to talk to Professor McGonagall," he said when James came back over.

"What for?" he asked.

"Lupin."

Sirius waited until everyone was gone except for James and Peter. He didn't care if they were there; actually it might be better. They approached the desk and McGonagall looked up, startled to see them standing there. "Yes?" she asked, quill still in her hand as she had begun grading a piece of homework already.

Sirius cleared his throat. "I wanted to talk to you about Lupin," he said boldly. McGonagall's eyebrows raised. "I'm worried about him."

"Worried? Whatever for?" she inquired.

"There seems to be something wrong with him," he said, locking his eyes on hers.

She stared back at him for a second then set the quill down. "And what makes you think there's something wrong with Mr. Lupin?"

Sirius tried to figure out the best way to explain but James spoke up first. "He just acts a bit strange, Professor." Sirius glared, elbowing James roughly in the ribs. "_Oof_!"

"We just… want to make sure he's okay," Sirius explained. "It's like… he doesn't want anyone near him, most the time."

"Sometimes he's normal, sometimes he's not," Peter said in what he intended to be a helpful manner but Sirius elbowed him too, tired of his friends referring to Lupin's 'normalcy'.

McGonagall cleared her throat. "Mr. Lupin's decisions are his," she explained in a careful tone, "and if he wishes to be alone… that's up to him."

Peter tilted his head curiously. "So he's not from Saint Mungo's?" Sirius stared angrily at Peter then stomped down on his foot. Peter jumped back. "Owww! That hurt"

"You deserved it," Sirius hissed out, furious.

McGonagall was also quite angry. "It is not polite to pry into others' histories, Mr. Pettigrew. Nor to spread unfounded gossip." She adjusted her glasses, turning her attention back to Sirius. "Now, I appreciate your concern for your classmate and for coming to me _with_ your concerns, but as I said his choices are his to make, not yours." She picked the quill up, putting it back into an ink pot, then pushed her chair back so she could stand up, also indicating the conversation was over. "Anything else?"

"No, Professor," they chorused.

"You'd best get to History."

James headed to the door with Sirius close behind him, disappointed. Perhaps he should have talked to McGonagall alone. She didn't seem concerned about Lupin—

Sirius grunted as he ran into James who had stopped in the doorway. Sirius was about to make a joke then realized James was looking at Lupin who was leaning against the wall across from the door. Sirius immediately smiled despite the scowl on the tiny boy. "Heya!" He held up Lupin's Transfiguration book. "Forget this?"

Lupin remained silent as he just held out his hand. His gold-amber eyes were very intense but there was a slight tremble in his hand. Sirius gave it back and Lupin just flounced off.

"Told you," James said. "Nutcase."

Sirius elbowed him again. "Would you stop?" he grumbled as they walked as well. "He's just... different, that's all."

"You know, Professor McGonagall never _didn't_ say he wasn't in Mungo's," Peter pointed out. "Wait. Did I say that right?"

"I know what you're meaning, and you're right," James agreed. "She didn't _deny_ it."

Sirius groaned loudly. "He's not crazy."

"You're the one who told McGonagall there's something wrong with him!" James said, rolling his eyes.

"Something _wrong_ and him being _crazy_ are two different things," Sirius snapped back.

"Why are you so worried about him?"

"I—..." Sirius trailed off, not wanting to explain how much he felt for Lupin, how much Lupin reminded him of him. "I just am. Okay?"

"Okay, okay."

/\/\/\/\/\

That night Sirius and James got into a vaguely heated argument over Lupin. Sirius had given Lupin some cake as a peace offering with Lupin ignored. Sirius expressed his frustration, James dug into Lupin, Sirius defended him. Or tried to. James's words stung Sirius, calling Lupin 'Loopy' which was what some of the Slytherins had started calling Lupin.

At one point James gave Sirius a rather desperate look. "All he does is… _hide_ and run and insist on being _alone_! Then he'll act like everything is fine! Then whammo, back off to Loonyville of La-La Land." They argued a bit more then James sighed, shaking his head. "Look if you wanna keep trying to be his friend I won't stop you but I'm telling you, s'not gonna work."

Sirius stared over at Lupin's bed. "Maybe not," he admitted, "but… I can be a right pest if I wanna be, and he can't ignore me forever."

James looked rather sad, as if Sirius were intending to jump off somewhere high, but at least he didn't argue the point any more. They just flopped down onto James's bed again, going back to the Quidditch magazine although Sirius's mind was on Lupin. Wondering why he kept everyone at a distance. If he had some friends it'd be different but Sirius knew Lupin never really hung out with anyone, except maybe Evans. _Maybe I'll talk to her tomorrow_, Sirius decided.

Except that plan fell to the wayside due to Sirius being an idiot.

In Charms class he attempted to get Lupin's attention by throwing notes at him. Lupin kept putting the notes on the edge of the desk without even opening them. Sirius frowned then used the locomotion charm to move Lupin's inkwell around on the desktop. Lupin shot him an irritated little glare which gave Sirius a little bit of a thrill though he couldn't say why. It just urged him to continue doing the little pushes until one of them pushed the inkwell clear off the desk. It hit the ground and shattered, ink flying everywhere. Lupin's glare was angrier and this time Sirius felt very guilty. He hadn't meant to, plus he assumed Lupink's inkwell was like his: unbreakable. At least Flitwick fixed the pot, and Sirius didn't bug Lupin again.

After class Sirius approached Lupin. "Hey—" he said, and Lupin's eyes flashed with golden fury. "Hey, I, uh, didn't mean to break it." Lupin continued glaring in silence. "Um, I'll buy you a new one—"

"As you _should_!" piped up another voice. Evans came storming over, hands on her hips. "That was a rotten thing to do. What did Remus do to you?"

Sirius shook his head. "Nothing, it was an accident!" He wasn't sure either of them believed him and he could tell if he tried to talk to Evans about Lupin later it wouldn't give him any results except maybe being shouted at. _Still might try_, he thought as he pulled one of his own inkpots out of his bag. It was one of his most expensive ones, with smudge-proof ink in an unbreakable pot. "Here." He tried to hand it over but Lupin looked... offended.

"I d-d-don't want it," Lupin said, keeping his hands down against his sides.

He frowned, brandishing it towards him. "Take it."

"No!"

Now Sirius was annoyed. He was trying to make up for what he did and Lupin was being a brat about it. He shoved it at Lupin. "I said take it!"

"I don't _want_ it!" Lupin shoved it back which Sirius hadn't been expecting and he dropped the inkwell which rolled along the floor, coming to a stop near Sirius's feet. He scooped it up, holding it out once more. "No!"

He felt exasperated, no idea what to do now. He had done something wrong and was trying to fix it, but wasn't being allowed to. It infuriated him. "At least let me refill yours."

Lupin whirled around, storming off without another word. Evans shot Sirius a reproachful look before hurrying after Lupin. Sirius just stood there, hand still out, head whirling with confusion and annoyance. He dropped the inkwell again when James clapped him on the back.

"That didn't go so well," laughed James as he picked the ink up, tucking it into Sirius's bag for him. "What a twat."

"Yeah, what was that about?" Peter agreed, folding his arms. "You were being nice."

"He's a jerk," James said.

Sirius huffed a little. He didn't think Lupin was a jerk but he was also annoyed to the point of not feeling up to arguing. "Let's get to Herbology," he grumbled. They caught up to Lupin and Evans but Sirius didn't bother Lupin again, except a little bit in Herbology when he began flicking bits of plant food at him, unable to resist.

/\/\/\/\/\

That evening James mentioned Lupin again. They were in a tree in one of the courtyards, mucking about. They had been seeing how far they could chuck stink pellets but they were out now so they didn't have anything else to do. James asked again why Sirius was so set on becoming Lupin's friend. He said he wasn't annoyed or anything, just curious.

"He's just so weird," James said, adjusting his position so he could lean against the trunk. "He doesn't have anything in common with us."

"He's helped us with pranks before," Sirius pointed out. "He wants to help make up a furry bat-bogey prank."

James snorted. "Not that he is now, he hates us."

"Shhh."

"Oh come off it, he hates—"

Sirius jerked forward, putting his hand against James's mouth, using his other hand to raise a finger to his own. He then pointed at Snape crossing the courtyard. James's eyes twinkled, grinning behind Sirius's hands. They immediately began going through their pockets to find anything and Sirius turned out a vial of Remini-Scents. They were supposed to be nice little bits of scent that smelled like various things. The forest, a field of flowers, etc, etc; Sirius had bought one that smelled like the ocean. Just a small tiny bit smelled nice but an entire vial was overpowering and he had wanted to use it somehow as a prank. James snorted, nodding. Sirius carefully undid the top and as quietly as he could be he slithered out onto a branch above where Snape had chosen to sit down to do some homework. How perfect was this? He tipped the vial over and several tablespoons of pale blue liquid smelling _very_ strongly of the ocean dumped on Snape.

Snape screamed, jumping up, arms flailing. James and Sirius began laughing, Sirius dropping the vial.

"You dumb Gryffindors!" Snape roared.

"Man, Snivellus, you should get a shower sometime, you really stink!" James laughed. Sirius pinched his nose and waved his hand in front of his face for effect.

"I'm telling Professor Slughorn!" Snape grabbed his bag and took off.

James and Sirius climbed out of the tree, really having to hold their noses when they reached the bottom because of the fishy smell. They ran the opposite direction that Snape had went, taking a long route back to the Gryffindor tower where they collapsed onto James's bed, giggling like mad.

/\/\/\/\/\

Over the next couple days Sirius pursued Lupin more than usual. He talked to him even though Lupin ignored him, always said hello and goodbye, and had a smile on his face whenever Lupin happened to look his way. It was getting a little weary since Lupin made no indication of giving in. Sirius had no intention of giving up though. He kept at it except when Lupin disappeared into the library; James and Sirius were both still banned from the library so he couldn't follow.

On Thursday afternoon after Lupin ducked into his sanctuary Sirius wandered off to find James, hoping they'd figure out something to do. As it turned out, James had a prank in mind. He had some frog spawn soap and thought it'd be great to put it in a girls' bathroom. After much discussion they chose the fifth floor bathroom, and sought Peter out to be a lookout which he happily agreed to. Unfortunately he turned out to be a pretty bad lookout because as soon as James and Sirius reached the sinks a Ravenclaw prefect came in. She came to a stop, staring at them. James and Sirius stared right back, the cake of frog spawn soap in Sirius's hand.

"What's this?" she demanded, face going pink. She took the soap out of his hand, inspecting it. "Frog spawn soap? Oh, you two are in trouble."

She grabbed James and hauled him out, and Sirius didn't have much choice but to follow. As soon as they were through the door they nearly ran into Peter who was running towards them to let them know some girls seemed to be heading towards the bathroom. Pete stopped, staring wide-eyed at the prefect.

"You come with me too!" she snapped, and kept walking. Peter looked at Sirius who frowned at him.

"You were supposed to watch for anyone coming!" he hissed out as they brushed past three older girls who were indeed heading for the bathroom.

"I was!" Pete whined.

Sirius gestured to the prefect. "Not well enough."

"_Sorry_!"

Professor McGonagall was teaching when they arrived so they had to wait a moment before she came out. The prefect explained quickly what happened and McGonagall glared at the three boys, expressing her profound disappointment. She gave them each one night of detention and sent them on their way. The prefect looked rather glum they hadn't gotten it worse.

"You lot stay _out_ of girls bathrooms!" she snapped before flouncing off.

James, Sirius, and Peter laughed, and James sashayed around, imitating her walk. They all laughed even harder then walked off, not phased at all by getting into trouble. Peter looked a little upset but obviously tried to pretend he wasn't.

/\/\/\/\/\

The next day, Friday, when Lupin made his usual flee into the library Sirius got an idea. A brilliant one. He took his fancy pot of ink, wrapped it up, and sent it with Peter who could go in. He hoped Lupin would accept the gift and his face fell a little when Peter returned, the inkwell still in the box.

"Maybe I'll put it in his desk," Sirius mused.

"Um." Peter fidgeted nervously, glancing at James then back to Sirius. "So, um, I found out why he's so mad at you."

Sirius's jaw dropped a little in shock. "You did?" He tilted his head. "There's an actual reason?"

"Is it cause Sirius is annoying?" James joked. Sirius rolled his eyes, elbowing James lightly.

Pete shook his head. "No. Um. It's because he found out that—that you called Struthers the 'M' word at the beginning of September."

Sirius couldn't believe it. "_What_?!"

Peter began talking but Sirius didn't hear him. Lupin had found out about that incident and—and hated him for it? For an accident? Unless... Lupin didn't know it was an accident? If he didn't know the whole story then he didn't _know_ that Sirius didn't know it was a bad term. If he explained it...

"I gotta go."

He ran past his friends, going as fast as he could down to the library. If he explained then Lupin would understand and then everything would be better. Right? It would be a good stepping stone at the very least.

Sirius came to a stop just outside the library, wondering if Lupin was even inside still; it was getting close to supper there was every chance he had already left. He ran his fingers through his hair then took a seat, waiting impatiently, wishing he could just go in himself. Stupid Farrow with his stupid ban.

After what felt like an eternity of boredom Lupin emerged from the library. Sirius jumped up, watching him struggle with an overloaded school bag. He staggered a little as he started to walk forward, then he stopped seeing Sirius getting up. Looking very annoyed, Lupin just brushed past him, nose in the air.

Sirius hurried after him. "Hey can we talk?" he asked, and Lupin ignored him. "Peter told me about what you said.

That at least got him to speak. "Are you t-trying to deny what you called him?"

"No, but—"

Lupin gave him a long look. "Then no."

Sirius took in a deep breath, trying not to let his temper get the better of him. Lupin was being snobby to the point of sounding like a member of the Black family! He wasn't going to let Sirius explain so Sirius had to make him listen. He took hold on Lupin's arm and pulled him into a passageway nearby. Lupin began protesting. Sirius felt a little bad but it just wasn't fair Lupin wasn't giving him the chance to tell his side of the story!

He pushed Lupin up against the wall, pinning him in by putting his hands on either side of him, which sent waves of strange feelings through Sirius's body. He began to grow hot, looking down at Lupin's little face staring up at him. If Lupin didn't look scared it almost would feel like...

Would feel...?

What?

_What am I thinking_? He had more important things to deal with that confusing feelings that made his chest tight. "I _said_ it," he somehow managed to say, "but I didn't _mean_ it like that. And—"

"There's only one—" Lupin began.

Sirius quickly interrupted the interruption with, "Just let me talk!" He could see terror filling Lupins face and felt super bad for scaring him like this. He hadn't meant to snap but he was feeling so infuriated with indignation that Lupin wasn't allowing him to explain, and also feeling beyond confused.

"Okay," Sirius continued, focusing on the matter at hand, "so the thing is, my... my family... my family... always... used that term." Now that he was saying it, it sounded so pathetic. A weak excuse. "I—I... always thought it was just another word for Muggleborn, okay? I didn't know that it was—that it meant something worse, so I said it, and everyone went crazy, and I didn't know why, and then James explained to me and—"

He couldn't stand being like this another second so he pulled away, raking his fingers though his hair, trying to keep himself calm.

"I felt so bad. I did. I swear I had no idea what it actually meant and I went right back in and _apologized_ to Struthers!" He glanced at Lupin who looked rather impassive about this. "And he accepted my apology even if Spinnet didn't. Spinnet kept insisting I purposely used it when—I didn't. I just meant... Muggleborn. I didn't know."

Lupin just stared blankly at him, breathing a little heavily.

"I know it's stupid of me to not know but... that's what happened." He waited, but Lupin _still_ remained silent. Did he not pay any attention to what Sirius even said? Or did he not care? Did he think Sirius was just making up excuses? "Could you say something now?" Sirius asked, trying not to sound too pleading. He didn't want Lupin to hate him! It would be like James hating him, even though he had a close friendship with James and barely knew Lupin. Yet, he knew in his heart if Lupin went on hating him it would be awful. Unbearable.

Lupin _still_ said nothing thought, and Sirius was on the verge of either just snapping at him or storming away when finally he spoke. "I—I'm sorry." Sirius froze up, trying not to get his hopes up in case he misheard. "I... should... have f-found out more before..."

He _was_ apologizing! Sirius tried not to smile, though Lupin was looking quite distressed still, having a hard time getting his words out.

"Nah, it's understandable why you thought that way," Sirius quickly said, trying to save Lupin from having to force himself to say anything else. They could move on. "Now that we got _that_ sorted out, let's go to supper!" He started walking then stopped once he noticed Lupin hadn't moved. He turned around in surprise. "C'mon!"

Lupin lifted his chin, gold-amber eyes blazing a little. "J–just because you're n–not the jerk I th–thought you were, doesn't mean I suddenly want to be friends."

Sirius couldn't believe it. "Why not?" Had he done something else to offend Lupin? Was it his mere existence that annoyed his tiny classmate?!

_"_I don't want friends!" he cried out.

Sirius scowled at that. "Why do you hate me?" he asked, knowing perfectly well it was _him,_ it had to be him. If Lupin was so determined to hate him he should at least have the guts to admit it.

But to Sirius's shock Lupin said, "I d-don't _hate_ you!" He looked at Lupin in surprise. "I mean, I d–did when I thought you… But it's nothing to do with whether I _hate_ you or–or not. I don't need friends." His voice sounded very thing and feeble as he said that last part, and he was struggling hard with his overstuffed book satchel. He didn't sound in any way convincing. Actually, he kinda sounded like he was repeating a school rule or something.

_What is going on_? Sirius wanted to press him about this, about how he seemed to want friends before. He didn't think Lupin would be too receptive of an argument though. He was visibly frustrated, nearly dropping the bag. Sirius simply said, "Okay, let's go to supper." And he took Lupin's bag from him just as it was about to fall out of his hands, and probably dump stuff everywhere.

"Give that back!" Lupin snapped, white face going pink.

Sirius pulled it onto his shoulder, wincing a little from the weight. "It's too heavy for you," he said, amazed Lupin had even been able to carry it out of the library! "How many books do you _have_ in here?" It felt like Lupin had just dumped a load of heavy rocks into the bag to be honest.

Those eyes blazed even more. "Give it back."

"Let me carry it for you."

"What is your problem?!"

Sirius tilted his head. "Huh?" He was trying to be nice and Lupin was acting like Sirius had been doing something wrong. "I don't have one."

Lupin grabbed for the bag, trying to yank it off of Sirius who grabbed the strap. The satchel swung, nearly thwacking into Lupin. "Obviously you do, you can't understand a simple phrase." He gave the bag another tug. "Leave. Me. Alone!"

Now it was the principle of the thing. Sirius pulled the bag back. "I'm just trying to be nice–"

Lupin pulled. "You're being annoying!"

Sirius pulled. "Well, you're being stupid!" he finally snapped. Maybe he had overstepped things but he was just _trying_ to be friendly, trying to be nice, and Lupin was being a brat!

"I take it back!" Lupin gave a mighty tug with a strength Sirius did not expect. "You _are_ a jerk!"

The bag ripped and everything spilled out. _Everything_. Ink splattered everywhere, all over the books—including the giant library books—and all over some of the sweets though most of those rolled away.

"LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!" Lupin exploded and Sirius cringed back a little bit, guilt sweeping through him, erasing everything else. "YOU COULDN'T JUST LEAVE IT ALONE! YOU'RE NOT NICE AT ALL! YOU'RE AN ABSOLUTE OGRE!"

Sirius rarely ever said the word, but it came out before he could stop it. "I'm sorry." It was difficult to say. Whenever he said the 's' word he just got flashbacks to his mother punishing him because _Blacks don't apologize for anything_! "Merlin, I didn't mean—"

But Lupin wasn't having any of it, not that Sirius blamed him. "NO YOU NEVER 'MEAN', DO YOU?!"

Sirius felt even worse as Lupin started trying to gather his things, tears in his eyes. Sirius had caused him to cry. He felt like shit.

"I'm sorry." He said it again, body tightening a little as he could practically feel his mother's wand lashing out towards him. He remembered the last time he said that word around anyone in his family. He had been seven? Or eight? He and Regulus had been playing and Sirius had stepped on his head by accident. He had apologized, and gotten hit with several stinging spells as his mother screamed at him.

Sirius knelt down, trying to help him pick the stuff up but Lupin just seized the book Sirius was reaching for. "Just go away! Leave me alone!"

"I was just trying to help!" Sirius said, head pulsing. He felt like he needed to run and hide somewhere, felt like his mother was going to show up any second to berate him for apologizing. He hadn't felt this way after Struthers because he knew it was the right thing to do, and James had been by his side. Apologizing to Lupin was also probably the right thing to do, but he felt completely alone now, with no one there except a very furious boy who looked as ready to murder him as Walburga did. Sirius felt sick at the hatred in Lupin's face.

"You can help by STAYING AWAY FROM ME!" Lupin roared, and Sirius subconsciously prepared himself for the pain to be sent his way even though Lupin and his mother were in no way alike; just the overwhelming emotions, and the guilt, and then Lupin screaming at him made his body ready for punishment. He could hardly even breathe.

Then when an adult spoke Sirius felt like he might vomit. It was the librarian, demanding to know what was going on, snarling about how he had banned Black from the library.

So Sirius did what he always did. Talked back. "You did. I'm not in the library unless you've extended the boundaries for some reason."

The librarian muttered at him then turned his anger on Lupin. Sirius tried explaining that it was his fault—not wanting Lupin to get into trouble!—but the librarian didn't care. He took the library books, telling Lupin he wasn't allowed to come back in that night.

Lupin stood still for a second, body beginning to tremble. There was a strange, distant sort of look in his face as he pulled all his stuff into his arms, then gave a very fierce glare at Sirius which scared him. He took a few steps back, shocked at how animalistic that glare was.

"STAY—THE—HELL—AWAY—FROM—ME!" He flicked his wand towards Sirius, giving him the discipline Sirius knew would come. "Rosodorus!"

It wasn't anything painful, like Sirius figured; he had expected searing pain, agonizing burning, lashes, bruises, broken bones... but instead he began sneezing, red petals blowing out of his nose. Lupin stormed off, leaving Sirius to sneeze uncontrollably. All he could smell was the heavy scent of roses. He staggered a bit and headed through the corridors towards where James had been last, leaving a trail of flowers behind him. The sneezing wasn't bothering him as much as Lupin's enraged face seared into his brain was. Actually physical pain would have been a lot better.

James was still in the same corridor they had been hanging out in earlier, thank Merlin, and he jumped in surprise at the sight of Sirius hexed. Sirius tried to tell him what happened but every time he opened his mouth all that he managed was a mighty 'aCHOO!' and a new flurry of petals. James took his arm and helped him straight to Pomfrey.

It took several minutes for Pomfrey to get fix Sirius. "I've never seen this spell before," she said once she managed to get the flowers to stop although he was still sneezing. "Who did this?"

Sirius opened his mouth to say Lupin then closed his mouth. He didn't want Lupin to get in trouble. It was his own fault for pushing Lupin anyway. "Slytherins," he croaked out then sneezed again. "Ambush."

Pomfrey narrowed her eyes and looked at James. "Which Slytherins?" she asked, assuming they had been together.

James glanced briefly at Sirius then gave Pomfrey a bright smile. "No idea, they were older than us. Two of them."

"I see." She finished removing the sneezing part from Sirius just as the doors opened and Professor McGonagall came in.

Their Head wanted to know what happened, as Pomfrey had sent a quick note her way to inform her one of her students had been put under a 'unknown hex'. Sirius and James tried their best to sound honest as they told her two older Slytherin boys had ambushed them. They had tried to get both boys but only managed to get Sirius as the Gryffindors escaped. No, they had no idea what spell was used. Professor McGonagall listened to all of this, thanked them, and said she'd speak to Slughorn.

Once the two boys were on their way out, James immediately turned to Sirius. "What really happened?" he demanded quietly as soon as they were a good ways from the wing.

Sirius rubbed his nose. "Lupin."

"_Lupin_? Hexed you?!" James looked livid.

Sirius grabbed his arm. "It was my fault, okay? I made him angry."

"And he hexed you?" James asked, to which Sirius nodded. "Merlin! I didn't know he had it in him."

Sirius just shrugged. "He's gotten Spinnet with the leg-locker curse, and protected Peter by getting the Slytherins with the nose hair thing."

"True. I dunno, he just seems so... timid. It's hard imagining him doing that. I mean, I _saw_ him do that to Spinnet with my own eyes but—well, what he did to Spinnet and the Slytherins was to protect someone else. One of us. Hitting you is just... out there."

"He was protecting himself," Sirius blurted out without thinking.

James cocked his head. "Why are _you_ protecting him?'

"I'm not gonna snitch on him to McGonagall!" Sirius snapped.

"No! Not like that. I mean, to me. He hexed you good and you're saying you deserved it."

Sirius sighed, pushing his hair back, smoothing it down. The scent of roses was still very strong. "I really upset him. I made him angry." But even as he spoke he wasn't entirely sure James would believe him. "It's my fault," he said again, not understanding the confusion in James's eyes.

"I dunno," James finally said, messing up his own hair. "I'm just glad you're okay."

Sirius kept an eye out for Lupin but didn't see him again until later that night. He was waiting and as soon as Lupin walked in Sirius got up and pushed a couple inkwells into his hands, threatening to hex him back if he didn't take them. Lupin didn't look anything like the angry kid he had seen earlier. He was back to being his small, quiet self, and he actually did accept the ink without protest.

Sirius spent the rest of the evening playing games with James and Peter until everyone else went to bed. Then he and James, both in their pajamas, sat up in James's bed to talk. First it was just jokes, comments about stuff that happened, then it went back to Lupin and why Sirius felt the need to defend him. Sirius just rubbed his forehead, unable to explain. How could he tell James there was _just something_? That he _knew_ they were supposed to be friends, just like he _knew_ he was supposed to be friends with James?

He looked over at Lupin's closed curtains, then back at James's open, honest face. He felt a surge of emotion that overwhelmed him, looking into those hazel eyes—so different from Lupin's golden-amber ones. Looking into Lupin's eyes made Sirius feel strange and dizzy, like something tugging at his entire soul, and sometimes it made his heart ache. It made him feel nostalgic for something that hadn't happened yet. Looking into James's eyes felt like looking into _home_, a word he had never really felt had any good connotations before, but with James it did. It was a little like looking into Regulus's eyes, when they weren't fighting. Looking into the eyes of someone who _knew_ you even though they had only been friends for a few weeks.

James watched Sirius just sit in silence for far too long then just moved closer, shoving his shoulder right up against Sirius's. Sirius was taken back to the night they shared a bed, to the nights he shared a bed with Regulus, and all he wanted to do was grab hold of James's hand and make him promise they'd never be apart.

"It's okay," James said, breaking the silence. "I guess some things we can't explain."

_Too true_, Sirius thought, struggling to get a handle on whatever was going on in his head, fighting viciously with the centuries of traditional Black behavior. _Too true_.

/\/\/\/\/\

For the second time since school started, Sirius woke up next to James. He flinched a little then slowly relaxed. James's glasses were on the bed between them, and James's mouth was hanging open a little. They had fallen asleep talking the previous night. Sirius carefully took James's glasses, setting them aside, then he lay back down, closing his eyes until James woke up. Immediately he was a tornado, giddy and excited, shaking at Sirius and bouncing on the bed. It was Saturday, and they had a whole day ahead for pranks.

And, apparently, for rescuing. They had been walking around with a bunch of dungbombs trying to figure out what the best route was for, er, getting rid of them would be when they heard voices that didn't sound happy.

"You can't use magic in the cor—"

"Locomotor mortis!"

"Lily!"

Sirius jerked at the 'Lily'. That was Lupin's voice. He grabbed James and yanked him around the corner, skidding to a halt when he saw Mulciber, Avery, Bulstrode, and _two_ older boys attacking Lupin and Evans. Evans was on the floor, clutching at her ankle, tears in her eyes; Lupin was crouched next to her. Mulciber and Avery were laughing. "You—_jerks_!" Lupin snapped.

Without a word James held the bag of dungbombs to Peter then yanked the gloves out of his pocket. He gave one to Peter and slid the other on his hand. Avery had his wand pointed at Lupin and Sirius yanked his own wand out but James shook his head, taking one of the dungbombs, grinning. Sirius smiled.

"Let's see if I can get it right _this_ time," Avery said but before he could do anything James had lobbed the dungbomb at him with perfect accuracy.

"Five on two isn't fair," James said as he began tossing a second dungbomb, a smirk on his face. Lupin and Evans stared at them while Mulciber and Avery sneered. "How about five on five?" He chucked the second bomb and it hit one of the older boys right between the eyes. Peter pulled another dungbomb out, handing it to James as Mulciber dove for them. This time the bomb hit him in the _mouth_.

"Ooooh!" Sirius laughed.

"Whatever, it's not worth it," Avery coughed out as James held a fourth dungbomb. The Slytherins ran away and James put the dungbomb away, a victorious grin on his face.

Lupin helped Evans up, asking if she was okay, and she cried out in pain as soon as she put weight on her foot. "Owwww! No. God, I think I'm going to throw up it _stinks_."

"Yeah, you're welcome and all," James huffed.

"You okay, Lupin?" Sirius asked, glancing him over and not seeing anything noticeable the Slytherins might have done.

"I'm not the one limping, genius," Lupin replied rather haughtily.

Since Evans couldn't walk, James helped Lupin carry her to the hospital wing with Sirius and Peter following. Sirius was kinda surprised at how easy Lupin seemed to be able to hold Evans up. She was thin, but she was quite tall and certainly a lot heavier than Lupin. Even with James on the other side Sirius expected Lupin to be lagging a bit but he appeared to have no problem. He was stronger than he looked!

/\/\/\/\/\

_Please report to the trophy room at 6pm exactly this Sunday evening (17th) for your detention._

Sirius rolled his eyes and jammed the slip of paper in his pocket. "When do you have detention?" he asked James since his friend had gotten a message too.

"Next week," James replied. "Wednesday. You?"

"Sunday night," Sirius grumbled. "Drat. Was hoping it'd be with you. Looks like I'll be polishing trophies. It's gonna be so boring by myself."

James snickered. "Have fun with that." Sirius just flicked some broccoli at it him as he laughed.

/\/\/\/\/\

Sirius was a bit late for his detention since he and James had been in a very intense round of exploding snaps. He lost, gave James the candy he had bet, then took off running. He darted down side corridors and came to a stop outside the trophy room, taking in a few deep breaths to calm down, so it didn't look like he had been running. He stuck his hands in his pockets and strolled in.

"You're late," Filch growled.

Sirius arched his eyebrows. "Am I? I must invest in a watch!"

Filch shoved a bucket at him then a bucket at someone else who Sirius hadn't seen until just then. His heart skipped a beat as he realized it was Lupin. They were going to have detention together. Lupin was forced to spend time with Sirius. Filch was talking about what they were supposed to be doing but Sirius was too pleased at seeing Lupin to really pay attention.

As soon as Filch left with a cackle Sirius made a rude gesture at his back, then turned to Lupin who was looking at him with a frown and furrowed brow. He looked so grumpy and for some reason that was kinda cute, like a grumpy little puppy dog. "I suppose we better start, eh? Should have smuggled a radio in. So, what are _you_ in for?" He figured cheerfulness would be how to approach this.

"Hexing you," Lupin replied in a clipped tone.

Sirius jerked at those words. What? "But I told Pomfrey and McGonagall both that Slytherins did it…" Oh great, Lupin probably figured Sirius had told on him! "I swear I did," he continued, hoping it wasn't hopeless to try and convince Lupin. "Someone else must have seen it happen, then. Maybe Farrow was peeking out of the library?"

Lupin gave him a strange look. "No, I-I went to McGonagall and t-told her," he said then began looking around the room while Sirius just stood there, bewildered. _What_? Lupin headed towards some trophies and Sirius followed him, trying to figure out what Lupin meant by _he_ told McGonagall. It made no sense. As they began cleaning trophies it was on the tip of Sirius's tongue to ask him when Lupin spoke up first. "What d-did you do?"

So Sirius told him, laughing at Lupin's shocked face. They then talked a bit about the stuff they were cleaning which prompted Sirius to say, "_I_ intend to be known for more than just whatever this lot did. I'm going to be famous one day."

Lupin rolled his eyes, "For what? Being annoying?"

Sirius felt it was a major win for him that Lupin hadn't stuttered. "Not for being Head Boy, that's for sure."

"You have to c-clean the entire thing, not just the name."

Sirius stuck his tongue out but picked the shield back up, cleaning it a bit better. Lupin was doing a very careful job, making sure he cleaned off every inch of the award. He then found out Lupin wasn't very interested in Quidditch, which seemed kinda weird to Sirius.

"How can you not like Quidditch? It's brilliant. James is definitely going to be on the team. He's _definitely_ going to be on some of these awards for Incredibly Talented Quidditch Players. I bet you'll be on here too somewhere. Award for Geniusness or something." He glanced out the side of his eye noticing the corners of Lupin's mouth twitching as he tried to suppress a smile. Sirius was getting to him. "I wonder if there's an award for being Astonishingly Good-Looking, I'd get that one." He was hoping to make Lupin laugh but the tiny boy just continued working on cleaning a plaque in silence. Sirius decided to push a little more. "You know, you _need_ to be our friend. It just makes sense, doesn't it? James will be the Quidditch player, I'll be the Heart Breaker… we _need_ a Nerd on the team."

Lupin tilted his head, tawny hair brushing against his cheek. "And Pettigrew?"

Sirius had forgotten about Peter momentarily. "He's the nice one," he finally said. He felt a little bad he didn't have anything more to say about him but he didn't know much about Peter yet. James got along with Peter quite well but Sirius and Peter had been hovering on opposite sides of James so far. Sirius could sorta see things as a diamond shape. He and Peter were cornered to James so Sirius was opposite Peter, and Lupin was probably between Sirius and Peter, so opposite James. James had very little interest in Lupin, and Sirius had very little interest in Peter.

"And what team is this, exactly?" Lupin asked.

Sirius's heart swooped around. No stuttering, and he was purposely talking to Sirius, he was continuing the conversation! "The Quartet of..." He had been trying to name their group for a while. At first it had been the Dashing Duo, when it was just him and James. But since Peter joined he had attempted to title their group the Trio of Trickery. James had just laughed his ass off at each attempt "Ummm... Cool... ness."

Now Lupin laughed. A genuine, full laugh that filled the room. "That is a dumb name," he managed to say.

He looked so different when he smiled, when he laughed. Sirius wished he could make Lupin laugh all the time.

"You come up with a better one, then," Sirius said, heart in his throat as he said this because it was an implication of Lupin joining them. To his dismay, Lupin shook his head. He tried to hide his disappointment. "Anyway, you promised to help us out with the bat-bogey hex, didn't you?" he reminded Lupin who was focused on cleaning once more. "Plus that sneezing one you put on me was jolly good. You have to teach us."

That provoked a response. "How c-come you lied about it?" He looked at Sirius with such... well, serious eyes. He wasn't being accusatory, only curious. But he wanted an answer.

"Huh? Oh, that, well..." Sirius ran through dozens of jokey responses then settled on the truth. "I wasn't gonna turn you in, and figured maybe I could get some Slytherins into trouble." He flashed a grin at Lupin who just continued to look serious.

"But _why_ didn't you turn me in?" he demanded, cheeks going faintly pink.

Sirius stared at him. "Friends don't do that," he said, just saying it partially without thinking.

Lupin slammed the trophy down. "We're not _friends_!" he snapped, the pink darkening, his eyes flashing.

Sirius considered telling him to just stop being so rude, or stubborn, or just saying 'fine' and ending it right there and then. Why was he fighting this so bad? If Lupin didn't want friends then Sirius needed to just stop, but he didn't want to stop. He wanted Lupin. He wanted to be friends.

"We could be," he said.

Lupin physically pulled back as if Sirius had hurt him. The two of them stared at each other, Lupin's brow wrinkling, his lips tugging down, one hand fluttering to his chest, plucking at the raggedy sweatshirt he wore. It looked ancient, like something his grandpa probably wore. Sirius's words had very obviously affected him.

"Why?" Lupin finally whispered, face flooding with color. He looked so distraught. "Why do you want to be friends with me so bad?" He grabbed for another trophy, ducking his head so his hair covered his eyes as he began rubbing furiously at the brass cup.

There it was, the question James had been asking. Hell, the question Sirius had been asking. The one he tried to answer and he knew he wouldn't be able to give Lupin a sufficient answer, and that would be that.

"I don't know," he admitted. Lupin frowned more. "I just do. I think you're..." What could he say? "Neat," he decided on. "Look, as soon as I met James... it was like... urf... like um... like um, like we were meant to be together." He knew he sounded totally dumb now. "Like, uhh, instant connection! And I felt the same about you, too." He hoped that would work, comparing it to James. Maybe make it less weird for Lupin.

Lupin narrowed his eyes, studying Sirius. "So what, I'm your... destiny?"

Those words tore Sirius apart from the inside out. Because that word fit so well. But he couldn't say that! So he just began laughing. "Merlin you make it sound so weird and dramatic!" If he told Lupin yes, that is how he felt, Lupin would probably hit him over the head with the giant cup in his hands. "I'm just meaning that I felt this sort of connection with you, same as I did James. I knew I wanted him to be my friend and I know I want you to be my friend." He ran his fingers restlessly through his hair, hoping he was saying the right words and didn't sound creepy. "And if there is one thing I've learned is that even though I usually _don't_ listen to my gut instincts, I should. And this time I am. Or trying to." He looked at Lupin, smiling. "Does… that make sense?"

Lupin ducked his head again, covering his eyes. He began tugging at the hem of his sweatshirt now, fingers twitching as he tugged. He breathed slowly, mulling over the confession. The partial confession.

"You know, if you hang out with us and stuff, you don't have to talk," Sirius went on, desperate to throw another possibility in for him to latch onto. To pull him in. "If you don't want to."

Lupin began wiping the cup, the same cup he had been cleaning for a while. He was was silent, not even looking at Sirius anymore. Sirius just watched him, hardly able to breathe, feeling on edge. He knew if he said anything it would break the moment, break Lupin and he'd retreat back into himself and never come out. Being patient was not one of Sirius's virtues but he forced himself to sit there in silence, quietly polishing a plaque, waiting. It took a _lot_ of effort to push his words back down, to let Lupin come forward first.

"I-I suppose I—c-could..." Lupin started and Sirius held his breath, head pulsing with hope. "...give it... a proper try..."

Sirius faced him, grinning broadly, unable to believe it. Lupin agreed to be friends, or at least give it a try. Lupin actually said yes, agreed, wanted to try. "Brilliant!" he said then realized he probably sounded way too enthusiastic. "On one condition," he added.

"Wait, _you're_ the one making the conditions?!" Lupin demanded, eyes going big.

Sirius winked at him. 'You _have_ to think up a better name than Quarter of Coolness. Please?" He fluttered his eyelashes, hoping to get Lupin to laugh again.

Unfortunately he did not. "Oh—fine," he agreed then looked up into Sirius's face with an expression Sirius couldn't read. "But I have a condition too," he said.

"Name it," Sirius said, willing to give anything to him that he wanted.

Lupin gestured towards Sirius's hands. "You actually polish those trophies instead of swiping the rag and declaring it done."

He was barely stuttering, and had a slight smirk on his face.

Sirius wasn't sure if he could breathe.

"Deal," he said, offering his hand.

Lupin's slender hand slid into Sirius's, fingers curling around. It felt so good.

"Deal."


	6. Chapter Six - October 1971 Part Three

_Things are going great, and they're only getting better_

_I'm doing all right, getting good grades_

_The future's so bright, I gotta wear shades_

_\- The Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades, Timbuk 3_

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Detention with Remus Lupin was one of the best things ever, Sirius decided. Or maybe it was the fact he had actually agreed to be friends and was actually _talking_ and occasionally smiling and not getting angry. They were actually _conversing_. It was brilliant.

"You really don't like Quidditch?" Sirius asked as they worked on some large trophies together.

Remus—and how great was it that he could properly think of him like that instead of Lupin?—shrugged. "I d-don't know m-much about it," he mumbled, carefully wiping off the names on the plaque section while Sirius worked on the giant cup.

"You ever been to a game?" he asked, and Remus shook his head. "Wait till the season starts soon, though I really haven't heard a whole lot about the Gryffindor team yet. James will know more." He thought of Remus in flying lessons, of how much trouble he had. "Is this the first time you've ever flown? Coming here?"

Remus looked up at him with wide eyes. "Y... yes," he whispered. "I d-d-don't like it."

"How come?"

Another shrug. "I d—don't like heights."

Sirius was about to make a sarcastic comment about a Gryffindor being afraid of heights but then changed his mind since he had his own fears. Everyone did. "At least you're trying." Remus seemed startled, as if he hadn't expected that response. He hummed, then moved to another trophy. "Tell you what, as soon as James gets on the team there won't be anymore of _these_." He brandished a trophy awarded to Slytherin for winning one year. "Think ol' Filchy be mad if I give it a spit shine?" He spat on the _Slytherin_ and gave it a vague sort of wipe.

Remus didn't say anything, didn't look up, though his nose crinkled slightly. Which made him look cute, Sirius had to admit, and that sent an anxious chill down his spine as the word realized itself in his head.

He remembered the first person he had ever thought was cute: a Muggle girl in his neighborhood. He had been very young and gave her some flowers. When his parents found out, they had punished him _severely_. Screaming, threatening, hurting, then finally locking him away for what felt like ages. The next person he remembered thinking was cute happened a couple years after that, the son of a family friend during a fancy dinner party. Sirius had told him he was cute and asked him to dance and the next thing he knew his parents were screaming at him, threatening him, hurting him, and locking him away for what felt like ages.

He tried his best not to think of other kids like that again. He knew now the actual reason wasn't what he had assumed for ages. He understood now thinking a boy was cute was wrong, and that thinking a _Muggle_ girl was cute was wrong. If it had been a pureblooded girl he figured his parents would have been fine with it. Actually, they probably would have set up a betrothal.

But surely just thinking someone was cute didn't _mean_ anything, did it? Because nobody could deny how cute Remus was. Sirius bet if he asked anyone at school—girls or boys—they'd say the same. Of course, he wasn't going to ask anyone. It was just _if_ he did, they'd agree. So it didn't mean what his parents were worried about.

"James is gonna be happy you're our friend now," Sirius kept talking as he worked, setting the trophy aside without cleaning off the spit. He saw out of the corner of his eye Remus taking it and diligently cleaned the _Slytherin_ word off. Cleaned off the spit.

They talked for the rest of detention—or rather, Sirius talked a lot while Remus listened and occasionally talked as well though it was mostly Sirius filling the silence. He grew a little fearful that Remus hadn't really meant the friend thing. Maybe Remus had just agreed to the friend thing to get Sirius off his back?

Eventually McGonagall showed up to let them free after _hours_ and _hours_ and _hours_. The two boys headed back to the Gryffindor tower, Sirius talking, Remus quiet. They climbed through the portrait hole and as soon as it shut behind them Sirius turned to Remus, unable to resist any longer.

"Was all that the truth or was it just for the detention?" he asked, staring at Remus. If Remus said it had been a lie, he'd accept it. He'd be upset and frustrated, but he wouldn't harass the small boy.

"T… truth," Remus mumbled, sending a wave of relief through Sirius's body.

"Good," he said, grinning. "Come on then, I think James and Peter are in the dorm."

They were, arguing over Drooble's Best Blowing Gum. James was trying to pop it while Peter kept telling him it was impossible. As soon as they came through the door Peter happily welcomed Sirius back.

"Thanks!" Sirius had intended to act all cool and blase about it but instead blurted out, "Guess what? He's our friend now."

James was very surprised, shooting glances at Remus who was ducking his head. "Wait, what?"

Sirius winked at James. "We had detention together and my irresistible charm won him over." He ran his fingers through his hair and then flipped his hair back.

James snorted. "Are you just being illusional again?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. He had expected this to be James's reaction but of course couldn't admit it. "No! Tell'em, Remus!"

He waited for Remus to say yes, he was their friend now. Instead Remus gave James a strange look and asked, "D—do you mean delusional?"

James coughed, turning his face away from Remus a bit. "Erm, possibly. So, is it true?"

Sirius waited impatiently, standing on the balls of his feet, feeling irritated as Remus just casually went over to his bed, sitting down to kick his shoes off. He was doing this on purpose, Sirius just knew it. But _finally_, FINALLY he confessed the truth. "So it would s—seem." Remus's eyes widened very slightly at James. "If… you're okay with a nutcase hanging around."

Sirius turned away, trying not to laugh while James looked beyond embarrassed. He could NOT believe Remus just put James in his place like that! Then he realized this meant Remus had known what James had said about him. Ouch.

"Heh, right, well—uh, sorry about that," James said, so easily throwing out that word. "I don't really think you are, you know." Huh, that was the first Sirius had heard about that. James darted over to his desk and got out a chocolate frog, tossing it over to Remus. "Here! Peace offering. Besides, you know, Sirius's a bit mental and I don't mind him."

A stab of nausea went through Sirius for a split second then dissipated. He knew James was only teasing him, except it did hurt a little bit because of the connection of Blacks and Craziness. He laughed, kicking at James's feet as his friend danced away, laughing as well. "You're the mental one."

James decided to start a pillow fight with him and they began pummeling one another, feathers flying, both of them shrieking happily until finally Sirius got the upper hand and sent James flying. He tackled James, sitting on him while pumping his fists in the air in victory. He rolled off James as they began arguing about what to call their group. Really, Quartet of Coolness was perfectly fine! So was Gryffin-dudes. James was just being a butt, and kept complaining until Sirius said, "I've tasked Remus with finding us a decent title."

They both looked at Remus at that; their newest addition was sitting on his bed with Peter, nibbling at the chocolate frog. He didn't say anything.

Shrugging, Sirius went over to his bed, getting a broom catalogue out to browse through while James and Peter returned to blowing bubbles and trying to pop them. Remus was _very_ quiet, not adding anything to the conversation however he also didn't disappear behind his curtains. He watched the others as they began talking about brooms, laughing a little (kinda awkwardly) at some of the jokes; he was being left out already. Sirius showed Remus the catalogue and the smaller boy nodded in a vague sort of way which made Sirius realize... Remus didn't know anything about brooms or flying, so he changed the conversation. He wasn't sure what Remus liked to do besides read.

"I can't wait till the next issue of _21st Century Witch_," Sirius said, referring to a popular futuristic comic book series. There, Remus could certainly join this conversation!

"Me either!" James moaned out. "I can't believe she got captured by those minotaurs!"

"And they broke her wand," said Peter, eyes going huge. "How's she going to get out?"

"They didn't break her wand," James said.

"Uh-huh, they did!"

"Nah, it was a fake wand!" James argued. "Remember the issue before last? When she was in the woods? And she turned the oak tree into a bed? Her wand's made out of oak, I bet you anything she made a fake wand."

"You're right," Sirius agreed, snapping his fingers. "The last panel before she fell asleep showed her picking up some of the branches and looking at them."

Peter covered his mouth. "That is gonna be so neat! You're totally right! I bet that's how she gets away!"

Sirius realized that Remus _still_ wasn't joining the conversation. "What's your favorite issue of _21st Century Witch_?" Sirius asked.

Remus looked down, the last bit of chocolate frog melting between his fingertips. "I've n-n-never r-r-read it," he admitted.

"How could you not read it?" James asked, shocked. "It's one of the best comic series out there!"

Remus's cheeks turned faintly pink and he mumbled something incoherently. Peter ran over to his trunk and began going through them until he found his well-worn copy of Issue #1. "Here!" He offered it to Remus who stared at it in confusion. "You can borrow it."

"Erm, th—thanks." Remus took it, looking as though he had never even held a comic before.

_Maybe he hadn't_, Sirius thought, watching him. He was so intelligent, maybe he just read grownup books and dictionaries. Maybe instead of _Delly The Dragon_ as a toddler his parents had read him _Advanced Theories of Nerdy Complicated Astronomical Equations_ or whatever. Soooo that meant chatting about comic books wasn't going to help. "What sort of things do you like to read?" Sirius asked.

Remus frowned, fingers curling around the edges of the comic. "Um. I—I g-guess lots of... d-different things..." All three of them just looked at him and he ducked his head, his hair falling across his eyes. He did that a lot, Sirius noticed. "I... I'm currently r-reading _Jane Eyre_."

"What's that?" James asked.

"Er, a, um, it's about a—a girl who... she's had a... a rough childhood and, um, sh—she becomes a governess and—f-falls in love with her, um, em—employer."

"Ewww, romance?" Peter asked, wrinkling his nose.

"It's... it is, but—but also... it's... it's not j-just... it's also g-g-got a lot of other elements to it," Remus muttered. He began plucking at his sleeve, visibly distressed.

"Sounds neat," Sirius said, ignoring the raised eyebrow look James gave him. "Does any of it take place at Hogwarts?"

An amused expression flitted across Remus's face for the briefest of seconds. "N-no. It's Muggle."

"You read Muggle stuff?" Sirius asked, taken aback. Remus nodded. "Oh. Er, that's interesting." He tried to sound earnest but Remus just bowed his head again, looking at the chocolate on his fingers. James began talking about _21st Century Witch_ again which Peter jumped in with, and Sirius wasn't sure what to do. He fished a rumpled handkerchief from his pocket, tossing it over. Remus tried and failed to catch it, bending forward to pick it up off the floor.

"What do pigs use to blow their noses?" Sirius asked Remus who stared at him. "Hamkerchiefs."

Remus snorted while James smacked Sirius. "That was _awful_!"

But it started off jokes, which allowed Remus to be more part of things. By the time they went to bed Sirius thought things were all right. He wasn't completely sure how well James and Peter would let Remus into the fold, as it were, but he'd do his damned hardest to make sure Remus knew he was welcome.

/\/\/\/\/\

_Dear Ri_

_Mother has been going around the house saying your doing bad things. She was yelling at dinner last night saying you wood not stop being with the wrong sort. They keep shouting about half dirty bloods and dirty half bloods. They said it was a shame Bellatrix wasn't still at Hogwarts to keep an eye on you becuze they said Andromeda was too soft on you and Narcissa is too young. But I think I heard them say there are others to watch you. I don't know who but be careful please. I probably shouldn't be telling you this even but I want you to be okay._

_I miss you so much. It's so lonely without you but I have Kreacher. I know you don't like him but you know he likes me. We played Gobstones today and he kept trying to let me win until I told him I wanted him to play for real and he beat me. He tried to throw himself down the stairs but I told him not to so he didn't._

_Mother and Father are planning a big dinner party for Halloween and have told me to be on my best behavor. I think the Malfoys might be coming and I don't want to see them. I don't like Mr. Malfoy he scares me. But I have to be nice cause they say Narcissa might marry Lushis. Do we have to marry people cause of hair? Cause Narcissa and Lushis are both blond and they want Andromeda to marry that Nott boy who has the same hair color like her. Its kind of weird isn't it? I guess we will know when they pick someone for you._

_I hope its a long time till they make me get married_

_Regulus_

/\/\/\/\/\

Four seemed to be a perfect number. It felt right. Sirius couldn't really explain why it felt right (nor did he admit this to James), just that it did. Remus joining them again at breakfast, walking with them to class, exchanging notes with them... it was brilliant! Although Tuesday night when Remus came back from study group he seemed a bit off. Rather tense.

"Everything all right?" Sirius asked, and Remus jumped as if hit with a spell.

"Y-yes," he mumbled, sounding and looking a little guilty.

That night Sirius woke up to the sound of Remus quietly leaving the dorm. He sat up, seeing a dark figure sliding out the door. He waited for a moment then followed, surprised that Remus was going down to the common room; he had expected him to be going to the bathroom. Sirius tiptoed down the steps and peered into the common room.

Remus was balanced on a window ledge, arms around his knees, face upturned towards the window. He looked incredibly _sad_. Sirius fought the urge to go after him, to try and promise him whatever was wrong would be okay, except he thought it would be breaking into Remus's privacy. Remus gave a small sigh and rubbed his cheek against his knee. Sirius silently backed up, holding his breath until he got back to the dorm. He dove into bed and waited for a while, relieved when he heard Remus finally return.

_Is it us?_ Sirius wondered as Remus went back to bed. _Is he upset because we're friends now_?

The next day cemented that possibility into Sirius's head as Remus just seemed to get tenser and tenser. Sirius could actually _see_ his entire body stiffen and tighten whenever any of them said something. It was if them talking was actually... affecting him? Physically? Sirius had no idea what was going on, but he wasn't too surprised when Remus scarpered off during one of their free periods. When he came back he claimed to be sick, that he had gone to see Madame Pomfrey, but Sirius suspected he just wanted to be alone.

/\/\/\/\/\

Remus was shaky, and looked quite pale as the Gryffindors headed to Astronomy that night. He had been very quiet though gave vague looks of amusement whenever one of the others cracked a joke.

"Hey, Remus," Sirius said, whirling around to face the smaller boy, walking backwards. "What do you call a hippogriff from the 60s?"

"What?"

"A hippie-griff."

Remus rolled his eyes and smiled as James and Peter both laughed. Sirius, still walking backwards, banged into the staircase and fell. He yelped in pain, striking his elbow pretty hard.

"You all right there?" James asked, helping Sirius back up.

"Perhaps if you looked where you were going instead of trying to be Mr. Funnyman you wouldn't have gotten hurt!" snapped one of the most annoying Gryffindors: Matilda Twycross.

"What was that? I couldn't quite hear you."

Twycross huffed. "Can't hear me over the sound of your own ego?"

Sirius turned to James. "Do you hear words? All I'm hearing is..." he extended his hand, opening and shutting it like a mouth, "wah-wah-wah-wah." Twycross snorted and stormed past Sirius up the stairs. Sirius rubbed his elbow, heading up the stairs too. It really stung... It was still smarting by the time they reached the Astronomy tower though his arm felt considerably less wibbly-wobbly.

There was pretty much no moon in the sky, just the faintest of slivers, and some cloud coverage so everything was pretty dark. Professor Spring began talking which Sirius tuned out of, instead drawing where he was pretending to take notes. He drew a picture of Twycross with her head inflated like a balloon, a speech bubble coming out of her mouth with 'wah wah wah' written inside. He pushed the paper over to James who snorted, covering his mouth, trying not to laugh.

"Mr. Black!" Spring said, and both boys jumped. "Can you answer the question?"

Sirius blinked several times. "Errrr. Yes. Of course I can." He went silent.

Spring raised one bushy eyebrow. "Well?"

Suddenly a tiny voice behind him whispered, hardly audible, "Petrus Plancius."

Sirius beamed at Professor Spring. "Petrus Plancius," he repeated.

Spring harumphed and grumbled then admitted Sirius was right, before plunging on with the lecture. Sirius looked over his shoulder at Remus who gave him a very faint smile.

"Thanks," Sirius whispered and Remus shrugged.

/\/\/\/\/\

The next day Remus disappeared again. This time, James began commenting on it, wondering about what was going on. Sirius pointed out that just because they were friends didn't mean they needed to spend every second of every day together.

"I'm not saying we do," James said, even though he and Sirius pretty much tried to spend every second of every day together. "It's just a little weird, him running off like that."

"Maybe he's in the hospital wing again," Peter suggested.

They checked, and Pomfrey informed them that no, Remus wasn't there. James and Peter started to leave however Sirius paused. "Was he here yesterday?"

Pomfrey frowned. "No. Now go on. If you're not injured, I don't want you in here; I don't trust you or Mr. Potter."

James laughed triumphantly as they left. "You hear that? Infamous already!" He held up his hand for a high five which Sirius gave though his mind was elsewhere.

Remus had lied yesterday.

_Is it that important?_ Sirius strode along, hands in pockets. Obviously Remus was still _wanting_ to be friends, willingly telling Sirius the answer to get him out of possibly hot water the night before, and had hung around them a bit that day. Whatever the reason for his lying, Sirius didn't think it mattered too much at the moment.

The other two didn't seem to realize Remus had lied about his whereabouts, but James started going on again about how he wasn't really being very 'friendly'. Which made it all the better that evening when Remus spent more time with them, helping them out with their homework. _Really_ helping out, actually physically altering some of their homework and giving them ideas to fix things.

Sirius enjoyed watching him do this, feeling a swelling in his chest as Remus just spout out information like it was stored in his head, like he had every single book he ever read in his head and he could just pull out the information. He obviously enjoyed doing it, too. He clearly enjoyed explaining things, lecturing, teaching. It was like when he answered questions in class: he practically became a different person. He didn't seem so... scared of everything.

After Remus left to get a shower Sirius had to rub it in.

"This is better, innit?" he asked, stretching his arms out, waiting for the response.

"What is?" James asked. He was on his bed, not doing homework even though everything was laid out in front of him, while Sirius was on his own bed, browsing through a magazine.

"The past few days," Sirius said, _looking_ at him. "Remus being our mate."

"_I_ think so," Peter agreed as he diligently worked on redoing the essay Remus had given him help with. His tongue was curling out the side of his mouth as he carefully wrote.

James groaned slightly. "You're gonna say I-told-you-so, aren't you?"

"Yup, but I _am_ right!" Sirius said, wanting James to admit it.

James shook his head, pushing his parchment away and swinging his legs round to sit upright. "Yeah, just don't be smug about it."

Sirius struck a pose, quite gleeful he had won. "Can't help it, I'm too good-looking _not_ to be smug." James grabbed a pillow and chucked it at Sirius, smacking him in the face. "Oww!"

"Oh like that hurt," chuckled James.

Sirius grabbed the pillow and dove for James, smacking him. The two were soon in another pillow fight, laughing as they whalloped each other until James came out victorious. Sirius relinquished the battle and got up off the floor, feathers sticking to him.

/\/\/\/\/\

"Come on..."

"Shhh!"

"You shhh!"

"I didn't say anything."

"_Shhh_!"

"Oops."

Sirius and James were very close together, peering around the corner of a hallway. They were watching Slimy Snape who was talking to another student, waiting for the conversation to end. James had a bug bomb in one hand. In Potions the day before they had overheard Snape insulting Peter. They hadn't told Peter the things Snape said, but wanted to get revenge of course. Peter was their friend, so Snape had to get it.

"Come _on_," James whispered again.

Then the other Slytherin walked off. Snape turned and started coming towards where James and Sirius were hiding. James waited for a second then lobbed the bug bomb at him, hitting him square in the chest. The sphere exploded into various insects and Snape began shouting while James and Sirius took off down the side corridor, going as fast as they could to a secret passage. Once inside they collapsed to the floor, laughing.

"He's such a git!" James said, rolling back and forth. "How can anyone be _that_ gitty?"

"It's a mystery," laughed Sirius.

Snape was one of the few Slytherins he knew next to nothing about. The Snape name was completely unfamiliar, and he had no idea what the slimy git's maternal name was. He figured if he found that out he'd probably know more. It actually sorta bugged him, and he wanted to know.

He got the opportunity that evening, actually. During supper he got a note asking to meet his cousin so he went off, telling his friends he'd be right back. He went to the corridor the note mentioned and found Andromeda there. She smiled when she saw him, and gave him a quick hug, wanting to know how things were going, as well as making sure he wasn't being too harassed by the family for his choice of friends.

"They're mad," he answered honestly. "Every letter they're telling me to get better friends. They're still trying to figure out a way to get me into Slytherin."

Andy shook her head. "Be careful."

"Always," he joked with a wink and she rolled her eyes.

"I _mean_ it, Siri!" She glanced around then bent in, dropping her voice. "I know how furious they are about your Sorting, and I can't imagine how furious they're getting over the fact you are in the company of two half-bloods."

"You're not going to lecture me for that, are you?" he asked, narrowing his eyes. Andy had never seemed inclined to do such a thing before. She was the nicest about non-Purebloods.

"No," she replied. "Never. I'm glad you're friends with them. I'm only concerned about you."

"Awww, what more can they do than what's already been done?" he asked, grinning at her. "There's only so far they'll go. I am the Heir after all."

Andromeda stared at him. "They have another," she reminded him quietly.

Sirius swallowed, the grin fading. It was a dark thought that crept into his mind more than once. His parents had never outright threw it in his face though they had vaguely hinted, which he usually ignored. "They're crazy but not that crazy," he said, trying to sound brave.

"It hasn't been _that_ long ago in Black family history that filicide's been committed," Andy said flatly.

Sirius looked away now, jamming his hands in his pockets, shoulders tensing. "S'been long enough." He rocked back and forth, trying not to let the fear take over, trying not to think about what Andy was insinuating. "Say, you know anything about that dumb Snape kid?"

"What? Siri, don't change the subject—"

"Snape's not a Pureblood name, is it?" Sirius asked, ignoring her.

Andromeda sighed and reached up, adjusting her prefect badge. "No. He is half-blood. His father is a Muggle."

For some reason that shocked Sirius. "And his mother?"

"Eileen Prince. Disinherited by the Prince family when she married the Muggle," Andy replied with a shrug.

"Prince... Our cousins?" Sirius asked, screwing his face up in thought as Andy nodded. Not immediate cousins, but distant cousins. It didn't surprise him at all that he was somehow related to Snape. Thankfully very distantly. "There's not many of them left, is there?"

"Not anymore," she sighed. "Why are you so interested? Hardly anyone in Slytherin likes him."

"Because he's a git?"

"Because he's a half-and-half," she said, folding her arms. "I know you're not put out by bloodlines but I am curious to know why you wish to know his history."

"Because he's a git," Sirius repeated, this time not a question. Andy gave him the stink eye and he bust up laughing. "Come on, he is! I don't care if he's half or pure or a quarter or not at all! He's a full-blooded _git_! He called me crazy the other day."

Andy pressed her lips thin. "Not an unusual insult towards the Black family. I get it all the time. Especially from those who knew my sister."

"Yeah, well, Bellatrix _is_ crazy," Sirius grumbled. He shuddered, grateful she had graduated before he came to Hogwarts. Coming to school with her skulking about the halls would have been _awful_!

Andy gave a slight smile now. "Perhaps a little."

"Try a _lot_."

Andy sighed again then gave him another quick hug. "Be careful."

"I will. You too."

He hadn't really meant anything by it but to his confusion she stiffened. "Why?" she asked lightly.

"Uh, because you're actually _nice_ unlike 99% of Slytherin?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Oh, yes." She smoothed down her skirt, cheeks a little pink.

"Andy—"

"I need to go. I'll see you later." She hurried off and Sirius stared after he, thoroughly perplexed.

/\/\/\/\/\

With Halloween coming up James and Sirius _really_ wanted to pull some prank during the feast. The problem was they weren't really sure what to do especially since they didn't have much. If they had thought of it earlier they could have been preparing... but oh well. They'd be able to prepare plenty for next Halloween at least.

Sirius was kneeling on the floor, going through what little pranks they had left. They needed to get some more in soon. James planned on sending out to Zonko's for mail order stuff but they needed a catalogue first, and James's owl Godric wasn't back yet with that. Sirius sorted through what little they had, sighing heavily.

"Hey, uh, Remus?" James asked suddenly, while the boys had been musing over what to do and what not to do. "Would it be difficult to do this?" James indicated the toy griffin he had been playing with, the kind that just flapped around on its own.

Remus had been curled up on his bed with an impossibly thick book in his lap; honestly, Sirius had no idea how he did it. Or why he did it. The book was thicker than any of their school textbooks and he didn't think it even had to do with school! "Do wh-what?" Remus asked.

"This."

Sirius shook his head at how helpful James was being, and Remus seemed faintly amused as well. "Erm, there's a lot of p-possibilities to what 'this' entails."

James wanted to make something fly, but not with the levitation charm they were supposed to be learning in class. Sirius couldn't wait to learn to start levitating things. He wanted especially to levitate dungbombs near the ceiling then let them drop when Slytherins went by. Hah! That'd be so great!

"You mean, sentient magic? Wow, th–that's pretty advanced," Remus asked as he sat on the edge of his bed. His legs dangled down, feet high above the floor. He was wearing mismatched socks again. One of them was dark blue and the other was black.

Sirius had always suspected Remus just simply didn't notice the clothes he put on but sometimes he wondered if Remus flat out didn't care. Socks weren't really seen... although he did occasionally have other clothing issues. Sometimes his vest was on backwards or his buttonup shirt wasn't buttoned properly or it wasn't tucked in like it was supposed to be (Sirius and James didn't always tuck in their shirts but that was on purpose for fashion statements and Sirius knew perfectly well Remus not tucking his shirts in was from lack of noticing). Plus he never tied his tie properly. Sirius _itched_ to just fix his tie for him. Even when he pointed it out and Remus fixed it it wasn't fixed. He just simply wasn't capable of tying a tie, and every day Sirius had to force himself to keep his hands to himself and not just retie it.

"No, not sentient magic." James's words broke Sirius out of his thoughts about Remus's clothes. "I just mean like make an object fly around like this. And avoid being caught." The griffin was flying around and went upwards when James reached to catch it. "Like that."

_Like a Snitch_, Sirius thought, ducking as the griffin flew close to his head.

"So… sentient magic," Remus said a bit slowly, as if talking to someone who simply didn't understand. Then he began rambling about sentient magic and stuff that went over Sirius's head. He stopped paying attention to the words and just looked at Remus's socks again. _Does he really just NOT notice?_ He considered pointing it out, then changed his mind. Maybe Remus _purposely_ wore mismatched socks. Maybe it wasn't he didn't notice or didn't care, maybe he really took his socks out and made the active choice to intentionally wear socks that didn't match.

"So making bats and having them dive bomb the tables is… not… gonna happen…?" James asked a little sadly.

Remus shook his head. "N—not in a week."

James snapped his fingers, disappointed, and Sirius pat his back. "Next year, then."

/\/\/\/\/\

James was FURIOUS later that week. During flying lessons Hooch had made him stop flying since apparently all he was doing was showing off. Some older students took him to the Quidditch pitch so he could show off on one of their brooms which had cheered him quite a bit, but then once the four friends were hanging out together later in the day James's fury whipped back up. He paced around, complaining about Hooch, complaining that he hadn't been 'showing off'.

"She's denying me my education!" he growled.

Remus gave a soft snort and ducked his head. Sirius grinned, suspecting Remus was thinking the same thing he was: if any other teacher had done this James would have been happy. Denying an education only counted when it had to do with brooms.

Then James muttered they should try to prank Hooch, as revenge. Sirius perked up but Remus and Peter both began freaking out at the idea of pranking a teacher.

"She's not a real teacher," James huffed.

"Yes, sh-she is," Remus said, sounding a bit afraid. "P-p-pranking adults—the t-teachers—isn't a g-good idea."

James looked at Sirius who shrugged. If James wanted to, he'd be on board. "Maybe later," James mumbled, messing up his hair.

He did, however, want to do _something_ so that night when Remus went off to do his nerdy study group thing, James, Peter, and Sirius attempted to use the locomotion spell to untie shoelaces from a distance but it didn't really work that well. They wondered if there was a spell to make people trip and figured they'd ask Remus down the line.

"It's nice to have a genius at hand," James said after he tried and failed to untie the shoelaces of a seventh year passing by.

"Yeah, none of _us_ are very good at looking stuff up," Peter agreed.

Sirius laughed, thinking it was a joke, then realized Peter actually meant it. "You're right," Sirius said. "Though I don't think it's really we're bad at it, it's just a lot of work."

"Annoying work," James agreed. "But Remus actually _likes_ doing stuff like that. Locomotor shoelaces! Aw, drat. Okay, maybe there's also a shoelace untying spell?"

/\/\/\/\/\

_Dear Reg,_

_Last night after Astronomy some of the others were talking about something super weird. DO NOT LET MOTHER AND FATHER SEE THIS! But one of the Gryffindor girls said that Muggles have BEEN to the MOON! I don't think its true. The moon? Muggles can't do that! But a lot of the others with muggle blood in them kept saying they did do it, it did happen. My friend Peter said he saw on something called a tellavision that he saw with his own eyes muggles in space. I dont know what that is but it sounds like its something that shows you whats going on? like with a camera? but how did they take pictures in space? sounds fake._

_Hope youre doing well. Miss you every day and hope youre staying safe. By the time you get this and get a chance to reply it'll probably be after Halloween so how did dinner with the Malfoys go? Positivily snooty I imagine. Lucius swans around Hogwarts like he owns it. Makes me sick. Need to do something about that. Narcissa may be a brat but not even she deserves that git._

_I dont know if i'll be home for christmas holidays. i dont really want to but i guess it depends what mother wants._

_Sirius_

_PS make sure to burn this letter so THEY dont see anything about the muggle stuff. to make that funner ive included a drawing of lucius. burn malfoy BURN!_

/\/\/\/\/\

"Wingardium leviosa!"

Sirius watched with amazement as Remus's feather floated up into the air. Flitwick praised him and Remus ducked his head, blushing very slightly. It was a shame he tried to hide his blushing. It looked kinda adorable.

"Wingardium leviosa!" Sirius tried.

"Wingardium leviosa!" James tried. They exchanged looks, since the feather did absolutely nothing. "Wingardium leviosa," James tried again then sighed.

Sirius glanced at the other two, and frowned. Remus was _holding_ Peter's hand to help guide him doing the movements, and for some reason that sent a surge of irritation through Sirius. He glared a bit, then turned back to his own feather. The feeling bubbled up and came out as he kept trying to do the spell.

"Wingardium leviosa. Wingardium leviosa. Wingardiu—"

A flare of heat, and smoke billowed up as the feather and desk caught fire. Sirius jumped back, fanning in front of his face as the flames grew higher. "Errrr, whoops," he said, realizing everyone was looking at him.

"How did you manage to set the _entire_ desk on fire?!" James demanded, arms flailing around.

Sirius studied the fire, suspecting it had something to do with the fact he had been weirdly upset and therefore not really giving it his full attention. "Talent?" he suggested for lack of a better reason. Flitwick put the fire out, giving Sirius an exasperated look. Sirius smiled back as sweetly as he could. "I think we need another feather."

/\/\/\/\/\

If Remus's lack of fashion sense perplexed Sirius, James's fashion sense... or rather... the extent of his wardrobe made Sirius a touch jealous. On Sunday as they got ready for the day Sirius pulled on his nice slacks, a nice simple dressy shirt, and nice shoes. Everything was pressed, crisp, and clean. And boring. James, on the other hand, wore his typical bellbottom jeans and a orange shirt that said **GROOVY!** in tie-dyed lettering on the front. It was bright, garish, and _amazing_.

Sirius hardly had any color in his wardrobe at all though he was grateful for the fact he didn't have to wear traditional robes at all times! His Uncle Alphard told him back in his day the 'Muggle' type clothing hadn't integrated enough in the wizarding world for the Black family, so Alphard was forced to wear nothing but robes when he wasn't wearing the Hogwarts uniform. Sirius was glad at least shirts and trousers had become accepted by the time he came to Hogwarts. If he had to wear the robes he'd die, just _die_. But the non-traditional clothing the Blacks bought were definitely... not as cool as James's.

"D'you two wanna come to the practice with us?" James asked as he pulled on his waterproof robes.

Remus and Peter were still in their beds. Peter shook his head, complaining about the rain. Remus murmered a no thank you, watching them as if he couldn't figure out why anyone would go out in the morning in the rain to watch a practice they had nothing to do with. Sirius noticed right away how awful Remus looked. He was very wane and the dark circles under his eyes were darker than usual. His hair hung limp, and when he moved and spoke he seemed tired.

Sirius got his rain-robes on too, and went down to steal some food from the Great Hall before hurrying out into the drizzle. They dashed across the grounds, laughing for the sheer joy of being young and energetic and free for the day. Instead of going to the bleachers, they went to the top box which had a cover.

"Alohomora!" James tapped the door and they heard it unlatch. Grinning at one another they went in to the small area where normally only the commentator sat, next to the teachers' seats. It was quite dry there and they were able to take off their robes and set the stolen food in their laps.

"It's going to be great when you're on the team next year," Sirius said, shoving a muffin in his mouth, crumbs falling everywhere.

James beamed. "Think I'll make it?"

"Yeah, no one else _but_ you, you're the best on a broom. Everyone can see it."

"Are you going to try out?"

Sirius looked out at the players spinning around in the rain. "It depends what positions are open." He wanted to play Quidditch, he just wasn't sure what position he'd like. Certainly not Seeker. _Maybe_ a Chaser, with James that'd be great. A Beater would be the best, sending Bludgers off at the other team! He didn't want to be a Keeper, that was a lot of sitting around waiting for the game to come to you then suddenly BAM! loads of pressure.

The rest of the day was pretty much spent waiting for the feast and looking for Remus who seemed to have disappeared. They even checked the library assuming _that's_ where he was but there wasn't any sign of him. Sirius dragged his friends to the hospital wing, remembering how awful Remus looked that morning, feeling relieved yet worried when Remus wasn't there either.

Finally he showed up shortly before the feast wearing old, ratty clothes that looked like they'd fall apart any second. He insisted he had been in the library, only shrugging when Sirius said they had searched there. _Fine, keep your secrets_, Sirius thought then turned his attention to the fireworks.

Sirius, James, and Peter put in their school robes to fill the pockets with fireworks then the four of them went to the Great Hall. _Unfortunately_ the prank didn't really go... quite as planned. Oh, it went off without a hitch. They set them off without trouble. But everyone seemed to think the fireworkers were just part of the Halloween feast. It didn't help that Dumbledore himself clapped along.

"What the heck? No!" James looked around, horrified at the cheering. "They're not supposed to react like this."

"They think it's what the headmaster planned," Peter said with a frown.

"Ugh! Told you we should have used dungbombs," Sirius complained, mostly bitter about the fact they had used up the last of their firecrackers for this and it hadn't had any nice result! They were better off setting the firecrackers off in the common room!

"If it's any c—consolation, the teachers know s-something's up…" Remus tipped his head towards the High Table. "McGonagall's looking r—right at you."

After the feast as everyone left, Professor McGonagall met with them outside the Great Hall. "Did you have anything to do with those fireworks?" she asked, staring down her nose at them.

Sirius and James exchange glances. James raised an eyebrow. _Should we admit it?_ he seemed to be asking. Sirius smirked. _Yes_, he silently agreed.

So James turned back to McGonagall. "Yep! That was us!" he said proudly and Sirius tried not to laugh as McGonagall looked _very_ surprised.

They lost a few points and gained a lecture about acting proper, not causing trouble, not disturbing... blah-blah-blah. James and Sirius both nodded, neither of them listening, promising to 'do better'. Then she let them go and they returned to the dorm with Peter and Remus, laughing even more about the look on McGonagall's face when they confessed!

The four of them stayed up late exchanging spooky tales, and at midnight Sirius attempted to recreate one of the stories Peter had said. Saying 'Bloody Mary' three times into the bathroom mirror. He put his hands on the sink and leaned in, the only light from James's wand since the story claimed you needed a 'dimly lit' room. Candles were preferred but since they had none they figured a single lumos spell would work well enough. Well, James, Peter, and Sirius figured; Remus thought it was a load of tosh.

Sirius stared at his pale reflection. Behind him he saw James's grin, Peter's nervous expression, and Remus rolling his eyes. "Bloody Mary," he said in a quiet, hushed voice. "Bloody Mary!" he repeated, a little more intense, a little louder. Then, "Bloody MARY!"

They waited for a second then suddenly another face appeared in the mirror, rushing out towards them. "BOO!"

All four boys screamed in terror, grabbing for one another before taking off scrambling to their dorm as the apparition laughed at them. They all jumped into their beds, some of them going under their covers, Sirius just staring at the door but nothing followed him.

"Wh-wh-what was that!" Peter squeaked.

"I th—think it was Sir Nicholas," Remus said, peering out from under his covers.

Sirius turned towards James. "Nearly Headless Nick?" he asked and James began laughing which set off Sirius laughing. Peter soon joined, and even Remus laughed a bit, then Spinnet yelled at them to all please _shut up_ it was _late_!

Sirius gave a rude gesture in the direction of his bed then flopped down. "Night guys!"

He heard his friends chorusing goodnights then he slid under the covers, drifting off into a pretty happy sleep.


End file.
